Hi Kathy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Our stories are so very similar, I lost the love of my life on Feb. 15th of this year, We were together for 8 and a half years, and although we didn't live together, we were together almost everyday, he either stayed by me, or I stayed by him, and we talked and texted each other all day long. This one particular night that we weren't together, the next day, I didn't hear from him, He wasn't answering my calls or my texts, the whole day, I had this terrible bad feeling, I was in a panic, so after work, I went straight to his apartment and that's where I found him, in his bed. all I could do was grab him. In an instant my whole life changed!!! someone just ripped my heart out of my chest!!!! and the pain and anxiety was unbearable! I just couldn't believe it, it was all a nightmare! I have never felt so must physical and emotional pain in my life!! it's still fresh for me, but over the days I've started to feel a little better, I still have bad days but I try and keep busy and I spend as much time with my family as possible, and that does help. I'll always love and miss him very much, he was and will always be the love of my life,  but I also know that while I'm still here I have to live. I deserve that and so do you. We just have to take things one day at a time. I so feel your pain Kathy, and again I'm so very sorry. also, I too will be 53 next month.