Thank you and I will join the other site. I am trying the best that I can to stay somewhat strong, but it's hard as I have put a lot of distance between myself and the little family I have left. I am so afraid that it is going to happen again. It was only a few years ago that I lost both parents 10 days apart and then my only & first born son. The one that I love so dearly, but if I loved him so dearly when did I turn him in because he might just be here today if I wouldn't of did it. I thought I was doing the right thing, but is the right thing sending you son away for 12 1/2 years and 5 years later he is dead? I am so lost, angry, and so heart broken that I will never be the same. I have to push myself to keep on living and not give up, because I taught my kids that giving up is never a option. I have had nothing but pain in my life from physical & emotional abuse, sexual abuse, drug addiction (which I have been sober for almost 14 years), my mom was a alcoholic (had been sober for 10 years before she passed) & drug addict (also she was free of that to), and that's not all of it and I feel most days now that I'm tired of this life I just need to rest. I need to be with the ones that never judged me, never walked away, never hurt me, who understood and always showed unconditional love, you see I don't have that anymore I can't trust no one & I can't talk to anyone about any of my feeling because either they are not right or it's a 100 questions of why do you feel that way. I am alone and lost in this messed up world & I don't want to be anymore. I know they say a lot of what I am feeling is normal, but it doesn't feel normal. Bet you are thinking why did I respond to that post, believe me I understand and it's okay.