Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. I hope you are coping as well as you can and are finding some peace. You are not alone on this struggle.

Bdabbs, I know exactly what you mean by becoming an old woman over night. About 2 weeks after my Joe had left me I looked in the mirror and had patches of grey hair everywhere! I'm 42 and had only had one or two before. I don't hardly recognize myself. I've aged at least 10 yrs in 30 days. And I feel it. Grieving is so painful and it's hard work! The hardest thing Ive ever had to do. I've had to force myself to even brush my teeth. It just seems like to much work at times. Since I've been back to work, only the last 3 days, I've been able to almost seperate myself. I'm a Different person at work. But I always have to come home and face what is now my life without the most important part of it. I break down every night walking in the door. Or even thinking about it. My niece has always been called "Breezy" since she was little. I've never heard anyone else called that. Your Breezy is a beautiful girl. I know how proud you must be of her. For me it's the nights that are the hardest. Going to bed is nearly impossible and sleep comes in short increments. Mainly because that's when I spent the most time with my beloved husband. We both worked and treasured being able to cuddle up at night. I came home from work to find him. I have so many questions about what happened. I can't imagine the questions you have. I truly hope you can get some answers and find some sort of peace with this tragedy. Like I said you're never alone. You can message me whenever you need.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is such a horrible nightmare for you I'm sure. I left a comment for you earlier, but this site is hard to navigate an I'm not sure it posted. Everyone here is going through a nightmare of their own. While we are all joined by the loss of a loved one, everyone's pain is unique to them. Please know you are not alone in this journey. And you can always come here to vent or find someone to share with. You can always message me if you need to. I lost my beautiful Joe 5 weeks ago and I know how devastating loss is. I feel like all that was good died with him that day. I know I feel like I died with him. All my happiness is gone. I am lost and alone without him. I don't know how I've made it this far. I can only say take it hour by hour. I hope you find answers, peace and comfort on this journey we have all been forces to take.
Robin

I am so sorry for your loss. It is all so senseless and heartbreaking. I can't imagine the added stress you must be under with all your unanswered questions. Many, many, hugs to you!