No words could ever express how sorry I am for your losses. You have been through so much that I am sure little is comforting but I can say when my dad passed I was so mad because we always promised that we would find a way to come back and let the other one know we were ok. I did not feel him or see him and others dreamed about him. Then this month 4 days before my birthday while driving I heard him as if in my head say I know birthday secrets(which he would always say) I started balling and telling myself to get a grip it was just me missing him. Then I walked into the house and there was my family and a present. My husband said we were going to wait intell your birthday but I felt for some reason like we had to do it today. I broke down truley for the first time agreeing that I cant see him but are loved ones never leave us!