Hey Jon, you have been on my mind.  How are you holding up? Stupid question I know... hugs

Hi there, it's really hard, I went back to work after 3 weeks but didn't work full days. I've worked at my job a long time so all around me is pix of him growing up, from birth to 18 years old. It's unbearable but I can't take them down, so I try not to look at them. It's so friggin hard.  It seemed to get a little easier around 6 months and then it got harder before 8 months.  I am consumed by what ifs on my end.  You didn't do anything wrong though, you don't have that aspect. I think you are probably a great job.  The grief site helps me a lot, you can talk about how you feel and find support here . I went to a counselor twice, she didn't help at all.  I think she wasn't the right one. You cry a lot and you just take it one day at a time.  In the first few months, I screamed, I threw things (lol) I cried in the car to and from work. I just feel broken. Coming up to the year is beyond difficult, I miss him so much.  Some days I think I can't go on but I do and you have your other kids to think about too, they need you and you need them. Take and give support to your family.  I have my boyfriend who has gone through 10 years of hell and stress and drama with me and I thank God for him. My ex doesn't want to talk about Randy and that is hard for me, we have to talk about him, you never want to let them go.  I think it's harder for you, because thiss is so tragic and sudden for you.  Ultimately we do share the same pain. I have a grief book that helps a little, i'll look up the title and send it to you.  I dreamed about your family last night, but you have to know that I have crazy weird dreams all the time.  It just shows that you have been on my mind a lot, some people you read their stories and you just go on. I've become best friends with a girl on here who also lost her son to heroin.  Maybe a grief group might help, I hear they do but again I haven't done one.  Just gong on along one minute and one day at a time, it's really all we can do.  Again..many many hugs coming your way.  Just hug your little ones a bit more and know they still need you. x0

Hey Jon, oh it's a great name, he looks like a Connor, which is stupid of me to say, because I have never known anybody named Connor. Oh that is just the worst thing ever, how can that even happen.  You are in my thoughts. It was 11 months for me Sunday and I cried all day, some days are easier then others I guess but they all suck.  This is all so knew and sudden for you all, sending you some peace and hugs.

Oh my God Jon...ohhh no how awful, what's his name? This is just wrong, my heart is just aching for you all, man this shouldn't be. What in the world could have happened? You sound like such a great dad, I know you must be so devastated, that word doesn't even cover it.  This is crazy oh I am so so so sorry.  How are your other kids coping? Stupid question I know, I also have a 21 year old daughter my Randy was 18. It hurts so much to see her in pain also. But its us parents that it just kills.  So not right...

Hi, you've been on my mind. If you don't mind me asking, what happened to him after the surgery? I just can't believe it, something like that so quick and tragic, I feel your family's pain inside my heart. How are your other kids and wife doing? I'm sure you are such a great dad, to say he's your best friend. My kid's dad is not a good dad and I blame him for part of my Randy's drug use, which I guess really isn't fair, but he told him to experiment in high school, I'm sure he didn't expect him to use heroin, I cannot understand anybody that would use heroin. We dealt with the lies, deception, Xanax for a couple years at least leading up to the heroin, it was all so stressful and so hard. It sounds like you have such a nice family, I don't know why things like this happen. Somebody told me to read the book "when bad things happen to good people".

If you go into one of your groups then there is a comment wall and you can post what you would like.  I found this group and it has helped me, it's a horrible place for us all to be but we all have each other.  Hugs..

Jon, I posted something for you, but I think I did it in the wrong spot under your blog post.. duh.  Hope you can find it.  My heart goes out to you and your family.