Jackie
  • Female
  • North Yorkshire
  • United Kingdom
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About Me:
I'm 44, currently single, living in beautiful North Yorkshire, UK
About my Loss:
I was widowed at 31. I had been with Jeff, my soulmate for 9 years. He developed lung cancer, never smoked and spread to his bones....from diagnosis to him passing over was nearly 2 years. How naive I was, how totally and utterly unprepared I was for him dying. Death wasn't something that was talked about while I was growing up. I had no idea of the strength of feelings afterwards, the physical pain, the depth of pain, the times I thought I was losing my mind, why were people still mowing their lawns? Nothing seemed to make sense. Grief, unfortunately, doesn't come along in a nice neat package, with one stage following on from the next, for me it wasn't like that. Yes, there are definite stages. I didn't want to feel the pain, not so intensely, but, I learnt, if I avoided it, it still came up.

I wanted to share with you that it DOES ease, you will sleep again, you will be able to think and sort your thoughts, you will stop crying.....do not ever be ashamed of how you feel, tears are healing. If you need to scream, scream, if you need to release anger (I recommend boxing) but do try and release it from your body, talk, there will be days you won't want to talk, days when you want to curl up and shut the world away, that's ok too, do what you need to do. Talking can really help, with the right person. You will probably have feelings that may seem inappropriate, that's perfectly normal. I found keeping a journal helped enormously, I could let the pages take all, or some of the pain, but also to capture all the memories of my late husband for fear I would forget something.

Really look after you, especially diet, if you can. If you are/were like me, I didn't want to and couldn't eat for a while, this is your body's way of coping. Try to take a good vitamin B complex which is great for helping with stress and nurturing your nervous system. Massages are very nurturing, as humans, touch is so very important and when you lose that intimacy, that closeness, it can make you feel unsafe emotionally.

I promise you, I totally understand your pain, it's raw, it hurts, reminders, smells, sounds, keep them in your heart.

As a doctor once said to me, when we lose someone or an animal dear to us, we have a big wound on our heart, over time, the wound will heal, but you'll always have that scar....

You will get through this, please believe me. Seek counsellors, books, anything that helps you, you don't have to go through it all alone.

With utmost love and respect, healing and hugs to all of you in pain right now....it does get easier and it changes you as a person.

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