Dear Arne, I know how hard this must be for you just now.  I lost my husband 27 months ago.  He had been ill for a few years, but passed suddenly at home when there was only the two of us there.  We had been together for 35 years to the day when he passed away.  I also have panic attacks (although they are lessening now).  Just to go to the shops on my own was enough for me to panic - I couldn't breathe or talk and I just wanted to crawl into a small corner and stay there.  It will get easier for you too, but you must give it time - I know that is what everyone says but it is true.  Your grief is so new and intense now just take it one day at a time.  I still feel so alone and frightened of the future without Chris that some days I don't know how to keep going.  I think I miss the fact that I don't have anyone to chat to or just sit quietly with - him reading a book and me knitting or watching TV but we always knew that the other was there.  I have so many words to say, but no-one with me to hear them or help with everyday things.  You must talk to some-one whether it is a friend,someone in your family or a minister. Do not try and cope by yourself as that only makes the panic worse and don't shut people out of your life even if they are driving you crazy.  Talking on this forum will also help.  Take care of yourself, don't expect too much of yourself just yet - it is all new and confusing and you are still in shock.  You will be in my prayers tonight.  I hope that in time you can find some peace. God bless you.