Thanks Julie for accepting me as your friend.

Hi Julie, sorry I didn't think about this, but I visited this site about as often as I visited the cemetery.  I was numb for an entire year but I did feel the grief.  My mind would stuff it the instant I would feel it.  

I was surprised there were so few men seeking support, but I found the same when I joined a local grief support group.  It's called Grief Share and it is a national program that is Christ centered.  I stumbled on it online when I found no relief from the paralyzing grief on this site.  

There was only one guy in that group, but we became good friends and remain friends even though he is the same age my father would have been if he were still alive, 76.

I was very active in Al-Anon, the family support group for people who have family or friends  who are Alcoholics.  That background made it very easy for me to recognize I was unable to handle the loss of my wife without support.

Julie,

I haven't visited this site other than to read my feelings as I struggled through that dark, horrible time in my life. 

Looking at my last post to you, I see it was on June 13, 2012.  That would have been our 25th wedding anniversary and I didn't mention it.

But what prompted me to post to your page was a message from you on the same day, not realizing I had written the post.

I met a woman on eHarmony on July 20th 2012 who lived in Southern California. I live in Iowa.  She sent a polite, complimentary response to a message I sent her.  I was very moved by what she wrote and wrote her again, then probably 3 more times within the next week with no response from her until the week had passed. 

We communicated politely for a few days until she sent a message informing me that she enjoyed my messages, she didn't think we would be a good match due to the age differences.  At the time I was 56 and she was 48.  Not a big difference, but if it was to her, then it was.

Long story shortened a little; we continued to communicate until Aug. 12 when she told me she had fallen in love with me. 

We knew in a very short time that we were going to be married, but I didn't meet her face to face until the last weekend of October, 2012.  2 weeks later, she flew to Iowa to meet my children and church family. 

It was during her trip to Iowa that I proposed and she accepted.  We didn't see each other again until Dec 30 when she flew to Iowa and we married on New Years Eve, 2012.

I'll spare the 3 year history, but we currently live in Southern California and I kept my home in Iowas where my daughter lives. 

The past holidays were the first for me away from my Iowa home and my daughter and step son.  I had lived in the same house for 28 years, so it was pretty painful as it made the loss of Nanette more profound.

Adding to the grief was the loss of my wife's father in August.  We had moved in with him in California in April.  He was 87, recovering from a broken hip.

He was improving, but developed a urinary tact infection that spread into his blood, eventually killing him. 

So the past holidays were as hard as the first holidays in 2010 after Nanette died.

You complimented me on my writing, and no, I was not a teacher, I was a Postmaster.  I retired in 2013.

Thank you for the compliment. 

I pray God has carried you through your loss and has blessed you as He as blessed me.

Jim