hey Valerie, I get peoples names all fouled up all the time. Not a problem. Karla was thermally ill for some time. Stage IV. We went and saw a counselor together a few times. I still go to him every once in a while. I think it helps. Have some one that you can ask questions to. No they can't take away the pain. Your loss is still so new. I was crying quite a bit in the first several months after I lost Karla. Mom was sick then. I had to keep my self together to help her. So glade we found a house about a mile from them. That has been a life saver. With her and Karla sick at the same time. You might Google "Griefshare" put in your zip in the find a group search. See if there is a group starting near you. If you don't know. They meet at churches. Have someone experienced in grief that leads the group. films and literature and so forth.  I went to a couple of different grief groups after Karla and mom death. Lot of sad people there. You will find you are not alone.

You ask if I have felt Karla's presents around me or felt her near me. No I really haven't. I do feel strongly that I will see her one day. I have done a lot of thinking about God and if he created us. Researched evolution and other possible explanations of our existence. I really don't think any thing fits better than God creating man. Evolutionist want us to believe that something can be made from nothing. That in time a mosquito can change into a elephant. I can see a Chihuahua evolving into a bull dog. But it will still be a dog no matter what. Karla believed strongly in God. She believed that we could be together again. She made me promise that I would live my life the best I could. Read the Bible. Pray and go to church. Do nothing that might keep me from heaven. I have never broken a promise to Karla, and I want. I will stay here if that is God's will. My goal is to be with Karla again. That will be my heaven. 

Please keep in touch. This forum can help. Even though some one might be half way around the world from you. The pain of losing a dear loved one is the same. 

Hey Valerie,

Saw where you are having a hard time.  My heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my prayers. I know about those crying spells. It's like a wave that comes over you. Pushes you under water. You struggle to breath. Karla loved birthday cake. Any one with cream cheese frosting. I hadn't though of one in quite a while. Then I was in walmart. Caught a glimpse of the birthday cakes. Just overwhelming feeling of sorrow hit me. Got to crying. Could not stop! Got off in a Connor by myself until it eased up enough to get out of there.  Then just last week. I opened a drawer of the dresser. Saw her kindle. It has this little light on it that she got to use when she would read in bed while I was sleeping. little things like that, tear me up so. I just almost can't stand it. I immediately thought, why can't I die and get out if this pain. It's just so hard. Harder than I ever imagined.  

Thank you so much Valerie. I really appreciate your reaching out to me. I am so sorry about your husband. You are both very young and that must make it especially hard. You are right I miss him so much and he was the love of my life. He was also my best friend. I am still processing that he is gone, I am sure it will take a long time

Thank you for your friend request

Thanks Valerie. I am going to make a point of visiting this site every day. People like you make me feel better.

It is nice to know I am not alone. I have a handful of friends who are being very supportive. Actually I have found out I have more friends than I realized. Don and I were very close and this is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced.

Valerie, I am very sorry for the loss of your husband, tragedy is indiscriminate.  

Thank you so much for your comments, it's reassuring to hear from someone who has been through it to here that it gets easier.  I feel I am just trolling the bottom.

As far as having a son, he helps me.  He has been getting through this better than me and I have leaned on him.  I feel guilty for doing it.

I can't take any anti-anxiety pills, if I do I can not work, and my wife had a prescription drug addiction that in no small part led to her demise.  It's my experience, I hope they are only a benefit too you.

Thank you again and I wish you the best on this difficult journey.

Thanks Valerie, I look forward to a good day.  Right now the most good was about 2 hours a few weeks ago when out with my son.  Next best is evenings when I am just dulled out.  Right now, I am a morning mess.  Thanks for comments on my blog.

Yep I have cried at Kroger too. This was my worst nightmare and now I am living it. No clue how to move forward and if I do what does that even look like.

I have sent you a friend request.

Dianne

Thanks for the comments Valerie, sorry you had a couple of difficult days.  I don't understand why, we as humans need to feel so distressed for such long periods of time, I don't see what purpose this all serves from a religious standpoint or from an evolutionary standpoint it makes no sense to me.  I wish I had a magic wand and cold soothe your soul and everyone else's here.  

But so far I have founding my wishing to be one of the less therapeutic things I can do.  I do feel for you and hope you can move forward in a positive way, and I and deeply sorry for your loss.

Mark

Hi Valerie

  I'm a couple years ahead of you on the calendar, I turn 54 in June.  I never thought much about the aging thing until recently.  The passing of the days hold little meaning when we're content.  

  I'm glad to know I am not the only one feels better as the day winds down.   Although today was odd, felt lousy most of the day, then went for a walk with my son at 5 pm.  I felt better almost immediately, like a shot of adrenaline.  But it only lasted a few minutes, then right back down.  Another mystery.  Still on the low side now.  Not a very eloquent response.

I hope you can sleep and have pleasant dreams.

Mark

I know what you mean, there are some days I can't talk about it either. I just get through the days best as I can. Take care of yourself and I am thinking about you.

Maureen

Hi Valerie

 I tried going back to work last night, I had to go to the airport and catch a flight.  I did not make it, had to call in sick, a back issue I thought was resolving flared back up combined with the grief and it was not a good mix for me going back to a position of responsibility.

I look forward to going back to work, I need the change of scenery.  I have several close friends at my job. 

My house like yours is a source of comfort and reminders that cause sadness.  I tend to stay in the downstairs, it was more my space, still reminders of my wife, but it just seems more natural.  I have started cleaning out my wife's things, clothes, shoes, antiques.  She had lots of stuff that holds little real sentimental value but still triggers emotional outbursts.  It has been very difficult, but has to be done.  And I have purchased a new sofa just to make the living room more my son and I's place.

Have a good night Valerie

Mark

Hi Valerie

Well I am not doing so great, I have days that are a little better than others, but I think I am still having trouble accepting That Don is not here with me. But like they say one day at a time, I have friends who are making it a little easier, but I guess you know just how I am feeling. It is such a lost empty feeling, I have never been through anything like this before.

I have been thinking about you and hoping the days get easier

Maureen