Rachel

Female

Port Lavaca, TX

United States

Profile Information:

About Me:
Lost my only child in a car accident.
About my Loss:
My world was turned upside down almost 2 months ago. My daughter, my only child was killed in an auto-accident. She was 27, with a bachelors degree in Education. I was so proud of her. She was the only beauty in my life. She was so beautiful, I couldn't believe how pretty she was. Receiving that dreaded call about the accident that Monday morning at work was just so surreal. I didn't know how to act. I know I felt tears come down my face but I couldn't cry. I refused to beleive it was her. The days following are just a blur. I miss her so much, I just want to hear her voice so bad, I want to hold her, talk to her. I want so much to dream her. I still haven't been able to cry for her. It just doesn't seem real. I'm terrified to give in. Giving in will make it REAL. I'm a single parent; her father was absent her whole life. It was just her and I only. My immediate family has been very supportive but I'm alone in this; in so many ways. I'm not married and "my" little family is no more. I can't have anymore children and I will NEVER have grandchildren. My faith has become almost Non-existent!!!!! And I feel no one understands!!!! People keep comparing my grief to their grief of losing a parent. I don't see the connection????? When I start to have episodes I try SO HARD to repress them. I try to think or do something else to make me laugh. It's not fair!!!! I'm getting ready to start grief counseling. I'm so scared. The word "Alone" has a new meaning for me now in so many ways.

Comment Wall:

  • dawn larvan

    Hi Rachel
    I'm so sorry you're,daughter is so beautiful :) I don't have children unfortunately me and husband tried for years. The only thing I have in common with you is losing my husband age 50 fit and healthy dying in front of me 10 weeks,ago while on holiday,like you said not believing I,still feel for him on,his side of the bed :( I haven't cried much and I keep thinking I'm not normal!!! I'm think I'm going to see a counselor because when my dad died I cried for weeks so I'm sure it's not normal to be as I am. You should too it can only help again I'm so sorry about you're baby girl I wish I had such a beautiful daughter xxx

    Aug 7, 2014

  • Rachel

    Here comes another sleepless night.
    Here comes the pain.
    Wishing things had never changed.
    Wishing she was right here in my arms.

    I can hear her say "I love you Mom" like it was yesterday.

    Here comes the FIGHT of giving into the pain.. Holding back the tears.

    Why? Why so young?

    Aug 8, 2014

  • Connie K

    Rachel just wrote you a l0ng message only to lose it in cyperspace. grrr. Can't reproduce it but just know I am sending you love and prayers and hugs. I too lost my only child in a car accident. I understand your pain and my heart is with you.

    Aug 9, 2014

  • Teresa D.

    Your daughter is beautiful.

    Aug 13, 2014