I would never want to diminish someone’s faith or beliefs. I just wish my faith was as strong as you guys. I am aware of what the bible says about mediums and the dangers of it. I was so distraught the first month after my mom’s death that I did go see a medium. She was very friendly and I cried throughout the whole experience. At first it made me feel better to know that my mom was on the other side nd that she thanked me for being a good daughter.. But after a few weeks the feeling went away... Brett it made me think about what you said sometime ago about it not being about how she died or the circumstances but really the pain was just cause our mothers arent with us anymore- simple as that... Made me realize that even if my mom is happy in the afterlife, it didnt make me miss her less... cause I still miss her like crazy... I hope this doesnt make anyone uncomfortable.. losing my mom was so sudden I needed to talk to her again.. even if it wasnt directly... but yes now I question that experience.. but the psychic did share personal details that I thought only a true medium would know... Anyway...church is one of the places I avoid because it is another place that now has my mother’s shadow attached to it. I’ve cried everytime I stepped foot into our church because I would glance to the empty seat that was once filled with my mother’s warmth...
Theresa, you describing your mom’s death reminds me very much of my mom’s as well... Staring in disbelief as the nurse came with a bag of clothes and handed it to me... the familiar clothes that she always wore... Her cane... it was like a horror movie... still is... I cannot watch videos of her or listen to her last voicemail either...i burst out crying everytime I do... I am still waiting for the day that thoughts of her will bring a smile to my face rather than drenched pillow cases.. but I know that is a long time coming... Let us all get there together... I am truly thankful to have you guys to share these thoughts with... talking bout it helps and heals... and I truly hope that my heart is healing little by little with every interaction on this site... All the best... Wish you comfort on the bad days and hope on the worse days...

Crystal, I agree with all that you wrote. My mom suffered. I'm glad that she is not sick anymore but that does not make me miss her any less. If that is selfish I will just have to live with it. We feel what we feel. I could lie and put on a happy face but I can't fool myself. 

Being handed a bag of your mom's clothes is heartbreaking. If you were the primary caregiver there is really no way around it. My mom died at home, but after the Hospice nurse prepared her body, she left the pajamas that my mom had been wearing in a chair next to my mom's hospital bed. And then when I went through all of my mom's clothes there were so many pairs of hospital socks. My mom liked those. She was a fall risk and they helped her keep her footing. But looking at them made me remember all of the times that I got to bring mom back home from the hospital. No more.

I can't go to my mom's grave. I have not been able to go back to my mom's church. My sister has some messages that mom had left her still on her phone. There is no way that I could listen to those. God, that would kill me.

I don't want to make you feel bad about going to a medium. We do what we can to find some comfort. Please don't beat yourself up about a lack of faith. You could have all of the faith in the world and still miss your mom like you do.

I wish you a great day filled with peace. I pray that we all will find peace.

Crystal, you described it best "a horror movie"  I just can't get it out of my mind.

God bless everyone, may we all find inner peace, here, talking about our moms.

I can say it helps me alot to know you all know the feeling of this pain we all feel, my husband, my friends have no idea because they still have MOM....

Even If they do not understand what you are going through, I hope that they at least have some idea how blessed they are to still have  their moms. I don't know if that's possible though. I cherished my mom when she was alive, but it is so hard to prepare for this. I knew it would be bad. I had some idea, but you just can't know the reality, finality of it all until you experience it.

Brett, I agree.

I knew it was time to let my Mom go. But I had no idea of the intensity of the emotional pain it would cause me until it happened

Bluebell

I am having such a hard time at work .Tuesday i had to leave mid day and today i broke down crying again at work and had to leave early. I want the anxiety and tears to go away

I realize more and more each day that my mom was the center-piece of my life. The one constant I always had in my life was my mom. All was right with the world as long as I had my mom. Of course I had bad days, but I still had my mom. And now I don't. That is a hard reality to face each day. At some point each morning I wake up and remember that my mom is dead. What a horrible way to face the day.

There's something else that has been on my mind today. My photo albums. I have looked at so many pictures of my mom and her little dogs. I remember taking a lot of them. Now mom and one of her little dogs are now pictures in a photo album. I look at her last little dog (Krissy) who is laying here at my feet and I know that she will one day be a picture in a photo album as well. It's too much.

I just don't know how to make things better. I wish that I could.

Jessica, I don't want to be a downer. Lord knows you are down enough. There will come a time when you won't have to leave work early. I think there comes a time when we realize that this is something that we cannot control. We either continue to put one foot in front of the other or we don't. I believe that you will continue to live your life. It will always hurt, but one thing that I hold onto is this. I am literally a part of my mother. She goes on through me. I know that. Sometimes I notice in my mannerisms how much my mom and I are alike. You mother lives through you. My mother lives through me. We bury our moms and that is so hard, but their legacy is still here. If you want to find it just look in the mirror.

Go on for your mom. Go on for yourself. Let's keep something that our moms loved so much (us) alive. 

It is my mom’s birthday to two days. She wouldve been 61. Been dreading this day everyday this past month. How can someone you knew and talked to everyday suddenly not be here the next? Then it seems like their whole life is reduced to their last days... cause thats what sticks to your memory.. no matter how much i try to think of the good times, i always end up thinking about the end... and how she didnt deserve any of it... 

I am realizing that I will never “get better”..  I miss her terribly especially at night when I return home from work and find myself alone, reminiscing about the old days in a bucket of melancholy. 

Crystal, it's a double edged sword. I can remember my mom when she was healthy. Even that makes me sad because it leads me to visualize what became of her. The reality of what happened always comes back to you.

I don't believe that we will ever "get over it", but I have to hope and believe that time will help us accept what has happened. That somehow we can learn to live with it. I have known older people who just shut down after losing their spouse. If we want to live and be happy, we have to make a decision to not shut down. That's easy for me to say. I can tell you that but I don't know how to actually pull it off. Circumstances play such a big role. Even if I were ready to move on, the circumstances of my life keep me where I am. I just hope and pray that they improve.

Crystal, yes I agree the reality of what happened to my mom re-plays over and over in my mind.

I myself will never get over losing my my so unexpectedly, I didn't get to say mom I love you, maybe I would have peace if I was there and holding her hand, but I wasn't.

Happy Easter everyone.

The past few days have been really hard my mom is constantly in my thoughts.

I miss her so much, its so difficult sometimes.

My mum passed on Thursday 15 March 2018 at the age of 81. She gave me 57 years of her life from the day I was in her womb. I am 56 now and was her primary caretaker for more than a decade. She fell in the bathroom and I watched her gasping for breath and taking her last breath. She had COPD. When my father passed on 17 years ago, my heart was broken. Now my heart is burnt.

Selvi, my mom died of COPD, too. I am very sorry for your loss My mom died at the age of 81 as well. I was also her caretaker for over 10 years. A lot of similarities, but there is one great big one. We both love and miss our mom so much.

God Bless You.

Selvi I am sorry for your loss

My Mom passed away this past Christmas Day 2017. I am not doing well. My Mom was in hospice, and when she passed away, the hospice nurse came and took away her pain medicines. That was a good thing because now I think I may have been tempted to take her medicine to escape my sadness, grief, and pain. I think I have fallen into a deep depression, it's no longer just overwhelming grief, but worse, if that can be possible. Can someone please write to me to give me encouragement. Please. I am drowning.

Marie, you're not drowning. You are grieving the loss of someone you love with all of your heart. You're not alone. I feel like I'm drowning too. I'm not. You know how I know? I'm still breathing. I lost my mom on Christmas Eve, 2015. She was also on Hospice. There must be different rules guiding Hospice her in NC. I wanted them to take those medicines away but they wouldn't. They told me that legally they couldn't. I couldn't even give them to the police. I had to take them to a drop box. I never had the desire to take them because they would not have brought my mom back.

I want to give you encouragement. It's hard because I don't know you and your relationship with your mom was unique to you and her, but I know this... we both love our moms so much it hurts, and losing them makes it hurt so much worse. Please remember how much your mom loves you. Know that of all your mom possessions, the one thing that she loved the most was you. Know that she will always love you and that love NEVER dies. Know that you will see her again, and when that day comes, you will never have to say goodbye again. Your mom will never be sick again. She will be waiting for you. I know she will. Hold on. Have faith. We are here if you ever need to talk. Believe me that we understand what you are feeling. Remember that you are still breathing and take baby steps, but keep moving forward when you can. Please know that your mom lives on through you. She is literally a part of you. She always will be. You are bound together. She's not gone. Just look in the mirror. You will see her in you.

God Bless You my friend. I am always here for you.

Brett, thank you so very much for writing me back, just to know that someone is there, it means the world to me. I keep rereading your comments over and over; and they are providing me with tremendous comfort. I don’t think I can adequately express how much I appreciate this, more than you will ever know. You see, I’m having some awfully dark thoughts and you are quite literally saving my life.  From the bottom of my heart, I am filled with enormous gratitude for you, and for giving me strength.

Marie, don't beat yourself up for having those thoughts. If you read all of these pages you will see that many of us have had those dark thoughts. You are in tremendous pain and you want that pain to stop. I would say that is a natural reaction to such a great loss. I can tell you what saved me. Two things: I can just imagine my mom next to me crying, saying, "Please no! Don't do it!" And secondly I remember how my mom suffered for so long and she sustained until the end, until she took her last breath. She never gave up I want to honor my mom by following her example. I want to keep her alive through me. I can see her in me. Some of my mannerism's are so much like my mom's. She's still with me. I can't hug her anymore, but she's a part of me.

We look for strength where we can. Some can do it through their spouse or their children. We look for a reason to live, and we always look for a light at the end of the tunnel. It has to be there.

I don't have a wife or a child. I've got a little dog who has my heart, and if she is my reason for getting up in the morning and taking her for a walk, than God bless her. If seeing her wag her little tail, or if a lick on the face can give me joy, than God Bless her.

Today I was off from work. I bought a big bundle of flowers and took them to the local Catholic church. I put them in the arms of a statue of The Blessed Mother. I told her my story. I told her that I didn't have a mother and I asked her if she would do it. I asked her to not just be a statue to me. That may sound odd, especially when you know that I'm not even Catholic. It made me feel good. I even kissed her on the cheek. For all I know  there may be a rule against that. I don't know. I just know that I am searching. I am soul sick. I'm a loss little boy who misses his mother, but I'll keep trying. I'll keep hoping. Love is the most powerful force in the world. I will never give up on love. And when all else fails I remember how much my mom loved/loves me. I'll live on for her, and then hopefully one day I will be strong enough to live for myself. I want this for you, too. Find happiness where you can. Look for joy in little things. It could be the wag of a tail. It could be just giving someone a compliment and brightening someone else's day. Know that this life is not forever. Never lose hope that it can get better. As long as there is a sliver of hope, hold onto it. Don't give up. Your wound is very fresh, and I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it will heal quickly. There is no timeframe for this. We heal in our own time. But we can heal. We will heal if we allow it to happen. Allow it to happen, and know that we are here for you. You are not alone, buddy. I don't know you from Adam, but I can promise you that you are in my heart now. I know what it's like to lose a mom. I'm with you and I'm pulling for you. I'm praying for you. We will get through this. When you cry, know that I am here and probably crying, too. You're not alone.

Brett and Theresa...thank you for your condolences. Like you Brett, I do not have a husband or children nor a dog. Somehow, my mother landed on my lap. My brother always says " It is a blessing to take care of an elderly parent."  To lose that elderly parent is definitely NOT a blessing. My mother would be always home to welcome me after work. She would even cook for me during weekdays.  She was still mobile till her final moments but she was at risk for falls. That took her her life. My house is 'empty' now. My mum's suffering has ended. But mine has begun with her passing. The pain is so raw. 

Marie, do you know what I have to live with everyday? I talked to my mom on the phone at 7:20am on 12/19, she was going to the hospital because her stomach was bothering her, to make a long story short, I did not get to the hospital in time, I was pulling in twenty minutes later and I got a phone call from a nurse at the hospital that she had gone into full cardiac arrest, I never got to say mom I love you, she was not sick this was a shock, they attemped CPR, to no avail while I watched, it was horrible, I live everyday of my life with those thoughts in my mind, I cry everyday, I have no one, no kids, just my 10 year old Lab., I pray everyday please help me, please let me know it will be alright, this is my third year without her, the pain is still there, I have learned to live my new life without her, she was all I had......

You are in the beginning stages of grief, this is what I say cry if you want to, go through the stages of what your body needs.  

We all know our moms don't want us to be upset, but I hurts, they were our moms.

Brett, you know I bought a dozen of bright pink roses to the Blessed Mother on a Friday, and can I tell you one week later when I went again they were as big and beautiful everyone was commenting on them, I smiled.

I have to say on Easter I watched something that I should not have the Mel Gibson- The Passion of the Christ, I cried even harder, I don't know if I should have done that but that is what Jesus went through for us for our sins.   

Brett you seem to always know how what to say to make me feel a littl better... I remember reading somewhere that grief comes in waves.. you’re doing fine, smiling, until a picture of your loved one pops into your head. But it seems lije its the other way around for me. There are moments when I think “ Hey I can get through this. Mom would want that.” .. but that lasts just brief second until the pain of losing my mom washes over me again.. I try to tell myself that I was lucky to have the last conversation with my mom before she went into cardiac arrest and had to be put on a breathing tube.. But its not what I hoped it would be .: I did not tell her I loved her because I didnt want to face the fact that she was dying. I did not know that in just an hour she wouldnt be able to look me in the eye.. When she went into cardiac arrest, she had to be put to sleep in fear of having more. She woke up a few hours later, responsive.. but she couuld not talk, and when she opened her eyes, her glucose was so low that her vision was gone. I told her my last goodbyes during this time- i knew she heard me because she was crying and squeezing my hand... I was so thsnkful at that moment.. But now I cant get that image out of my mind. The image of tears strolling down her face as she tried to speak out to us but couldnt. The tears when she realized she was dying... I just wish she couldve said something bsck to me.. that she’ll be ok or that she’s in peace.. Instead she had to listen to each of us bid her goodbye, telling her its ok to leave.. what if she was trying to say that she didnt want to? That she didnt want to die... She was alone with her thoughts... and that is something I will never get over... oh i miss her so much.. it three months it will be a year since she passed.. how has time gone by so fast... Everyone has forgotten.. and I’m left mourning for a piece of my soul that will never return. 

Sorry for the misspellings. Posting from my iphone. 

Crystal, you were very lucky to have been able to say goodbye, there are many things that stick in my head also.

Its been a long journey I too just miss her so much.

Crystal, you said something that sticks with me as well. My mom's quality of life was slipping away. There were so many times when she told me or her friends that she was ready to die. But I also remember the look on her face when the doctors told her there was nothing more that they could do. And I remember the look on her face in those last hours. She was afraid and she was confused. That hurt me greatly. I was searching my brain for anything that I could say that would bring her peace, but our mother's were human, and few things are scarier than facing our own death. I imagine that when you saw those tears after you told her that you love her, you couldn't know for sure if it was those words that touched her, or if they were brought about by fear, and just not wanting to die. It was probably a combination of all three. And this is one of the reasons why we grieve so hard. We love so much, but in the end their was nothing that we could do to protect our moms. We had to watch them experience this alone. Even if we were by their bedside, they still had to take that next step alone. And then they were gone.

Sometimes I try to tell myself that mom wouldn't have wanted me to be so sad, but let's be honest, we are going to feel what we feel. Some people try to mask it but it's there. And I know that there are some who lose their moms and seem to go along just fine. I'm not one of those people. I'm broken.

I don't know if this will be a comfort to anyone but I remember that what are moms experienced will eventually happen to us as well. There will come a day when it's our turn to walk that last mile alone. Losing our moms was not unjust. Everyone dies. The circumstances can sure be unjust. Not being able to say goodbye, not being able to ask forgiveness for so many thins, not being able to say I love you for the last time. Those things are treacherous and they are things  that so many of us here are dealing with. But I said goodbye. I said I love you. I held her hand until she took her last breath and then I held her hand for a while longer. It still hurts so badly. It hurts too much.

The only thing that can really bring me comfort is to know that I had such a wonderful mom. It was a blessing to have loved so much, and it was a blessing to have been loved so much. For all of the sad feelings I have now, I would sure do it all over again. Our mom's were worth it.

Marie, I've been worried about you. Please let us know that you are okay.

Theresa, have you ever been to Medjugorje? I'm thinking about going.

No Brett I have not where is it?

There is an amazing story behind it. In 1981 six children claimed that Mary appeared to them. She still appears to them there. It's in Bosnia. 

Oh yes I heard about that.  

I am losing my family. My sister's husband died suddenly yesterday. I feel so sorry for my sister. First our Mom which neither of us have stopped grieving for and now her husband of over 40 years. I want to be supportive for her, but instead, I am pulling inside myself with grief. I just do not know what to do. Nothing I do will take her pain away. I feel so darn helpless. I am lost in a sea of tears.

I am glad my Mom is not here to go through this. It would have hurt her so much. To have one of her children hurting like my sister is right now would have been too much for her. 

I want to call my sister right now to be supportive, but it is too early in the morning. I want to go be with her, but grief is shutting me down. I feel so powerless to help. I hope God gives me some strength, because I have little right now.

Bluebell

Bluebell I am so sorry my thoughts and prayers are with you and your sister at this time

Thank you Theresa. Your support and prayers are appreciated.

Bluebell

What a beautiful Mom. Thank you for sharing.

Bluebell

So sorry for your loss Hannah lost my mom in 2007 not a day goes by I don't think about her. She was a great listener if someone was hungry she would feed them.So many little things she would do to show she cared.

Hannah - so special, sorry for your loss

Bluebell, there is nothing that you can say or have to say. Just be there for her. Just walk beside her.

Hannah, Your mom has such a sweet face. Never feel badly about having a rocky relationship with your mom. We all know that life is not like The Brady Bunch. Sometimes we got mad at our moms, sometimes we argued, but the love was always there. Love is the most powerful emotion on earth and in heaven. I do believe that your mom is watching out for you in heaven. Just like my mom, whatever has passed is in the past, but the tremendous love will always remain. 

I'm with you my friend. You are in my heart and in my prayers.

Bluebell, my mom lived in a neighborhood that was filled with predominately older people. Since my mom died, three of the people who used to check up on my mom and me have passed. It's hard. A couple of weeks ago I went back to my mom's house to check the mail. I saw her friend Art at the mailbox. He asked me how I was doing and how I liked my new place. I went back there yesterday to check the mail again. One of my neighbors saw me and told me that I should say hello to everyone before I left. I told her that I was going to stop by Art's to tell him hello. She said, "Oh, didn't you know? Art died last week."

It is hard, and there comes a point where we say "enough is enough." But I also know that as we get older this will happen more and more. My grandmother died at 95. She told me that she was ready to go because she knew more people in heaven than on earth. That's a sad reality and I guess, if we live long enough, we will all be able to say that. I just hope and pray that for all of us here that we can find joy, comfort, security, and peace, in the life that we have. I am one sad kid, but I still keep looking. I still keep hoping. Let's all hold on to hope.

God Bless you, and God Bless your sister.

Joe, you spoke volumes about your mom in one paragraph. That was a wonderful tribute to your mom, and such a wonderful way to be remembered.

Sepsis. My brother in law died of sepsis. My sister had to make a decision after he coded 3 times. We all loved him very much. He was a very special person and a respected scientist and professor. I am devastated. My sister is crushed. Things happen that are horrible and it is just not fair. First there is Mom and Dad. Then there is just Mom. Then there is no Mom. There is my sister and her husband. Now there is just my sister. Then there will be no more sister. I just hate this. I hate adding grief upon grief upon grief!

Bluebell 

Brett you are so right always.

Bluebell, did he have surgery and get sepsis?  

Do any of us ever sit and think when will it by my time and how will I get there?

Its the mystery of life 

I still cry when I think of my mom and seeing a happy go lucky person one day and in cardiac arrest the next.  

I just try to accept what was given to me.

Unfortunately I have unanswered questions, but guess I have to live with those.

I lean on my faith everyday...

Bluebell i feel for you. Sepsis is a horrible and very deadly illness thst not a lot of people know about. My mom also died from complications oftom sepsis, heart failure, etc. It kills me everyday thinking about it. Im sure your sister woll be replaying the circumstances leading to her usband’s desth over and over. Send her our love. 

No complications from surgery. He had one day of not feeling well like he had the flu, then that night he could not stand and had difficulty breathing. 911 was called. He went to one hospital, then was transported to another. He made it to ICU, but then began coding. What complicated things was that for some unknown reason, his platlets were very low which meant his blood had lost some of its ability to clot. When my sister learned he had started bleeding into his brain, she said to let him go. He would not want to live if his brain was not functioning. He had just had a full blood work up maybe 2 weeks ago, and everything was fine. He did not believe in an afterlife because being a scientist, he said it was not proven. But he was a good man and helped many people through his teaching and research. I have to believe that he has a place in heaven now and that he and my Mom are together. And if there is political debuts in heaven, they are having one now, just like they did when they were both on earth.

Bluebell 

Sometimes hearing the words, "The circle of life" just does not suffice. 

Crystal

My sister is playing the " If I had just intervened sooner, he would be here today." She is also replaying the whole incident in her head. I understand as I did and still play the same things about my Mom's death. She reassures me, when I need it, that I did everything I could to help Mom. Now it is my turn to help her get through this and to listen to what she has to say. I do not try to distract her when she cries or when she wants to talk about it. I know from personal experience, that distraction from an outside source does not help. When it is time, she will distract herself. 

I wish I could lessen her pain. I wish I could lessen everybody's pain. But I can not. All I can really do is offer emotional support and also try to help with some of the responsibilities she will have coming up. I think we all know how physically and emotionally draining a time like this is.

Bluebell