Theresa this is so true I have  found my mind is always wondering at times I am glad to hear from you guys.

I just wanted to tell everyone I am so glad I found this group it helps when the days are long and tough. Thanks for always listening. I hope you guys are all doing okay.

Hello Everyone, It's been a long time since I posted last. I'm doing well actually. I'm juggling a lot of responsibility as normal but emotionally I think I'm ok. I miss Mom always but time really has helped ease the pain and grief. I never thought I would ever say that. February 24th will be two years. Dad grieved so hard that he developed dementia and in October I had to move him to a nursing home after 17 days in the hospital. It was and still is very difficult having them there but he is doing so much better with the help of constant care and assistance. I'm still frustrated with my out of state siblings who do not make the effort to come home and visit with my dad. They are only 3 1/2 hours away. I feel that they could come once a month or at least every other month and spend time with him but they don't. I'm the only immediate family he has left here. Thankfully he has some friends and cousins that visit him occasionally. 

I hope all of you are doing well. Sharing your thoughts and feelings are have been a big part of my healing. Thank you. 

Lisa

Valentines Day will be the 1 year anniversary of my Mom's death. For the most part, I have been feeling okay. But today for some reason I am reliving in my mind the last 2 days of her life and questioning "why didn't I say or do this" and "I wish I had not done or said that." Intellectually, I know I can not change anything and that I did the best that I could. But that is not helping to stop the thoughts and the sadness I am feeling right now. I know from past experience that if I ride it out, I will feel better again. But it is tough to be in the middle of it.

Bluebell

I've moved. I had to get away from my family. None of them no where I am now, and that's how I want it. I had lifetime rights to my mom's house but the vitriol has been incredible. In a way I feel like I let my mom down by letting them win, but it's over now. They had reduced my mom to money. Well, they will get it now. She was so much more to me. They will never understand.

Bluebell, my thoughts are with you. Believe me, I know.

So it's been awhile since I've post it on here my life just seems to be in turmoil it's upside down and nothing like it used to be without my mom in it I'd like to say I'm coping well but honestly it would be a lie some days are better than others but they all really suck I've been dealing with the fact that I would lose my mother sooner than later my whole life when I was just 6 my mother was told she had 5 Days to Live and even though she made it to see 54 years of age and to see me to 28 I'm still not okay with the fact that she's gone I have two little boys that grandma's everything and I have tried to explain to them the best way I know how that grandma' has gone to be with god but they just don't seem to get it every day all they do is ask me when Grandma's coming back is Grandma still sick inin the Hospital when can they go see her I just repeat the same thing to them over and over but but they just don't seem to get it and as awful as that sounds I'm so tired of repeating it I'm still coping with it and my life is in shambles and I'm just tired of talking about it day in and day out it's hard to continue to act like it's something that didn't happen when they won't quit talking about it so in turn I feel like I'm doing a disservice to my mother's memory and a disservice to my children and I feel like a bad mom but I'm just not ready to continue talking about it has anybody else gone through this and and if so do you have any suggestions? 

Hi Kelly. I know exactly how you feel it is still hard for me to think and talk about my mom. Its horrible but i try to push thoughts of her away because then I would completely lose it. I too feel like it isnt fair for my mom she deserves to be remembered but even thinking about the happy times make me even sadder cause we will never be able to create more good memories. I think we just need time or that is what everyone tells me. It has been seven months since my mom died and I feel like the pain had gotten worse. The first few weeks I was clinging to anything of hers and sleeping on her bed cause I didnt want to believe she was gone but now I cant even step foot in her home or look at pictures of her cause its so heartbreaking. I miss her terribly. I hope you get thru this and eventually are able to share happy memories of your mom with your boys. 

I am saddened for you Brett that your family are not treating you with love and respect you deserve for all that you did for you beloved Mom. God bless you and hold you up during this trying time of transition.

Bluebell

I get it Brett. I can totally relate. I am still not only in shock about the loss of my late, great Mom, but also in shock of how my siblings dealt with her loss as so much a matter of "money" (not that she had much, but she did own the family house). They made me move out just a few days 3 months after she passed away. I was obviously in a state of shock, grief and disbelief. They did not care. They wanted that house on the market and that house sold. Well, they got what they wanted. They got their money, I got my money (which is worthless compared to my Mom) and I remain in a state of grief over 7 years later.

I am so sorry.

Its always about money when someone dies isn't it, how sad.
I know my mom worked hard for what she had, her house she lived in for 60 years, she was the first house built on the dirt road and suburbs, now its unbelievable.
She always used to say this house is for you and your brother, and I would say mom please.
Even though it has been two years, every night when I get in bed I say mom I love you and miss you I hope you know that, I cry, its still hard, I guess it will always be afterall she was my mom and always will be.
I just keep saying mom please come to me, let me tell you I love you one more time so I can go on with my life, since she died so suddenly I didn't get to say anything.

Kelli, it sounds like your children are very young and just don't have the capacity to understand death. A few things that came to my mind I've heard about others in your situation doing is to have them write a letter to her. You could either let them believe you mailed it to heaven or take them with their letters to her grave side (if she was buried and let them read it to her or just talk to her there). I hope this helps but the truth is, it is so hard and most things in their lives, we as parents can help them with. But, this is something that we ourselves are struggling to deal with and can't find the strength to help them when we are barley holding on too. 

Say not in grief that she is no more
but say in thankfulness that she was
A death is not the extinguishing of a light,
but the putting out of the lamp
because the dawn has come.

The tide recedes but leaves behind
bright seashells on the sand.
The sun goes down, but gentle
warmth still lingers on the land.
The music stops, and yet it echoes
on in sweet refrains.....
For every joy that passes,
something beautiful remains.

I found these and wanted to share them with you all

Bluebell

Very nice mini poems Bluebell. Thank you for sharing

Valentines day will be 1 year since my Mom passed away. I think of her daily. On the 14th, we will have lunch at Mom's house and remember her together. On Feb 15th, my sister, her husband and our cousin are going on a tour of a private zoological garden that is close by. They have a white Bengal Tiger---Mom's favorite. She will be there because she is in our hearts.

I am still grieving her death. Sometimes it is still intense, but mostly it is a lot softer. The other night I was driving and thought how wonderful it would be if I could go to Mom's house and she was still there. I miss her.

Bluebell

 Bluebell  I feel the same way sometimes I’ll just be folding laundry and I’ll look over my moms picture I’ll look at her face and just cry I say mom I miss you so much I’ll never forget you mom I’ll never forget your face always smiling 

 How lucky I was to have such a wonderful mom who never wanted anything for herself  she only cared about her children being happy 

 I still wake up at night and I think about her and I said mom I miss you and I hope that you can hear me mom

 What I can say is though the death of my mom has changed me dramatically I just don’t feel like I’m the same person 

Very nice poems bluebell 

Blubell and Theresa I feel the same it happens to me driving in the car when I’m alone and my tears start. Theresa stay strong my mom’s 1 yr is feb 23 I’m finding just as hard as it was the first day. I saw this in a Facebook grieving group thought I’d share it. This sums it 

I feel that very few GET it! How can they when she was my BEST FRIEND of my entire life from DAY 1?! There are SO many times when I need to ask my Mom (and my Dad) their advice on day-to-day things that I KNOW they would help me with. Not just that, but them not being here. There is no escaping the love,  parenting, guidance, and everything they gave me. In addition to the memories and past times, which are gone forever. I MISS THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

Not that I WANT to escape it! But all those years ago it seemed like they would always be there! I just can't believe they are gone! Life is so lonely without them and so completely different to those very happy days when they were here! My memories of those years are SO VIVID!  I remember them all as if it were yesterday. I am SO DEPRESSED! I cry so much and wake up and think about them and can't believe thisall happened. I knew it would someday, but not so soon and not like this!

Please help!

This all.

Sherri that is very nice and true, it has been two years for my mom, nothing has changed I miss her just the same.
Douglas, I am without both parents also.
And no they do not get it, that's because they have not gone through what we have.
Karma my friend

Douglas, I think you touched on something that really hit close to home. My mom was a daily part of my life. I can just close my eyes and see her and hear her. It's like I just saw her. It's like I could yell, "Mom", and she would say, "What?" That's what is so frustrating for me. It's like she's there but I know that she isn't. I want her to be there. It's hard for me to reconcile that she is not.

I realize that many others will not understand, but it kills me that my brothers and sister do not. I recently moved out of my mother's house to preserve family peace. There is no peace. I got an e-nail from my sister a few days ago. She told me that she hated our mother. She said that she was a horrible mother. I was more shocked than angry. Now I'm angry. She said that mother never loved her. My mom loved her more than anything. One of the last things my mom did before she died was to transfer a lot of money into my sister's account. There was no reason. She did it just because. About a week before my sister died, my sister came to visit. She fell down our stairs while bringing up some luggage. She went to the emergency room. She wasn't hurt badly. She just needed some stitches. It was late. I could not get my mom to go to sleep until she knew my sister was okay. Mom stayed up until three in the morning waiting for her to get home. She called my sister on her cell phone every few minutes. My mother was dying. She didn't care. She was just worried about he daughter. And my sister hates her now because I am supposedly her favorite. My mom loved us all.

Now that we are selling the house, they are having group e-mails and telephone calls. I am not included in any of it. I don't even get a response when I write to ask them a question. They can come together over selling a house, but they could not come together for my mom when she needed them the most. Now they are all fast friends. These were three people who didn't even speak to each other. Now they are together because of a common enemy. Me.

My mom loved all of us with all of her heart. They have banded together against my mom and me. For all their talk of despising my mom, they don't mind taking her money.

They do not understand that mom and I became so close because I was her caretaker. They will never understand.

Brett I am sorry to hear all this has happened just know that you did took care of her and she knew that sometimes its the little things that matter more. It's hard when family don't see eye to eye I have one brother who stopped speaking to me and my mom many years ago. I tried to get him to see her but he didn't want to talk I told him I'd leave so he could see her but never came. I told her nothing because it broke my heart for her that he didn't care enough any more. When I did tell him the news I told him he's my brother I will always love you but I will never forget how he hurt her more so I get it. I just want you to know your mom loved you and sometimes family isn't all they seem to be. Big Hugs my friend.

I am so sorry you are going through this with your family. Is there at least one of them that is not bitter and is more enlightened than the others that you could talk to? I think it would have to be agreed to in advance that during the conversation, neither of you would be allowed to become defensive or argumentative.  Just a thought.....

Bluebell

Sadly, there is no one in the family that I can talk to. At first it was that I was living in my mom's house. I left there to create some kind of harmony. That didn't work. They are happy alright. They have money coming. But there is somethings else. My mom and I were extremely close, and that just increased ten fold when I became her caretaker. 

If there is a bright side in this (there's not), sometimes I wonder if it's me. If I am the one who is wrong, but my extended family are backing me completely. Mom's sisters spoke with her every day until she died. It means the world to me that they are supporting me in this. That someone understands how much I loved my mom, and what it meant for me to be her caretaker. 

The sad reality is that my mom is gone and not coming back. If ever I wished that I could hug her it would be now. I'll go through this alone.

I will never forget, a couple of days after my mom died, one of my brothers called me. He said, "What do we get?" He then asked me what the biggest tv in the house was. And then he asked me which tv was the newest. He said, "I'm going to come up there and get one of them." My mom was reduced to a flat screen tv. Now she is reduced to the market value of a home. I don't understand. I will never understand. 

One day the Lord will come for us, I believe that, but until then there is a lot of cruelty and sadness that is attached to being here. I'm broken.

I still have one of mom's little dogs. Her life has changed son much. She use to have me, mom, and her sister. Now she spends too much time in her kennel while I am at work. She's older an incontinent. I just keep looking at her and saying, "I'm so sorry." I know what her life was like, and I know what mine was like. I just miss my mom.

Bluebell, you are in my thoughts today...

Mine as well.

Thank you Brett and Theresa. The anxiety I experienced on the days before during and after the 1 year anniversary of Mom's death has been hard to deal with. It is less today which I am grateful for. Both my sister and I are overwhelmed when we try to make plans to sell her house. So we just hang on to it, thinking that somehow it will get easier and we will know when it is the right time. But maybe we are fooling ourselves. There will never be a right time and it will always be a hard thing to do. 

Bluebell, yes it is hard, I do not know how I found the strength to clean out the house, the shed and everything else so quickly, I was in a fog, I don't even remember it.  I might have done everything too quickly, but I had a brother that lived far away and put me in charge of it all.

In my opinion for myself the second year was harder than the first, I don't know why.

I remember when my dad passed away, my mom gathered all his clothes and called Viet Nam Vets and they were donated.

In way I guess I am glad its finished, but can I just say the hardest thing that brought me to tears was when I went back to the car dealer with her little VW Passat she leased 6 months ago, remembering when we picked out the car her saying to the sales man "what if I die during this lease", it was surreal and I cried, I must have had that look on my face for people to say it will be alright, for who I said?

Time keeps going  and I do cry quite often, everytime I think of her, there is no time on the grieving, but others think so.

I certainly miss her she was my everything, my world, my friend, my mom.

I pray she knows I love her and miss her......and I ask God for strength everyday.

We donated Mom's personal things like clothing, blankets, shoes and all the American flags she kept from 4th of July to the Vets with in 1 month of her death. It was a hard day, but had to be done. But it is all the other things, like the cat statues she collected, what she used in the kitchen, all her stuffed animal collection, the pictures she put on the wall, her 3 cats( 2 of which live in her backyard and are are partially feral), the furniture she picked out and her plants outside etc are all part of what made her, her. I know they are just things, but they had meaning to her.

Brett- almot as if u are telling my story.  my thoughts and prayers are with everyone today.

Hi, My name is Jessica. This is my first time here. I lost my mom unexpectedly on January 16th 2018. She was only 52 years old. I found out the worst way that she passed which still haunts me to this day. I was helping my fiancé with shooting his masters film and during a break I looked at my phone. On Facebook there was a picture of my mom and my uncle post my youngest sister passed away unexpectedly. I was in disbelieve because no one told me. In the end, it was true. I am hoping this grief site will help me through this ruff journey. I feel like I have no control over my life.

Jessica, that is beyond horrible. I am so sorry.

Jennifer, I think that my story (our story) is probably all too common.

My prayers are with both of you.

Brett- thank you . 

I cant wait until i can actually get a good nights rest. Im up again and cant sleep .

Jessica, I am so sorry, you found a great group of people here.

To find out through a post is upsetting.

Was you mom ill?

Brett, Bluebell, and everyone how are you holding up?

Brett it is our third year and Bluebell you just crossed your first.

Theresa- my mom had lupus but it was not affecting her organs. It would cause her legs and knees to swell. She had a seizure disorder but they were under control. There was no signs she was going to pass . 6 days before she passed I dropped my dog off for her to baby sit because i was helping my fiance out in Tallahassee . I found out she died while I was still in Tallahassee .

I'm very surprised that no one called you. Maybe your uncle assumed  that you already knew? Again, I am so sorry.

Theresa, it is still so hard. I moved close by to my mom's house. I have been cleaning it out little by little. The emptier that house becomes, the more I realize that my mom is not there. There were so many things that have been amassed over 30 years. I have to let so much go. We are having a service come in tomorrow to haul away what's left. Every time that I go back there and rummage through things I find something that brings back flood of memories. It's hard sitting in that house by myself, listening to the wind, like echoes of the past. The next time I go back there the house will be completely empty. I don't want to go back but I have to. Every time I leave, I look at the window and just imagine that my mom is waving goodbye to me for the last time. It's heartbreaking.

Jessica, you found out in about as horrible a way as I can imagine, but believe me when I tell you, there is no good way. It all hurts badly. I don't know what to tell you. That memory will be with you for the rest of your life. My hope is that one day you will be able to focus almost solely on the love you shared.

Brett- my dad called at midnight a bunch of times. So i called him back and he said he was trying to get intouch with my mom .This phone call was before i saw facebook .I thought it was weird he called me late at night. That is not like him but he never mentioned my mom passed. Then when i saw the post on facebook i called him and he said he was going to tell me when i came back to tampa. That night i was mad at him but later own i realized he did not want to ruin my time with my fiance. Then 3 days later a voice message showed up that my grand father called that night. I dont know why i did not show up. I just wish my uncle would of made sure i knew before he posted . My aunt apologized for my uncle. For posting my uncle still has not apologized. But thats usually what i uncle will do not take responsibility .

I think that your dad may have been experiencing some shock. It's hard to make good decisions at such a time, but it was risky for him to not tell you. There was always a chance that you could find out secondhand. I'm not assigning blame. I just regret that you found out in such a way.

Brett- I was wondering how my dad felt about my moms death since they have been divorced for 14 + years . I wont lie in the beginning i was mad at my dad because he did not see sad at all. I know that they have not been together for a long time but they were married for 18 years at one time . 

Brett, I know I felt the same about her house, now I look at the pictures and cry, I have been crying alot lately, its the finality of it.

She was such a huge part of my life, I miss her so much, I have to say I cry alot even though it has been two years, my heart still aches.

Reading your post felt the same as if I was writing it...

I have bee pretty depressed and have not felt like doing anything the past 2 weeks. 

Bluebell

Theresa, it has been two years. It could have been two hours. I found photo albums that I had long forgotten about. There were lots of pictures that I may have never even seen. My mom went on a lot of business trips and she would take lots of pictures of the towns and of co-workers. They are hard to look at. There was my mom when she was still healthy. She probably tried to show me those pictures after they were developed, and I probably browsed though them without paying much attention. Why would I? I had the real thing (my mom) right in front of me. That house means so much to me. I was there for most of the 30 years that my mom was there. All of those nights mom and I would go to bed at night. All was right with the world. You know that it can't stay that way forever, but sometimes the future seems so far away. And now it's been two years since I lost my mom. Maybe leaving that house was like picking at a scab that has not yet healed, but who's kidding who? I will never get past this. Maybe I will learn to live with it, but as Theresa said, the finality of it all is overwhelming.

I want my mom back. That's not going to happen. I want to wake up to find that this has all been a bad dream, but that's not going to happen either. I pray a lot. I pray that I can find God's peace. I pray in a way that I have never prayed before. I pray that The Blessed Mother is aware of me, and that as a mom herself, that she is looking out for me.

I can hope anyway. I don't know how God works. I believe that my mom is in heaven. I believe that I will get there on day, but I sure could use a little help along the way, from above. How do you lose someone that you love so much, and still feel complete? What's more, how do you lose someone who loved you so much, and still feel complete. There is a 5'4", 120 pound void in my life. But I know this much... I was sure blessed to have had her.

Bluebell, you and me both. I feel you, buddy.

Jessica, I think you are describing something that many children of divorce (including myself) feel. My dad died first. It wasn't even a blip on the radar screen for my mom. People fall out of love. My mom and dad sure did. In fairness to my mom, my dad was horrible. People get divorced, but we rarely become divorced (emotionally) from our moms. That bond is for keeps. Sometimes I will talk with someone who is not close to their mom, and I will wonder how on earth that is even possible. I just know what I know. My mom was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

Brett, you said it all just the way I would have

And I know your mom and my mom are right there with the Blessed Mother watching over us always.

My faith is the only thing I have right now

Blubell, I feel the same way.....