Brett, 

Life is so hard and it's definitely not fair. No one should ever have to lose their Mom at any age. 

My mom has been gone for 20 months and I still miss her terribly and I do still talk to her out loud in my car. It makes me feel closer to her I guess. 

Emotions have been high for me these past few weeks because after mom died last year, within a few months, my dad showed some huge signs of dementia/Alzheimer disease. He has a lot of heart issues and diabetes. His dementia has now been diagnosed and for the past 3-4 weeks he was hospitalized and is now in a skilled nursing facility for rehab. I don't think he will be able to come home and I don't know how to tell him that. I feel so guilty for him being there but I know that he's safe and getting the medical attention he needs that I can't provide for him but it feels like I'm losing him now after just losing my mom last year. Saturday I took his dog (boxer) to the vet to have shots so I could take her to see my dad and the nursing home and the vet discovered some tumors on her that have a high chance of being cancer. So, I will probably lose "Abby dog" soon too. 

Life is definitely NOT fair. 

I was so glad that I was able to do everything my mom needed as a caretaker but that did not make her death any easier. I still lost her. I still have the finality of death in my mind that hits me every day like a sledge hammer. And it's the same with Boo Bear. That little dog was under my feet for years. And then in a split second she was gone.

Take Abby to see him. Don't tell him about the tumors until you absolutely have to. It's horrible. I had to tell my mom that she was dying. I had to explain to her what it meant to go on Hospice care. I had to wrap up little Boo Bears stiff body in a towel and take her to the vet for disposal. I had to hand her over to someone else. I had to watch the funeral home take away my mom's body on Christmas Eve.

I wish all of you well. That's all I can do is to pray for each of you. And I wish that the world could understand what it means when a person loses someone, or a pet, that they love so much. There is no time frame for mourning. I don't know when or if it ends. I know for sure that it will end on our final day.

I hope and pray that each of us will know love, peace, strength, and happiness until that day comes. I pray that each of you has someone to love you. Being truly loved is the greatest blessing on earth. We all had that with our moms. That is so hard to lose. And next to my mom, I have never experienced love like I have from my little dogs.

Brett, I hope you are handling everything as well as can be, that is my fear losing my dog, he is my strength

But hopefully time will heal.

It is coming up on two years for both of us, I'm still heartbroken, people just dont' understand it.

Maybe I should just accept it and stop being sad, I don't know.

I am going about my daily life, but she is on my mind always, is this how it will be, I'm still so anxious, I just want it to stop.

Thank you Brett. I took Abby to see Dad last Saturday and it was such a nice reunion. He was not as excited as I thought he would be but that's ok. Abby sat right beside dad the whole time and dad rubbed her head and talked to her some. He noticed the knocks on her side and asked about those so I told him they were tumors but the vet didn't think they were anything to worry about unless they started to grow so that buys me a little time. 

Theresa, I don't think we will ever "get over" losing our Mom. I know that I will not but I have learned to function in my life with her not here. It's harder at times than others. I still do talk to her and feel like I get small signs that she's still with me in some small way. This morning driving to work, there was a car in front of me with a sticker on the back window that said, Sashwatch and it had a picture of a sashwatch. I laughed out loud for like 3 minutes. Mom used to call us Sash sometimes when she was joking about something. I have never seen a sticker like that. I took a picture and send it to my brother. He laughed too and no explanation was needed. He knew. That's how I keep my Mom's memory alive. It's the little things. I miss her all the time and I always will. But the circle of life doesn't stop for us. I grieved so hard the first year that I had to go on depression medicine and I'm still on it. Its been my lifesaver. i know that I could not function well without it yet and that's ok too. I'm not at all ashamed of being on it. It has helped be to put things in their proper place and not cry multiple times a day. I do still get sad and cry sometimes over missing my Mom but that is normal. 

To all those who have recently lost their mom, The grief is over whelming but it does lesson with time. I never believed that the first year when people told me but now I know it is true. Sadly, we do learn how to carry on without our best friend (mom) and biggest supporter. The thing I miss the most is Mom's UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT! 

Theresa,

I'm glad your medicine helped you some. Talk to your doctor if it's not helping a lot. They may be able to adjust the dosage or even the type. There are several available and everyone's body is not the same. I look at it like this, I am dealing with enough right now that anything that helps make the days a little easier and less stressful, I'm willing to try. You are right that our Moms would want us to live as happily as we possible can so we have to fight our way back to a new happy place.  

Thank goodness my baby dog is doing well. To be honest, I still stay at my Mom's house even though I own a condo close by. I kept my dog there because my Mom's cat Charlie tried to attack him one time. I recently introduced my pup and Mom's cat to each other a little at a time. Now my boy is here full time. I can not express how much better I feel having him with me. He is such a positive little guy. I just love him to pieces and love taking care of him. I know my Mom would want me to feel better. I just hopes she understands how much I need him right now even though it is disrupting her cat's life.

Bluebell

Hi everyone, just checking in. I'm sad to hear all the trouble with beloved pets recently. I'm so sorry. I know that some times when it rains it pours. Having a tough day today myself. I have to remind myself that God will give me what I need each day to get through it. I try not to dwell in the future or in the past although it isn't easy. When I'm alone, especially if I'm looking at photos of my Mom or going through her things, sometimes I get so sad thinking about her and about having to do life without her, I feel like my grief will just consume me. I've been in and out of that head space a lot this week in preparation for her celebration of life tomorrow. I almost feel like I can't face it. I don't expect to be able to keep it together at all and I'm the one whose supposed to speak or lead the service or whatever. Ugh. I thought that my Mom's friends were doing it and at the last minute they said no, they wanted me to do it. At the time I went a long with it but now I'm wondering what in the h--- I was thinking when I agreed. I have nothing prepared and trying to prepare anything makes me cry. My Mom was a very private person with only a few friends and our family is very small. And I'm the only responsible member of my family...so I'm having to organize everything for tomorrow...BUT at the end of the day it is worth it for my Mom because she deserves a beautiful celebration of life. 

One or two people said that I will get a sense of relief or closure after Mom's celebration. It's hard to imagine that. Has anyone else experienced this?

I was just thinking about what you wrote below Bluebell about staying at your Mom's house. I think that I would stay at my Mom's too if I could. I still can't believe I don't have a Mom's house to go to anymore. I felt a bit comforted going in to my Mom's apartment before we had to empty it, smelling the familiar scent of plants and spices and seeing Mom's things the way she had arranged them. And even after she passed, I could still say "I'm going over to my Mom's place". Moving everything out was so unbelievably hard. 

Thanks for listening, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Luisa, My mom's funeral was delayed because of her death date (Christmas Eve). We had to wait until everyone was back in town from their holiday visiting. I think, I try not to think too much about that time, that it was almost two weeks before we had her funeral. I dreaded it. I helped my sister give the eulogy. But I have to say that it was a wonderful day. Well, at least as wonderful as the burial of one's mom can be.

I saw many friends of the family that I had not seen in years. Mostly, just seeing so many people gather to celebrate my mom's life meant so much to me. Also, and I hope that this does not come across as selfish, I needed emotional support. I received it that day. There will never again be a time when so many people gather to honor my mom, and to express love to her children.

I cannot say that the day brought closure. It brought closure in the sense that the funeral plans had been realized, and that so many people had the opportunity to pay their last respects to my mom, but I still missed my mom terribly. What was hard for me was to come back home that day knowing that my mom would not be there. There was honestly a part of me that wanted to come home that day, sit down with mom and tell her all about the service. She would have wanted to know who was there, what songs were played. I could imagine talking to her about it, but imagining was all that I could do.

You are taking another step in the grief process. I have no idea when the grief or sense of loss will dissipate. It is different for everyone. You will never lose it completely but it does get better.

The loss of my little dog (Boo Bear) was a microcosm of my mom's death. I wore Boo's collar on my arm for a few days. I couldn't even look at her things. I still miss her. I will always miss her, but for the most part I can think about her and smile now. Losing our mom's is a similar event but on a whole different level. There has to come a time when you can accepts the loss. It hasn't happened for me yet, but I will always have hope that little by little that day will come.

Until then I will take solace in knowing how much my mom loved me. And I will take solace in knowing that my mom knew how much I loved her. Lastly, I will take solace in knowing that I will see her again, and when I do, it will be for keeps. No more goodbyes.

God Bless You, Luisa. 

God bless you Luisa, he will be there to give you strength tomorrow.

For my mom she passed on the 19th of December, she was cremated on the following Monday, and I had to wait until after the Holidays to have her graveside service which was on New Years Eve.  We also have a small family in the area even though my mom was the baby of 11, they all live in NY.  Most are deceased, but the siblings are not close, I don't even know most of them.

My mom didn't want any fuss, she repeatedly told me when she was alive do not put it in the paper, so I didn't it was her wish, so at the graveside service it was the Catholic Priest that mom knew from mass everyday, the cemmetary person, the undertaker, my husband and I, my brother and his wife and four cousins that were extremely close to her.

It was all a blur to me, the whole year was.

I still miss her with all my heart.

That's right Brett it will be for keeps, because I didn't get to say goodbye, I say to myself that is because it is not goodbye, it is "I will see you later", what I would have given to say mom I love you.

Theresa, you can never say it enough. I kept thinking that my mom had taken her last breath, and then she would take one more breath. I kept saying, "I love you mom." When she finally did take her last breath, I wanted her to take another so that I could say it again. I want to tell her right now. You can never say it enough. You always want to say it one more time. I think that is partly because we know that we can't have our mom's, or anyone for that matter, forever. I think heaven is a place where we feel a total union with everyone. There will never be a reason to say goodbye because they are as much a part of you as your arm or your leg. Our mom's are a part of us now, but I believe that in heaven, it takes on a whole different level.

Luisa, how did everything go?

Brett, you got to say I love you and she heard you and knew it, you were very lucky to be able to do that.

We are both coming up on two years, I would say the second was harder than the first because reality set in.

Some days I am ok, but when the anxiety sets in it throws my body into a disarray.  I try to stop it but it becomes a vicious cycle.

Sometimes I say to myself this is so hard, please God help me and give me strength to get through the rest of my life

Theresa, there is no doubt that the second year has been harder than the first. I know it's different for everyone but in the first year there was a period where I was in shock. And then it was almost like my mom was away on a trip. In the second year it just hit me like a ton of bricks that she was truly gone and that I would not see her again in this life. I still have trouble accepting that.

Brett and Theresa thank you for your kind words. My Mom's service was wonderful. I did end up having to speak, and I surprised myself by being able to tell my Mom's story and talk about my love for her and what she meant to me without turning into a puddle of tears. Brett I think it was you who mentioned that at your Mom's service, it was comforting to have so many together who knew and loved your Mom. I felt the same way. I honestly wish we could celebrate her again, every year. There was a lot of laughter at Mom's service as people spoke and shared stories.  Even my Mom's sister, who is in terrible agony in her grief, was able to smile and share memories. I did feel a sense of relief after the Memorial, but certainly the grief will last a lifetime. Today I looked at a picture of my Mom that was taken when she was young, probably in her 20's. It is a close up of her face, one of my favorites. When I was looking at her face in the photo I was suddenly struck with a huge wave of sadness. I was seeing her face the way I remember it as a child, so comforting and familiar, and I felt like child, and I felt the reality of that huge void again. I've felt a lot of grief over the past year and a half, even before she was gone, because my Mom was so sick and transitioned quickly to someone who was very different from the woman she was just a couple of years before..But even in sickness she did everything she possibly could to be a mother to me. She still listened, gave me advice and loved me unconditionally. She downplayed her discomfort and fear so as not to burden me. Its just so unthinkable that I can't go to her anymore.  

Like Brett, my Mom and I did get to say I love you and say goodbye many times in the months, weeks and days before Mom left. But I could never say goodbye in a way that felt like letting go, because I did not want her to go. I told her it was ok for her to go, but I didn't want to. I felt that I was being selfish sometimes, because she was suffering in the end. But as long as she drew breath, she was still with me and I didn't have to deal with the unthinkable yet.

Theresa, I am so very sorry that you didn't get to say goodbye to your Mom when you knew it was the last time you would see her. I am absolutely certain that she knew how much you loved her, and she loved you just as much, maybe more, because she was your Mom. 

I've been forcing myself to get out and get regular exercise to help keep depression and anxiety at bay, especially with winter coming and coming up on my first holiday season without Mom. But I also take medication for depression, I have been on antidepressants for many years. I'm sure its helping me hugely right now. 

When the pain and sadness is hard to bear, I take a breath and remind myself that God is in charge of my life, just like He was in charge of my mother's life. I remind myself that God will give me each day what I need to get through that day. And I remind myself that Mom is watching, her spirit is with me and she would not me to dwell in suffering. 

Hugs to all -

Luisa

Luisa, the hardest thing I ever had to do was tell my mom that she could go. I had to do it twice. Once at the hospital we thought that she was going to die. She asked me if I could let her go. I told her that I didn't want to but that I did not have a choice. A few minutes later she asked me to leave the room. She told me that she couldn't die if I was with her.

I felt badly about that. I felt very selfish. My mom was ready to go. I would have never been ready. Before my mom actually did die, I told her that she could go and that I would be fine. I lied. It was all a lie but I believe that it needed to be said. I'm glad that I did say it. My mom died in peace.

Luisa, thank  you for  your kind words and yes God is in charge of our life our every move. 

Brett, its wonderful for you to know your mom died in peace, you were there until the last second and you should have no regrets at all.

Theresa, it's not regrets that I have. It's just that there is no good way to lose your mom. I didn't expect my mom to die on Christmas Eve. She was on Hospice and I knew that the prognosis was death but she was not on Hospice for very long. She had not been on Hospice for long. She had her faculties about her. We had conversation, watched TV together, everything was just like before. Christmas Eve morning I could just feel something was different. And when she actually started to die I just felt it. I don't know how I knew but I did know. I sat by her hospital bed for a long while and she gradually just slipped away. I saw her take her last breath. Since it was Christmas Eve it took a long time for the funeral home to get to our house. About three hours. Hospice came quickly. They folded her arms over her chest. I just sat there when they left and stared at her face by the light of the Christmas tree. It was agonizing. I couldn't look away. I just kept thinking, "She can't hear me. She can't see me. She can't answer me." And I knew that I would never be able to talk to her again. When someone dies it is like they are gone. That was a hollow shell of my mom laying there. The person I loved the most body was there but I knew that my mom was a million miles away. I couldn't go where she was. I held that gaze for so long because I knew that she would soon be in a coffin buried underground, like she is today. I wanted to drink her in for the last time. Her little dogs were cuddled up around her. I envied them because they didn't know what I knew. She was dead. When they finally came for her it was hard for me to let her go. I don't remember much past that. I was in shock. I don't remember going to bed that night. The following days were horrible. She was still such a presence in this house. Her medicine and her toothbrush was there. Her clothes were there. Everything was in its place except for my mom.

What I am trying to tell you is this... you can spend the rest of your life regretting not being with your mom when she died. But you have to understand that death came regardless of where we were at the time. There was nothing happy about my mom's last hours. Happiness was when she was alive. Death is death. As many times as I told her that I loved her, I don't know how aware she was of me and my words. She was buying. Somewhere in her mind she was dealing with the realization that her life would soon be over. It was not a Hollywood ending. The death of your most cherished loved on is a horrible thing to witness. I felt it again when her little dog Boo Bear died. I just sat and watched her die. There was nothing I could do. Except cry.

Even now I am watching TV. There was a time when I would be sitting her with my mom and her two dogs. Mom would be laughing at the King of Queens. Boo Bear would be bumping me with her little wet nose, until I pet her. And when I stopped she would do it again. They are both gone now. I won't see either of them again in this life. To me heaven is a place where I get to live with my mom forever, and little Boo Bear will be bumping that little wet nose against my leg forever. I will never find it annoying again. I'll just know that she is doing it because she loves me. Don't beat yourself up. You would still be grieving if you had been with your mom when she died. Think about the happy times. They are the ones that matter. Our mom's knew that we loved them with all of our hearts. Saying "I love you" is for us. It really didn't even need to be said. They knew.

Theresa, people like us, we just love our moms so much. It amazes me how easily some folks I have known have been able to get past the death of their mothers quickly. I was talking to a girl in my grief class. I asked her how often she thought about her mom. She said, "Every few days." That blew me away. She asked me how often I thought about my mom. I told her that mom never left my mind. Even when I was thinking about something else, mom is always in the back of my mind. It's a constant thing. She decided that she didn't need grief class.

I'm certainly not saying that I loved my mom more than she loved hers. I guess I just relied on my mom so much more, and for so many different reasons. I envy that girl some, but I can't help but wonder if I had a better, more meaningful experience with my mom. Loving our moms the way that you and I do is a high risk, high reward proposition. It was wonderful while it lasted, but now I am paying a price for leaning on my mom so much.

Would I change anything? Not much. I wish that I had appreciated my time with her even more than I did, but we can never really know what this feels like until they die. There is no other way around it.

Theresa, from the beginning I could feel your pain. And I know that your guilt adds fuel to your fire. There's no reason for it. The loss of your mom hurts you enough as it is. And you know that your mom would perfectly understand your reasons for arriving late to the hospital. Your life with your mom cannot be measured by the final minutes of her life. You loved her for your lifetime and she knows it.

Brett, you are so kind, everyone around me has just written this off, they are like my gosh she was 92 and did more than you until the minute she died, you are right we just had more meaningful realtionships with our moms.  I am right there with you, would I change anything, no, I just wish that I appreciated my time with her more.  Like taking ten minutes to learn how to make her delicious stew she used to make for us.  I was always rushing, saying ok mom, I got it.  One thing I do have and I am thrilled, my mom used to make pizzelles every Christmas season, she had packed away her old iron, with the recipe on top of it in her handwriting in a plastic bag.  I used it last year and will do the same again.  It reminds me of her so much.  She made so many and gave them to the priest, me, my co workers, her neighbor who lived alone. 

Yes I loved my mom with all my heart, but I could have been more verbal about it instead of holding it inside.

Theresa, I know that if the roles had been reversed and I had not been at my mom's side at the time of her death, I would feel just like you do. I would beat myself up for life basically. And I also know that people would have said, "Brett stop doing this to yourself. Your mama knew how much you loved her." It's like we just feel the need to beat ourselves up. And that is a shame because missing our mom's is hard enough as it is. Believe me, I have searched my brain for anything that I could have done differently. If you look hard enough you are going to find something, maybe a lot of things. But the bottom line is that I had a life with my mom. I lived it. I loved her. I will always love her. She loved me. 

We can't go back. So I will at least try to focus on the life that we had together. It must have been great. If it were not I wouldn't be missing her so much today. 

I pray that both of us will find peace in love.

It's been 23 months since I last saw my mom. I miss her so much. 

Its been 23 months since I last saw my mom, talked to my mom or looked at her smiling face

We are coming up on two years Brett, some people say boy times goes fast, but not for me

No, it has not been fast. I have felt every day of it. 

It has been a hard week. I have a couple of patient's that are very ill and getting closer to the end of their life. I have to talk with the families and let them know what is going on. Of course they are upset. I do my best to offer support, but I know there is nothing I can do to take away the grief they are experiencing now and in the future. Of course, it brings up the intensity of my own grief over the loss of my Mom. I feel drained and exhausted.

Bluebell

Bluebell, what you do is wonderful, you have a gift.

There is always something that bring of the grief of our loss, unfortunately.

God Bless

One of my longtime neighbors died last night. I didn't know at the time what was happening, but I saw the ambulance and heard the siren. I have heard that siren so many times. Just seeing that pulled a horrible trigger.

I was walking my dog this morning. My neighbor came out of the house and told me that his wife had died. I had known her for 30 years. The look on his face was something that I was so familiar with. It was shock. There was a hint of a smile and it all seemed like normal conversation for him, but I know that he reality will be very hard for him, and it can come at odd times. He has a lot to do today but at some point he will sit down. We have all seen this. We have all experienced it. As heartbroken as I was when my mom died, I just know that there was some kind of defense mechanism working in me that kept me from losing it.

I don't know what is worse; the immediate realization that you have just lost the person that you love the most, or the day when the finality of the loss truly sinks in.

And what may be even more cruel is that second realization is so slow to recede.

It sounds like it has been a rough week for us all.

Brett I also lost someone I knew this week, it is someone I have known for only a couple of years, but I had gotten to know her very well and her husband too. She fought a terrible form of cancer and knew that her time was limited. She went through multiple lines of chemo and fought it with everything she had. I knew that she was very sick but she always had such a positive glow and energy about her. She was always smiling and always more interested in talking with me about how I was doing than talking about herself. I feel very sad for her husband and how this will be for him. I'm certain that he is still in shock. I have sent him a card and will go to her service in December.

I think that I understand what you and Theresa mean about that protective denial that is there in the beginning. This is all still new to me, and the grief seems to come in fits and starts. Sometimes I feel numb and at a moments notice, something makes me think of my Mom, and that deep pain floods to the surface and I am overcome by the power of it.

Sharing my feelings here and reading what others are going through helps me feel less alone. Like when Brett said "I wish that I had appreciated my time with her even more than I did, but we can never really know what this feels like until they die". I never realized before my Mom was gone that she was a fundamental part of my identity. I was who I was, and she was my Mom. I took it for granted much of my life. I had no idea that one day I would seek out every single memory of her, all of those experiences and that they would become more precious than gold to me. I did not know that I would feel so lost without her. How could I have known? Having our parents alive in our worlds is all we have ever known, until they are gone.

Sometimes I feel angry that my Mom died at 68. It isn't fair. I really wasn't ready. And then I feel angry at myself and guilty thinking that I should have done more, could have done more. I cry and tell Mom out loud that I'm sorry. Then I imagine her hugging me and telling me it's ok.

I did want to say to everyone, you are not alone. There are many, many of us worn and wounded people and we can be there for each other. Don't despair. Our Mom's would not want us to live in despair. Hugs to all - 

Luisa, I guess I thought of my mom and I as having separate identities as well. There is some truth in there. If my mom and I did not have a separate identity I guess I would be gone now as well. I'm still here.

What may have been embarrassing to me at one time is easy to admit now. I was my mom's life companion. She was mine as well. It's almost as if we were an old married couple. I hope that does not sound weird. I just mean that, right now I am watching football. If my mom were still alive she would be sitting right here with me watching the game, and the truth was that there was no place that I would rather be. And not just on game nights. It could have been any night. My favorite thing was to watch TV at night with my mom and our dogs. I loved being at home with my mom. It's just the unconditional love that was between us, and our dogs knew nothing but unconditional love, so together we all made a pretty good team. A great team.

I didn't want to leave. Mom didn't want me to leave. The dogs sure didn't want me to leave. I wanted it to be like that forever.

That wasn't to be. And now I am lost. It's just me and one sweet little elderly dog now. I wish I could hit the rewind button. I can't. In a little while I am going to turn the clock back one hour. I wish that I could turn it back a lot farther.

Yes. I wish that I had appreciated my time with mom more. It still wouldn't have been enough. I would still be missing her right now.

We do all have a lot in common. We sure miss and love our moms. I wish that we could have a grievance group where we could all meet at the church on a weekday night and share stories, but we are all spread so far apart. No. we are not alone. It sure feels like it sometimes though. I miss my mama.

You are all in my heart though. I'm sorry that each of you are so sad as well, but I thank you for taking this walk with me.

God Bless you all.

I have been thinking that too, it would be nice if we could all meet together and talk in person. I was planning to join a grief support group this month, its run through the Hospice that helped care for my Mom. I found out last week that when they signed me up they had made a mistake, there actually wasn't a space for me in the group. I think its like a group/class that runs for 12 weeks. So the next one starts in February. I was hoping to be in the one that starts now because I thought it might help get me through the holidays, but it didn't work out. My Mom's Birthday is in February though and that will probably be a good time to have the extra support too I suppose.

I have to admit I'm in denial about the Holidays coming up. I have never not spent Christmas with my Mom, not once. I can't even imagine how it will be. My Mom and Dad divorced when I was 9, and I lived with my Mom and my brother mostly lived with my Dad. Mom never remarried and so it was just Mom and I until I moved out at 18. My brother and I, and Mom's sister were all she had really. I was lucky that my brother helped out quite a bit when Mom got to where she needed someone with her 24/7. My brother lives a few hours away from where Mom and I live, but he would close down his shop and drive down every week and stay Monday night through Wednesday morning with her. I was very proud of my brother for being such a good son and I also gained a whole new respect for him. It was very hard to witness my Mom's decline, she couldn't eat and she wasted away. Looking at pictures of her that were taken not long before she died are heartbreaking. Watching your Mom die is heartbreaking. Caring for her, cleaning her, turning her, trying to relieve her pain, trying to put on a brave face before her, those were quite possibly the hardest things I've ever done. I honestly don't believe it's for the faint of heart.

Brett you are a very strong person for being there for your Mom. I know that you are in a lot of pain now. But I believe that one day you will be able to think about your Mom and feel more love and peace than sadness, and life will be easier. You will realize that the special time you were able to spend with your Mom was a gift to yourself as well as to her. It makes sense to me that the process is longer and more painful for you than perhaps it is for some, because you were brave enough to walk with her and carry her all the way to the end. The pain you feel is the evidence of how deeply you love her. It is such a blessing to us that we had the love of our Mothers.

there are days i do get tired of crying..and feel guilty bec. of it all...no one can reverse it...but is it really just destiny?

wish there's a way fo fill in the gap someday soon.. realizing it's fine to be incomplete now.

Luisa, I think that I was able to be strong for my mother because I loved her so much, but I am having great trouble being strong for myself. I do not feel strong at all. I wish that I did.

Karyl I get tired of the pain too. Sometimes I do feel a bit hopeless. I know that nothing will ever really fill the Mom-shaped space in my heart. Today I am not having a great day, thinking about the past, worrying about the future. I don't want to forget Mom or stop thinking about her, but the more I think about her, sometimes it makes the pain worse. I want to keep her alive in my thoughts and memory. I feel terrified of getting rid of anything that belonged to her.  People say to me, and I say to myself, that the things are just things, but they seem like all I have left, besides memories, but what if the memories fade? I just want to see her again and hug her so badly. Once again, I can't believe that she's gone. 

Brett sometimes I don't feel strong either. Like today.

Today is a day where I have to remind myself that God still has me here for a reason, and that I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, if only to serve Him, and serve others for Him. I have to turn my grief over to Him and tell Him that it's too much for me, I need His help to heal. 

Brett a priest told me after my mom died, God is right beside you, and I truly believe that my faith is what has helped me. 

I keep going over that day in my head which was almost two years ago, it seems so far away.

I just keep praying for God to help me and I know he has and I am sure he is helping everyone on here.

I could use a helping hand from God right now. It has been a bad day. Not as bad as some, but still a reminder of how much I miss my Mom. I wish I could skip all the days from now to January 2018. Christmas will be especially painful. I too have never spent a Christmas without my Mom and I being together. This one coming up will be the first. );

Bluebell

I think we all have had a tough day. I had a realization today that broke my heart. There was a time, not long ago, when I had my hands full with mom and two dogs. Now my mom and little Boo Bear are gone. I promised my mom that I would take care of her little dogs. When she passed I knew I still had a job to do. I had two little munchkins who needed me. I was holding little Krissy a while ago and it hit me very hard. When she dies I will have nothing left. 

People use to tell me that I had a lot on my plate, but I never minded. I was given so much love in return. Those days are slipping away. Mom and Boo are gone and don't need me anymore. Taking care of Krissy is all that I have left.

I feel your pain Brett and I wish somehow I could take it away. But I know that is impossible. All I can do is listen, support and tell you like you have told so many of us, "You are not alone." All of us here have lost something so very precious to us that it seems cruel that we should have to go on living with so much heaviness in our hearts. But I believe there is more for us to do on this earth. It may be something as small as making someone smile who has had a bad day or as big as rescuing a helpless baby from a burning house. I guess what I am saying is that God has a plan for us that we need to fulfill. And I also believe God wants us to be at peace and truly know that he loves us and will never leave us.

That being said, I bet our Mom's, if they had a choice, would be at our sides forever. I suspect they still are. But like many great and wonderful things, we can not see them. We just need to keep the faith that they are still here with us and love us.

Bluebell

 I am trying to be positive and recover from the loss of my Mom, but despite my intentions, the last 2 weeks have become increasingly hard for me. The morning anxiety and tears are back. I also feel that the self confidence I have been actively seeking to build the past 30 years is slipping away. I have been having many doubts about myself on a daily basis and it is hard for me right now. I am asking for your prayers to help me get through this particularly hard patch.

Bluebell

Bluebell, you are in my prayers this morning, it is very difficult, I know also, but don't hold back tears, feel what you are feeling.

The more I tried not to cry the worse I would feel.

God Bless you always

You are in my prayers as well, my friend.

Thank you Theresa.

Bluebell

Thank you Brett. And you all are in my prayers.

Bluebell

Bluebell, Theresa and Brett you are all in my prayers every day !

Bluebell I can relate to feeling better and then feeling worse again. It really is true how the feelings can just come out of nowhere. Sometimes during the week when I'm busy and I'm distracted with work, I feel almost normal for a little while. But as soon as I start thinking about my Mom, or especially if I see pictures of her, the pain comes back and the anxiety of never seeing her again does too.

Even just writing those words brings it back.

Sometimes if I am feeling really stuck in huge feelings of longing and sadness, after I've cried until my head hurts and I'm exhausted, I make myself do something, usually something like going for a walk while listening to a podcast. If I don't want to go out, maybe I can get interested in a movie or tv show I've never seen before. Other times I will just start doing some housework.

Brett and Theresa I imagine that you are exhausted at this point from two years of grief. I want to let you know, I don't think that it is at all unusual to be in the acute stages of grief for a couple of years. Please don't think that there is anything wrong with you or that you "should" be better by now. We will all start feeling better in God's time.

Hugs to all <3

Luisa, you are in my prayers as well. And I wish that I could be there for you when you need a friend.

I wish that I could find a distraction. Everything just reminds me of my mom. What is really hard for me is to see a mother with her adult child. Not long ago that was me. And every day that passes is another day that I am farther removed from my mom. There is a line in "Sleepless in Seattle", where Tom Hanks son says tells him that he is having trouble remembering his mom. I remember, but I feel like she and I cannot be as attached as we were. That hurts. This is also one of the reasons why I love my little dog so much. She is something that my mom and I shared.

Theresa, you are in my heart. The timeframes of our mother's deaths are so similar, and like me, being two years removed has not lessened the pain. If anything, I miss my mom even more than I did, and it hurts that people cannot understand that. Luisa is right. There is no particular span of time that brings healing. It will happen in its own time or it may not happen at all. There is no way for me to know. I am still grieving in a big way honking way.

God Bless You all.

Hello I am new I lost my mom on Feb 24,2017 she was diagnosed with brain tumor stage 4 cancer just before one week before Christmas given 3 months to live. It all happen so fast my mind is still not sure what happened as there was no time from the day something happen she was fine the day before then all of a sudden she could not remember how to get up from the bath tub and then things just started going down hill fast everyday which I know was a blessing for her as she would not have wanted to spend her last two months in the hospital as she hated them but everyday I saw her slipping away from me. I have been trying to learn to cope with out her it is tough as it was always just me and my mom and my older brother things are so different. I have been reading a lot of post and see that the way I feel is no different them many this helps a bit its been 7 months and today still feels the same, some are good then I wake up and remember she gone. I miss her so much not sure what to do some days. The holidays are coming and I'm not sure how to even get through it just want them to not happen as I remember the day my life changed I'm trying to stay positive for my family putting on the smile just breaking inside. Sorry for rambling on haven't found a way to put all my emotions down or even let it out as when I think of things still can't get past those last two months along with the hardest day of my life holding her hand and watching her take her last breath. Not sure how to move forward

Sherri

I am so sorry for your loss. My Mom passed away Feb. 14th of this year. It is still hard for me too, so I understand what you are going through. From all that I have read, what we are all feeling is normal and that the timeline for grieving is person specific. 

Bluebell

Thanks bluebell 

Sherri I am so sad to hear your story and very sorry for your loss. You are in good company here, we are all struggling with this pain of losing our mothers. I believe that it in many cases it is the biggest loss that one experiences in their lifetime. It is certainly the biggest one I've experienced in my life so far.

I'm glad that reading the posts here help you to feel less alone. That is the reason that I visit this website too. My Mom passed August 30 2017 after a long illness. The Holidays are daunting for me too. It's strange to think about the holidays like I normally do and then think about my Mom not being here and it's just a mental blank spot. I can't imagine them without Mom. I don't want to do them without Mom. But I'm going to have to because I have a child, and it's going to be happening around me anyway. Last Christmas I was so sad, because I knew that it was our last Christmas together. It was really hard. I tried to enjoy it but I really couldn't enjoy it much. It was like a blur. Thinking about it right now hurts.

Anyway from what I understand about grief, or at least what I have been told by Hospice and so forth, is that grief just flows through you, kind of  like a river and you have to sort of just let it run its course. I think that the only thing we can do is to walk through it and eventually we heal a little and our pain is not as bad. Anyway no worries at all about the rambling I do it all the time. Hugs,

Luisa