Bluebell, it will in time...

I talked things through in my mind a lot and said to myself well I was anxious yesterday and the day before and it did not change anything, I did see my dr and took something for a few months and I am now weaning off of it, the medication helped my anxiety and my body told me enough is enough.

My mom is in my mind morning noon and night I don't think that will ever change.

But I do feel differently towards the so called friends of mine that wrote it off, I don't even talk to some of them.

Bluebell just remember God is next to you lean on him and he will guide you through this, he is always there for us.

It is true that being anxious will not help anything. There are so many things in life that we just have no control over. This is certainly one of them.

It's just so hard to stop having those feelings though. My stomach is tied in knots right now. The morning has always been the hardest time for me.

Like Theresa, I think of my mom all day. I have talked to many people who have lost their moms. Some actually tell me that a complete day will go by without them thinking about their moms. Some say that they really do not think of their moms at all until a memory is triggered.

I have to say, I want to get better, but I'm not sure that I ever want to get to the point where I don't think about my mom. I want to be able to coexist with my memories. 

Theresa, right now my mom is so incredibly fresh in my mind. I do fear that the day will come when that is no longer the case. I don't want my memories to fade away. That is one of the issues that I have with, "letting go."

For sure my mom will always be a part of us. But there may come a day when I don't remember her voice or mannerisms as clearly as I do now. There may be a day that I have to look at a picture to remember exactly what she looked like. All of those things make me sad. We cannot hold on to time.

It's a slippery slope. We all know of older people who lose their spouse and can't seem to live without them. Life becomes like a waiting room for people like that. They are just waiting to die. Believe me, I feel a lot of that myself. My mom was basically my other half. My hope for all of us is that we can still live a healthy and happy life without our moms. That is will be enough to know that we will see them again one day. I'm not there yet. I may never be. It remains to be seen.

I am not there yet either Brett.It is so hard to be without her. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, not to move away from her, but instead to live up to what I think she wanted me to be.

Bluebell

I try to do that as well, Bluebell. I always want to be a son who makes my mom proud. I wish that I could somehow know that mom is still aware of me somehow. That she knows how much I miss her and love her. I just don't know if she does. it's something I pray about each day. I ask God to tell my mom that I love her. Sometimes I say it to mom directly. I just don't know if she can hear me. And that hurts. It's hard to go from being able to tell her all of the time to not being able to see her at all. It's gut wrenching. I just don't think that I was made to be apart from my mom. We were salt and pepper.

I don't know why but today I am anxious and sad, maybe its the change of seasons, making me think about my mom more.

I guess this is how it will be for me.

I dread the holidays that are coming in this season because everything will be different. My main focus has been my Mom for some time now. I am not sure how I am going to get through this.

I do not think we will ever stop missing our Mom's Theresa. They were such an important part of our live's since we were born. 

Bluebell 

Bluebell, you are right.

Theresa, you will always miss your mom but it may get a little better as time goes by.

The holidays are so hard. Losing my mom on Christmas eve was... you can imagine. Our last Thanksgiving together was very hard, too. Mom was in the hospital. She wanted for us to still have a good Thanksgiving dinner. She ordered turkey, dressing, pumpkin pie, from a caterer. I picked up the food that morning and took it to her hospital room. One of the nurses told me that mom hadn't eaten breakfast. She wanted to save her appetite for her Thanksgiving dinner. I put a plate on her tray and all she did was push the food around with a fork. Mom loved pumpkin pie. I asked her if she would at least eat some pie. She said yes. All she did was stare at it for a minute and push it around with a fork. She could see that I was heartbroken. She promised me that she would have the nurse put the pie in the refrigerator, and that she would eat it later. I knew that she wouldn't. I left the hospital that day knowing that my mom would die soon. She was so weak already. Not eating would only make it worse.

One of the things that I feel really guilty about is not staying longer that day. I wanted to go home and cry. I did. I wished her a happy Thanksgiving, hugged and kissed her, told her I loved her, and then left.

Yes, the holidays are bad, but I don't know when times have been good. Losing mom just ripped away whatever it was that made me a happy person.

I still don't understand. I know that people have to die. I knew that mom was dying. I still can't get past it. I've come to realize that my mom was the key to my happiness and purpose. Without mom I am like a ship without a rudder.

I'm glad that mom is no longer sick, but sometimes, as I drive past that hospital, I wish that I could visit her again. Take her a newspaper, some candy, just sit with her until it was time for her to go to sleep. My mom would light up when I visited her. If she had a new nurse that I had not met yet, she would so proudly say, "This is my son."

How does a person lose that?

Brett you are so fortunate to have made your mom proud until the end.

You should have not regrets, our moms still are the key to our happiness, they made us who we are, we are a part of them always.

Each night I ask the same question, mom I know it was your time, but what happened, what made you go in cardiac arrest, I will never know the answer.

I can only assume.

But I say to her I know one day you will let me know. 

Sometimes I feel like wow I am doing better, I started to wean off my med and bam here comes the anxiety, so back on the med, even though the dr says the dose is so low how can it help, maybe its mind over matter.  

Anxiety is the worse because I start to play things over in my mind and then I say ok, so you know nothing is going to change so stop it.  

Will there ever be a day that I can just go about my life.....not yet.

Brett, Bluebell, we have wonderful memories, for that we are fortunate.

The holidays come and go and thats all I want just to get through them.

Have a good day everyone, you will all be in my prayers this morning.

Theresa, I would not even attempt to wean myself off of medication just yet. I started medication last week. It will take a while before I know if it actually helps. If it does not, I will just try another medication until I find the right fit. If it works I will stay on it for the rest of my life if I have to. No one should have to live with the kind of anxiety that we have.

I do have some wonderful memories. More than I can count. That can be kind of a double edged sword though. Right now my life revolves around memories. I need to have a present as well. When my mom died I asked myself, "Can I be happy in this world without my mom?" So far the answer has been no, but I am not going to give up. There is always a chance that I will find happiness again. I know that my mom would want that for me. 

I know this much. We have to allow ourselves to be happy. I pray that each of us will, in time, little by little.

Brett you are right I tried to wean off too early, the anxiety is back.

Ugh

I also have wonderful memories, some of going shopping some of going to the shore every year when I was a child, many more.

I wonder how long it will take to find happiness again, I know we are all different, but sometimes things are looking up and then it hits me.

I pray every day for that

I have been working so much that I am exhausted at night so I go right to sleep, I work as a buyer for an upscale jewelry store, and it gets super busy there.  It does occupy my mind for most of the day, I might feel anxious with my mind racing about my mom, but when I get to work I have no time to think about anything except work.

It could be good or not.

I hate the weekends in the winter, too much time to think.

I think it is great to have a distraction. If there is a downside to that it is that our feelings have to be dealt with. I didn't work for a pretty long time after mom died. That was a mistake. I had way too much time to think.

I guess that too much of anything can be bad. I imagine that there have been people who tried to stay so busy after the loss of a loved one that they never allowed themselves time to grieve. Grief has to be experienced. It is the only way to get better.

I imagine that one day the weekends will not be as bad for you, that little by little they will get better. I have no idea how long it will take before it starts to turn around. I am sure that it is different for everyone. I also believe that we have to allow ourselves to be happy again. That is easier said than done. We have to live in the present but my heart is in the past. 

This is why it is so important to have a support system. We need people in our lives who can show us that today is a good place to be, too. That is what I am missing. 

"This is why it is so important to have a support system. We need people in our lives who can show us that today is a good place to be, too". 

I like what you have said Brett. Right now my happy little dog brightens up my day. His happiness shines in his eyes and in the wagging of his tail when we make eye contact. He lives in the moment and finds such joy in playing with his squeaky ball or chicken. I cannot help but smile when I watch him goof around.

I think we have a lot to learn from our little fur family.

Bluebell

Bluebell, thats right they live for the moment.  I wish we could do that, my dog gives me joy, he is such a good boy, he is ten :(

I hope you are doing well, one day at a time,right.

Brett, Theresa and Bluebell, my heart goes out to you. I truly understand how hard it is. Over the years before my Mom passed I struggled with a lot of anxiety and depression, a sort of "anxious depression" that was horrendous to live with, and these were unrelated to Mom or her illness. Not long before she got sick, I had finally found the right combination of medication, exercise and spirituality to give me some calmness back. I thank God for giving me those things; without them I would not have been able to be there for Mom like I was. I certainly didn't do it perfectly but with God's help I showed up for her the best I could. 

My animals are very important to me also. I have 3 cats. I would love to have a Dog and hope to get one some day. My friends and my daughter are also my lifelines right now. 

Even with those supports in place, it is still very hard. Like you Theresa, I find weekends are the hardest, because I work during the week and that keeps my mind off things for long stretches of time. I have mixed feelings about being back at work. If feelings do rise to the surface while I'm at work, I really try and let them out if at all possible. Ive stuffed feelings in the past and had it turn out ugly. But sometimes I can't keep it in when I really need or want to, and that's where work gets tricky. Not only because I'm crying but also because I'm not thinking clearly. My work has been really understanding but I worry about making mistakes or not being able carry the load that is expected of me. 

Grief is a trip. Today I opened a small box that I've had sitting in my living room, that has things in it from Mom's night stand. My friend thought that I should bring the box home because it has some old checkbooks and things. Just seeing those things, the things that I saw frequently as I sat next to her the months before she died, instantly brings back that intense longing, like I'd do anything to see her and touch her and hug her again. I just cry and cry and tell her over and over that I miss her. I wish that I could feel her presence or know if she can hear me. I look at her things, so many things that I don't need, that I shouldn't keep, but right now I can't let go of much. I put one or two things in the donation box, but everything else was put back in the original box. So I know that I will have to do this again with this same box. Will it be easier next time? How many more times will I have to do it before I can let go of things? I feel like getting rid of her things is like discarding little pieces of who she was. I have so many more boxes in my garage and a ton of things in a storage unit. I guess I'm just not ready. 

I love the things that I have kept. I have my mom's nameplate from her desk, her wallet, her cell phone. What I don't have is my mom. And it also makes me sad, even scares me, to think that the only way I will see her again is to die. I can see why elderly people reach a point where they want to go because all of their friends and family have passed.

I'm not that old but I sure do miss my mom. That feeling is with me from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed at night. Sometimes it still hits me like a ton of bricks that my mom is actually gone. It shocks me. She's been besides me my whole life and now she is gone.

After my mom died I asked myself on simple question, "Can I be happy in this life without my mom?" I still don't know the answer to that question. For the last year and nine months the answer has been no.

I purchased a material box with a zipper and in it I put, moms handbag with everything in it just the was it was, the clothes and shoes she wore to the hospital the day she died, her coffee cup from the diner her and her friends used to meet at (the owner gave it to me), and other various items of my moms.

My mom used to say to me all my friends are dead, I'm the only one.

She was the oldest.

I am like Brett I wake up and go to bed with that same feeling, I miss her so much , she was all I had my best friend, my confidant, my mom.

Some days I think, ok today I will live in the moment and enjoy my life, but it doesn't happen that way, I just pray that one day it does.

I know the coffee cup sounds odd, but the girl that owns the small diner told me my mom would only drink out of the same ceramic cup and sit in the same seat everyday, who know what she was thinking!

I have kept the contents of my moms wallet intact. Very hard for me to look in there. I see all of her store discount cards, credit cards, random numbers that she had written down, her health insurance card that I had seen her use so many times. That wallet was such a daily part of my mom's life. Now she doesn't need any of those things.

I cherish her eye glasses. One of my jobs was to make sure that she did not lose her eye glasses. I want to be buried with those glasses as a symbol that I always did what my mom needed me to do. I want them with me all the way till the end.

As Theresa pointed out, my mom was the focal point of my life. Not because of her illness. She had always been the focal point. I wanted it that way. It is only natural to gravitate towards the people who love you the most. My mom loved me the most by a longshot. I will never know that kind of unconditional love again. Even beyond all of that, my mom was my best friend. Who wants to lose their best friend? I could go on and on about all of the things that my mom was to me. I am reminded everyday of what I have lost. I run into situations each day where I need my mom, or simply want to tell her something, or share something with her.

Medication has helped but there is not a pill in the world that can replace my mom. The medication (maybe) makes it a little more bearable, but my mom is not coming back. Either I will find a way to be happy without her, or I will live the rest of my life feeling like a little boy who has lost his mother. 

Brett I feel your pain.   Sometimes I dream that my mom is still alive and I'm so happy that she is just to wake up and find out it wasn't real.   Its been getting better or should I say more bearable. The first month I cried myself to sleep every night and every morning. Now I'm able to get through the day without thinking about her but once I hear a song that reminds me about her or see a popular spot of hers, the grief  hits me all too well again and before I know it, I'm sobbing in my car.   I never realized how much I relied on her for comfort and just that safety net.  Now I know all the things I was able to do was because she was on my side cheering me on.  I just wish I knew that earlier.   There's a lot I regret, feel like I wasn't the best daughter. Could've shown how much she meant to me better.

I haven't been able to throw out anything of hers, even a silly little piece of paper taped onto my wall that keeps track of all her appointments she needed annually.  Just cant bring myself to throw it away.  

Crystal, I can relate to everything that you wrote. A few weeks ago I was looking for a notepad. I found one. I opened it and remembered that my mom used to use that pad to leave me notes like, "Gone to the store. Be back soon." That killed me. There was once a time that she would "be back soon." That time has passed. Never again.

I also realized after mom died how she was the key to just about very piece of happiness and security that I had. I kind of had an idea when she was alive, but until they take that final breath, we just can't know.

My brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, would call  to check in on her. They don't call anymore. She was my tie to my family. I still live in her home. She still provides me with a roof to sleep under. My mom provided me with tremendous security. She was my sounding board. She was my best friend. She was my mom.

Like you, I wish that I could have more time with her just so I could tell her how thankful I am for everything that she did for me. I wish I could apologize and take back everything that I ever did wrong to her. I can't.

Crystal, it is very important that you realize that my story is not typical. Most people get past the death of their mom's a lot faster than I have. I don't want you to think that you will heal as slowly as I have. I don't even know that I have begun to heal.

Basically I'm saying, don't go by me. There is one thing that we have in common though. We have both lost our moms. Believe me. I feel your pain.

Its been three months now since my mom died. I'm slowly getting used to life without her, although its a much sadder, darker life.   Just wanted to share something with everyone going through this.. In the first few weeks after my mom's death, I felt guilty for not saving her or doing enough... Now I feel guilty about anything.  If I take her sisters out or if I smile, or laugh, or plan a trip. Basically I feel guilty for anything that brings me  joy because my mom isn't here to share it with me.  To understand where this is coming from, let me explain our relationship.  My mom sacrificed a lot for her children. We weren't rich, we struggled financially at times, so I worked very hard to take us away from that situation and give me mom a more comfortable life. That was my mission.  I got a good paying job recently, and now I'm able to afford things, take my family out, spoil myself- and I hate that my mom isn't here to enjoy it. It's gotten to the point where I avoid her  second husband and her sisters (my aunties) because when we're together, I just think about my mom and how she died before her time and why everyone else deserves to be here and she isn't.  It seems irrational as I'm writing this but I guess I'm just mad at the world! That my mom had sacrificed so much, I sacrificed so much, just to have my mom die before I'm even 30! 

I feel as if I'm not allowed to be happy because I didn't do my best to make her happy her last 3 years or I wasn't the best daughter.

I just wish someone told me this was how I would feel cause I would've done so many things differently!

Crystal, I wish that I knew you personally so that I could walk with you through this. I continue to be angry at odd things, like my mom was the first of her sisters to die. Her sister's kids still have their moms. That might be very selfish but it is how I feel. I avoided a lot of people after mom died. I didn't avoid the immediate family but some who had always asked me how mom was doing, and now might not know that she had passed.

When I think about having joy without my mom I get sick to my stomach. Not because I don't want to be happy but because it seems like fool's gold. I know that I can laugh and then cry five minutes later. I cannot imagine joy in my life without mom.

My mom struggled mightily to provide for four children without the help of our dad. I wish that she could have enjoyed her retirement to the fullest. Your mom may no have been able to enjoy the fruits of your labor but she got to see how hard of a worker that you are. I bet you that she was and is prouder of you than you know.

You weren't the best daughter? Well, who is? Mom's love us anyway.

Lastly, even if someone had told us, we still would have screwed up from time to time. There is no way to know what we know now without having experienced that loss. Words alone cannot teach that lesson.

You're not alone. I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry for mine, too. I so much wish that I could do it over again but I hold my mom in my heart. That was our last goodbye. We will be with them again. I wouldn't tell you that if I did not believe it. 

God, I miss my mother. I have a picture of her saved as the wallpaper on my phone because I have a need to see her face everyday.

You're absolutely right Theresa. I don't think we can lose someone so dear to us and come out unscathed.  I was just saying yesterday how when my mom died, she took my heart with her. All that's left is this pain where my heart used to be.

You guys are preaching to the choir. 

I know the emptiness I felt in the first few months after Mom's death was so overwhelming that I wish I could have just ceased to be. But it is getting easier to get through my day. I am grateful and I think it is okay to feel better. But I will never truly move on. I will always miss her.

Bluebell

Hi everyone, Bluebell I am glad that it is getting easier to get through the day, but you are right we will never truly move on.

For some reason today was a bad one for me, my mom was on my mind alot.  I guess because I used to go there every Sunday, then I thought about all the stuff we used to go and the places we went and had fun.

I know I will miss her the rest of my life, I hope that she knows that I tell her everynight that I love her.

Some days are just more difficult than others, but I just keep going.

I lost one of mom's little dogs last night (Boo Bear). Around 3:00 am she apparently had a seizure. Poor thing was convulsing so badly. I tried to hold her and comfort her but she was in too much pain. She just wanted to walk around the house. She was bumping her head into everything. It was pitiful. When I thought the seizure was over, I put her back in her kennel. She started panting really badly and convulsing again. Her little legs were moving like she was trying to run. I got her back out of the kennel and loved on her a little longer. Sometimes she seemed aware of me and sometimes she did not. I fell asleep. She died.

I wasn't there for her when she took her last breath and that will always haunt me. She was such a wonderful little dog. She was a daddy's girl and always wanted me to pet her. She would constantly bump her little wet nose on my legs until I would reach down and rub her. If I stopped rubbing her she would do it again.

Maybe most of all, my two little girls are/were such a huge part of my mom. They kept me going through mom's illness. They have been my best friends since her death. It's amazing. Just last night before she became sick I was holding her in my lap, thinking about how the day would come before I would lose them. They are both getting old, and they are all that I have left of my mom. Now I am down to one.

My mom never knew when she got these little girls what a blessing they would be to me. It's almost like mom could love me through them even after she was gone. I loved my little boo Bear.

This weekend was harder than most. My mom's medical records from when she was hospitalized came in. And all the feelings of guilt and regret came flashing back.   Turns out the silent heart attack she had days before she went to the ER was likely caused by her untreated foot infection.  It contaminated the blood which sent her body to shock and caused her already weak heart to have an attack.   It all started from that infection. The infection I didn't immediately take her to the hospital for. The infection she had for a month while I was having a good time in new Zealand.   Her heart was already in bad shape due to dialysis but I wonder if she would still be here if I had taken her to the hospital before I left on my trip.  My mom is a second language English speaker, so I accompanied her on most of her doctor visits. I'm mad at her for not getting it checked out sooner or telling me how bad the cut got.  But I'm more mad at myself for not realizing it. For not realizing her old patterns of waiting out health problems until it gets very bad. For not listening to my instincts. Mad at her sisters for not realizing this while I was away. Mad at the doctors for not catching her heart problem sooner. Mad at the world for how this happened.  For my 25 years of life, I have been at my mom's bedside, and the day she gets ill, I'm not with her.  I thought I was pass all this anger but I guess it was just locked away for the meantime.  I want to get pass it, but there is also a small voice that says 'you deserve to live with this because of what I've done.   Life is so funny and cruel sometimes.  How do we even move on from something like this? How do I go back to enjoying life when this will always be in the back of my head??

Brett, I am so sorry, I know how horrible losing a pet can be, especially one as special as yours was to you.

You and I both know your mom was right there waiting for her, calling her name.

She is at peace, but I know it hurts.

I am very sorry for your loss, I'm sure she was at the rainbow bridge looking for your mom.....

Luisa, the first year after my mom died I walked around in a haze a fog, it was awful

I used to practice yoga five days a week and I recently just quit after ten years, I just have no interest

I am not nice I tell people like it is even if it is not nice

I keep saying ok come on keep going

Crystal, please, my mom didn't feel well for two days prior to going in cardiac arrest, I was at work, did I go up to see her NO, her doctor, told her to go home and take a laxative, really?  I thought nothing of what was occurring, because she acted normal, went out here and there met her friends, now when I look back I am like OMG, the things I should have been on top of and was not, I hate her dr, saying she went in cardiac arrest because of her BP, come on NO, I have to live with this thinking of things I should have done but didn't.

Crystal and thinking of why did he not send her to the hospital when he saw her in the office on Friday, I guess she had us all fooled. My mom can come off as "I'm fine" and go about her business

He should have sent her right to the hospital, come on a 92 year old, just because she didn't look to act her age, some times I feel like calling his office making an appointment to see him because he doesn't know me and reading him the riot act!!!!!

Brett,

I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved dog Boo Bear. That has got to be hurting you to your core. How are you doing? I mourned all of my pet's when they have pass away. But because this was your Mom's pup, it seems like it would be especially hard. My heart goes out to you. 

Bluebell 

Not well. Losing little Boo was hard enough because I loved her so much, but it also opened up a floodgate of memories. We can't go back. Not even for a day. What I wouldn't give to snuggle with that little bundle of fur right now. I can't. Just like mom. I can't.

Brett,

I can relate to your post a lot. I lost my Mom Feb. 2016 and in June that same year my cat of eight years died. Always before when someone would talk about the pain of losing their pet, I couldn't fully understand that until it happened to me and so soon after my Mom's death. It brought up a lot of feelings that were really hard to deal with. I felt like death was all around me and what was the purpose of living only to die. I don't feel that way now but those feelings were really strong then. I did get another a few months later and while he doesn't take the place of the one I lost, I have feel in love with him just as much and I think I actually appreciate him and all his cuddles even more. 

Thanks, Lisa. I also feel like death is all around me. Boo's sister is still alive but every time I look at her I feel like she is going to leave me, too.

It's hard. I have never had a little dog rely on me the way that Boo did. She was always close enough to me to bump her little wet nose against me when she needed me. What I wouldn't give to feel that again. 

I'll be honest with you Luisa. As tough as my mom's funeral and arrangements were, I realized later that I was still in a state of shock when they occurred. I cannot remember very much about those days.

You are right about losing Boo. This is the first time I have ever lost a pet without my mom being here to grieve with me and comfort me. And losing Boo was a very bad trigger. These were my mom's dogs. They were beside me throughout my mom illness and they were my best friends. I couldn't have asked for better buddies, and they have been such an incredible blessing since mom's passing. Plus, I loved Boo with all of my heart. I have never had an animal rely on me like she did. And now I look at her sister and I am just scared to death that she will be gone tomorrow. And Boo's death was so hard. If she had to pass, I wish it could have been quickly. She suffered. She was confused and scared. I will remember that for the rest of my life. All I want is to put her up on my lap and just hug her. It can't be. I can only hope and pray that I will see her and my mom again, in a place where no one ever dies and you never have to say goodbye.

That will always be my hope for me, for you, for all of us.

I can't imagine losing one of my Mom's pets, Brett this must be devastating to you. My Mom has two cats, they went up to Washington to live with her sister because I could not take them. It was really hard when they left. It was especially hard on my daughter because they were her playmates when we were at my Mom's, which was a lot.

Today I am feeling devastated myself. I feel the huge emptiness in my heart. Preparing for the memorial I've been looking at photos, hearing music that reminds me of her. But the worst part is...it's been over 6 weeks since I've seen her or talked to her, and I just have this feeling of panic, like I need to see her. When I was little I had a lot of separation anxiety when I was away from my Mom. It feels like that again. I just cry and cry, telling my Mom out loud that I miss her, I need her, I wasn't ready. I just can't imagine what life is going to be like without her. I don't know what I will do, who I will turn to. She loved me more than anyone ever has, probably more than anyone ever will. I don't want to be stuck in these feelings but sometimes, like today, I feel like the grief is consuming me. I have a daughter to take care of and I have to work and take care of my life. But this grief is just huge. 

Luisa, the best advice I can give you is to be the best caretaker that you can be. Remember, your daughter loves you the same way that you loved your mom at that age. God has given you a tremendous blessing to love on and take care of. There is your happiness. There is your reason to get up each morning. That truly is the circle of life.

Being without little Boo Bear is devastating. That little dog, no matter what life threw at her... she was blind, had diabetes, but she was always happy as long as she was with her daddy. As long as I would give her a scratch and a cuddle she was good to go. I miss that little wet nose and holding her little face next to mine. I just miss her. I just love her and I can't believe that she is gone. It's only been a couple of days since I could pet her and call her my little Boo Bear. It doesn't seem real and it sure doesn't seem fair.