Nancy, grieving is hard work because at some point you have to pick yourself up.  So your emotions go up and down.  Thankfully between my daughter and work, I'm busy.  That helps otherwise I would be a mess.  The finality of it all is what sends me in to non-stop tears.  I understand everyone's pain.

It will soon be four years since I lost my mom and today the grief is worse than ever ... I wonder will it ever go away ... and do I even want it to go? I don't mind the constant sadness, but it often becomes so overwhelming in it's reminder of loss, that it's often still very hard just to function. Maybe I'm afraid if I let go of the grief I will forget her? At the same time, I have no control over this kind of grief. It just stays on its own accord and I cannot say it's unwelcome -- just difficult.

Today I was laying in bed thinking why can't I just have a dream of my mom saying Happy Birthday, but nothing.

This will be my second Birthday without her, I have saved some cards and I read them and then cry.

:(

Paula, I think about something similar with my daughter, that if I don't constantly talk about my mom, I'm afraid she will forget her.

Theresa, all the special days are much harder because these are the times you would hear from your mom and do something.

People have said that it gets easier.  I don't know if that is the case for everyone, some people have a true longing for their missed loved one that never goes away and with some it becomes harder to deal with the loss.

I have a voicemail from my mom and she tells me she loves me on it.  I would listen to it everyday because I was afraid that I would forget her voice but I torment myself listening because it upsets me she is gone.

I think everyone's path for grieving may have some similarities but can also be very different.

It's been one year that my mom has been gone on April 5th and I still find myself going to call my sister and ask her where mom is and than instantly I remember.

Thinking of you all as we share a profound loss, our Mother.

I am sad right now. I miss my Mom. I miss my life the way it used to be when she was around. I also do not like having to go through these intense feelings of loss. 

This morning I was thinking, I wish I felt like somebody loved me as much as I loved my Mom. 

Blue

I lost my mom a little over a month ago. My whole world feels like it has been turned upside down. My heart aches so much. It is all consuming

So sorry for your loss Stephanie

I am sorry for your loss Stephanie. I too lost my Mom last month on Valentines Day. I share the same feelings as you. The intensity of your grief will diminish over time. But the love you have for your Mother will always be there.

Take care of yourself. Get up in the morning and find something that brings you happiness. It can be something small, like looking at a beautiful flower.

Blue

Bluebell I try everyday, but I just feel like crying maybe too much.

Its been one year and three months, its so hard without her to call or to go to her house.

I pray everyday things get better.

Nancy, I am also happy my mom is with our Lord, but its so hard for me because my mom was not ill.

But as we all know our time is when he decides, but I miss her so every minute of the day.

I remember 17 years ago when my dad died, he was very sick and when he passed I was at peace because he was not in pain any longer.

I just can't seem to move past my moms death, I have faith and pray everyday, but the sadness is overwhelming.

My anxiety is over the edge, I am doing everything to talk myself out of it, but since I am a high strung person anyway with generalized anxiety disorder this has been tough.

Anxiety is tough Theresa.  I also battle with it. I never told my Mom about it though, and I am grateful I did not. Otherwise I would want to go to her for comforting and advise.

It was a tearful day for me on Thursday. Relatives came from out of town to Mom's home. My sister and I wanted them to have things of Mom's that "spoke" to them. One found a few pieces of costume jewelry she wanted and the other, her collection of turtle figures. Though I am happy these items are with them instead of being sold at an estate sale, it was sad. It brought to the forefront of my mind the finality of it all.

What did make me happy was that one took cuttings from her Jacob's Tears tree and the other cutting from her succulents. Symbolically, it is as if a part of her will still be alive and growing.

I  miss my Mom every day, and I am not done shedding a sea of tears over her loss. Sometimes I wonder how I am going to go on without her. But I know she would what me to be happy in this life, so I am trying. But if I can't be happy or at least content, I know she would understand and forgive me.

Bluebell I feel your pain, I too feel the same way even though it has been just over a year.

I also wonder how am I going to go on without her, I just keep going sometimes I don't know how, but I try.

I have found that besides anxiety that is just horrible, I flip out on people, I have become an angry person, I have to stop it, my mom was so compassionate and kind and loving.

I don't ever see me getting to that point.

Everytime my anxiety creeps up I try to say what will be will be, I actually tremble sometimes and I wish it would just stop.

Went to dr several times and he tried to put me on an SSRI, I'm trying to do without it, I am struggling though.

Yesterday was the day my mom passed away a year ago.  I can't say anniversary because that makes it seem like a joyous occasion.  Leading up to this day for a few weeks, I had not been myself.  Can't sleep, quiet and a really deep sadness, I wake up in the middle of the night reliving what her death was like and scared about my own. Crying at work.  I guess it doesnt help when I look at her pictures but I feel if i don't that I am not being a good daughter by  not thinking of her.  In other words, this is my torture for loving and having a good mother.  Some people do not have that and therefor suffer the effects while the person is a alive.  I find my mind wandering to things like why not this person, why did she die like that.  At times when it gets too much I start to have panic attacks.  My dr. prescribed meds for this as I would lose my breath.  I miss her like no one I have ever missed before, even my dad.  Sometimes it feels like it was just last week and other times it feels like forever.  Now I know how she felt/struggled with when my grandmother died.

I don't think we get over this but does that longing feeling of wanting to talk to your mom or missing her presence ever go away?

Tanya, I feel the same

I miss her every single day

I am just going through the days......its hard

It has been one year and almost 4 months for me, my mom died unexpectedly, cardiac arrest, I did not get there to the hospital in time, I walked in five minutes after.....I will live with that forever

Theresa.

From what you have said about your Mom, I know she would not be disappointed that you were not there when she died. You, nor she, knew the urgency of her condition. 

If I could speak for your Mother, I would say, " There is nothing to forgive. It was not your fault". 

Hugs,

Bluebell

My gosh Bluebell, you made my day

God Bless :)

Theresa,

And you just made mine.

Hugs,

Bluebell

Bluebell, just wanted to know how you are coming along, weekends are tough for me.

Also everyone else....

Theresa,

I have times when I feel like I can not bear not having my Mom in my life. But when that happens, I try to remind myself that she would not want me to be unhappy. It seems to help a little.

Bluebell

Bad night. I feel so all alone

Bluebell

Bluebell, you are not alone we are here and we all are or have gone through the same exact feelings you are

It is very difficult, I just pray everyday please give me strength.

How are you all doing? Yesterday was bad for me and again this morning. The acute sense of loss was triggered when I received a disabled placard for Mom in the mail. It needs to send it back plus her picture ID card. I know it is dramatic, but I feels like all traces of her are being wiped away. It really hurts. 

Bluebell

I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I can relate to it so much. Holidays are hard. Though I am looking forward to celebrating my sister's birthday with her on Easter, it is also a reminder that our mother is no longer here. We both miss her.

Bluebell

Bluebell

They will be right there with us, I have to believe that

God Bless

Bluebell, is your father alive or someone close to you?  If so, you have that support to cling to.  Otherwise, pray to God.  Anything that reminds me of my mom, I shut it down, suppressing many things which may help for a moment.  Hope this helps.

I feel the same yesterday was tough, I went to the cemetery with flowers.

I felt like doing nothing.

I tell her I hope she knows how much I miss her everyday..

Just wanted to see how everyone is doing, no one has posted

Theresa. Thank you for caring. Today is okay, but yesterday was not. I went to an Estate sale with my sister and a couple of her friends. I had to leave and go sit in the car. I felt so sad thinking that this is what is going to happen to Mom's things. I also thought of the time and care that she put into buying those things and how much pleasure they gave her. Since I no longer have her, the closest I can get is her belongings. I do not know how I am going to let them go. But at the same time, I do not have the room to keep it all. And even if I did, that is not what I want. What I really want is her to still be here. And I can not have that. The sense of loss is intense right now. But I will get through this. I just do not know when. I also know I will always miss her. We bonded at my birth and it is a bond that will be forever.

Bluebell

Tanya and Bluebell, I am hanging in there it has been one year and four months, it is really really hard.

Tanya I am sorry about your bf's dad.

I have to be honest, I had to get something from my dr to calm my anxiety.  It has helped with that.

I continually keep going over how to live my life without my mom, maybe I don't keep busy enough, but today is my first day off from work and I'm so tired. 

We used to go to my moms every Sunday, sometimes I am like mom I hope you know what is going on here.....

It seems surreal sometimes.

Nancy, yes I do go to a bereavement class at our church once a month.

Yes I do agree being around others does help

Theresa

I think it was an excellent idea to get a medication that will make you more comfortable. Anxiety is tough to deal with. I am glad it is already helping you.

Take care,

Bluebell

Bluebell, thank you so much, I had to do the same thing 17 years ago when my dad died.

I hope you are hanging in there, it takes time.  Like I said before the first year after my mom passed, I was in a haze, I just couldn't see through the fog.

This year I am sorry to say it hit me harder, but I talking myself through it.

I just keep saying, I know mom when it is my time to come home you will be right there waiting for me....

Theresa

I am hanging in there. The last couple of days have been tearful. I am so grateful I have this group to talk with and my sister to cry with. One of the hardest things for me to deal with is feeling so alone.

It was 2 months April 14th since my Mom passed. I dread my birthday that is coming up soon. Then there will be Mother's day and Mom's birthday June 19th. These are days to be celebrated. But as I said, all I feel is dread.

Bluebell

Nancy yes I do and I am glad that I found this site, because I know that I am not alone.

Bluebell, Nancy is right it will be a tough few months, sometimes when I am driving, I say mom I miss you so much

Rhonda glad to see you are back, ,may I ask about your mom?

My best friends parrot died yesterday and it is hitting me very hard. I am not dealing with it well right now. Lots of tears and sadness. Will this never stop? I do not think it is all about the parrot. It is tied in with my Mom's death somehow. I am supporting my friend though this the best that I can. but my own issues keep creeping in. Does that make me a selfish person? I do not want to be.

Bluebell

No Bluebell, any death is difficult for all of us right now.

Sometimes though I feel numb towards others that have lost a loved one

I have people come in to my place of employment all the time (jewelry store) that have lost parents and they seem so unfazed it just amazes me.  I'm like hello your mom just died and all  you care about is what is real and what is not in her jewelry collection.

Someone at work today told me I am always in a mood, I was thinking to myself please give me a break, he lost his dad three years ago, he was adopted and he just carries on....

I talk to my mom all the time and ask her please help me.

Maybe I'm selfish, but right now I don't care.   :)!