I miss my Mom!

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If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Theresa

He lost his 28 year old daughter to pancreatitis, age means no difference when you lose a loved one.

Feb 28, 2017
BLUEBELL

Yes. She got ill with CHF and pneumonia. After a week at the hospital, it was time time bring her home on Hospice. We had her there for almost 2 days before she died. Her family was with her. I held her hand as she died and told her it was okay to go , that we would miss her, but we would be okay. I am a Hospice RN. You would think I would be doing better with her loss, but I am not. Death is different when it is a family member, especially when it is a mother/daughter relationship I think. I was not as intense as this when my Dad died of cancer in 1981

Bluebell

Feb 28, 2017
Theresa

Same for me Bluebell.....not as intense when my dad died 17 years ago.

Feb 28, 2017
BLUEBELL

If things do not go as I expect them to, I find myself losing my temper so easily. I can't seem to help myself. I hope this gets better. I do not want to make enemies nor do I want to be seen as some kind of koo koo maniac.

Bluebell

Feb 28, 2017
Theresa

I have become a very angry person since my mom died

So you are not alone

Feb 28, 2017
BLUEBELL

How long ago did your Mother die Theresa? You may have already told me, but my memory has been horrible since Mom's illness, then death.

Bluebell

Feb 28, 2017
Heather

Hi everyone,
I feel the same as what Theresa has mentioned-feelings of anger. It's almost as if I can't seem to tolerate people's BS anymore... literally fed up. It is so exhausting feeling so mad and bitter all the time...

Feb 28, 2017
BLUEBELL

I agree Heather, it is exhausting to be angry. I have taken Yoga for 1 1/2 years. It has always brought me peace afterwards for a while. I do not feel up to going to a group Yoga session. So my instructor is coming to the house. I will let you know if it helps.

Bluebell

Feb 28, 2017
Heather

Hi Bluebell,
That is a great idea and it is amazing that the instructor can come to your house. Didn't even think that that was possible...I hope it helps and I would like to hear if it is working for you...

Feb 28, 2017
Jane

Theresa, I would love to hear your Mom's story. I think there is healing in telling the story sometimes :(

I am undoubtedly angry...

Feb 28, 2017
Heather

Hi Theresa,

Yeah, I find myself muttering under my breath (when I'm at home of course) about the people I've encountered during the day and how they have acted... let's just say it is not very kind words:-p...my mom was the same as your mine but if you were rude she would call you on it and not take any bs from anyone (she was barely 5 ft but so strong!). I wish I had the guts to call people on their crap but I'm too much of a mouse to do that. Always too worried about appearing mean or rude. I have to get better at being assertive and setting healthier boundaries...something I've had a hard time for most of my life doing:-(....

Feb 28, 2017
BLUEBELL

I will let you know Heather if it helps

Healing...what a wonderful hapening that will be. I pray we all heal and find joy again in our lives. I know that is easy of me to say, but I also know it is a painful process and takes time. It will happen for all of us. Healing will not look the same for any one person. We will forever be changed.

Feb 28, 2017
Heather

Well said, Bluebell... I wish healing for you (and everyone who is grieving) in the time and space that feels right for you...

Feb 28, 2017
Leila

Hi. I've been away for a couple of days. I was attacked by my neighbors Pit Bull on my own front porch. I am still shaken up. The police returned the animal to the neighbors with a warning to repair their fence. The neighbor came over and instead of apologizing they threatened to beat me up if I ever called the police about their dog again. I want my mom so much. I just want to cry and cry.

Feb 28, 2017
Leila

Bluebell,
Your mom was absolutely blessed to have had you as a caregiver. Your job is a true calling. I am a Critical Care RN (no longer working). I have been with many patients/families at the time of death, but nothing prepared me for losing my mom. I was obsessed with my mom receiving perfect care during her last weeks. I cry every time I think about this, but I feel like I wasted time trying to sanitize her room, protect her from infection, obsess over her skin care, turning q2h etc... I should have spent every one of those precious moments interacting with her. I have so many regrets over this and am ashamed of myself.

Theresa,
How incredibly insensitive this man at your grief support group was to say this to you. I totally agree with you, by the way. The age of your lovely one makes no difference at all. My mom was 86. Of she had been 115 it would have been just as devastating.

Feb 28, 2017
Heather

Oh Nancy! How awful! I hope you didn't get hurt too badly:-(... it is terrible that your neighbor cares more about their dog than the person that their dog hurt! But dogs are a product of their environment and who owns them. Anyone else witness the threat that they made to you? Thinking if you, sending hugs...

Feb 28, 2017
Theresa

Nancy, it is sad look how angry the owner of that dog is, no wonder why the dog acted out. I was bitten by my neighbors dog three weeks ago, and the neighbor yelled at me of course

Bluebell I have practiced Hatha yoga for several years, the studio is heated to about 110 degrees, it has helped me a great deal.

God Bless everyone today is Ash Wednesday.

Mar 1, 2017
Jeff R

Nancy, not sure what state you live in, but when a dog bites someone it is usually quarantined immediately....not just returned to the owners. And, you should report your neighbor's threat to the police, so it is on record...file a complaint. People like that should not own dogs.

Mar 1, 2017
Jeff R

Feb 12 was 4 years since my mom passed in 2013. How did that time go oh so quickly? Mom had been sick and declining over the last 5 years, but you always think you HAVE MORE TIME. it's almost always unexpected, even if you have been steeling yourself for it. Sudden or unexpected deaths are worse....I had that w/my Dad when I was very young. Still, you retain that emptiness no matter what the circumstances.

Mar 1, 2017
Jeff R

Then at the end of 2013, I had to take charge of my elderly aunt (Mom's older sister) who took a bad fall resulting in the acceleration of her dementia. I think that took up all of my mental focus until she passed in late 2015. Now, free of all eldercare "burdens", i wistfully think of better times when they were healthy and active and part of my life. But, the world does move on, no matter what.

Mar 1, 2017
BLUEBELL

Nancy, You took wonderful care of your Mom. Each time you did these things for her, you did it out of love. She was blessed to have a licensed nurse for a daughter as was my Mom. They both had better and longer lives because of us.

Bluebell

Mar 1, 2017
John Doe

Its been almost 3 years and the nightmare just doesnt end.

Someone saw Buffy Season 6? Thats how I feel. Like I'm already dead.

Mar 1, 2017
Leila

Olive, Bluebell, and Theresa,
Thank you so much for your kind words and reassurance. Guilt is such a difficult thing to let go of, and it seems I can find so many things to feel guilty about when it comes to my mom's illness and last weeks of her life. I'm not sure why, because she was the most loving person on the planet and would never want me to feel that way.

Jeff, I know what you mean about always thinking you have more time. I always thought there was more time with my mom, which I guess was just wishful thinking or me being in denial. In truth, you never actually know when will be the last time you hear a loved ones dear voice or see them alive and well. The last time I heard my mother speak was the day they transported her from the hospital to the hospice center. I never dreamed she wouldn't open her eyes or speak again after they started hospice care. We really didn't leave much unsaid. We always expressed our love for each other, but If I'd only known that would be the last time I could say some of things I still wanted to say to her! I cry just thinking about it.

Mar 2, 2017
Leila

The dog attack saga continues because it attacked another neighbor the day after it attacked me, and they STILL gave the animal back to these people. They violate every HOA covenant and get away with it somehow. I went before the judge yesterday to press charges. He said there was enough evidence to arrest her but suggested I reconsider. He advised me that he could only hold her in jail 30 days, after which she would probably retaliate and he wouldn't be able to stop it. He advised me to just keep my head down and avoid her, which I've been doing for years. What in the world is going on with this house and homeowner?!? We've been in our home since 1986. The current neighbors moved in about 10 years ago and proceeded to destroy the property. We will probably move. I have contacted a real estate agent. I hate being chased out of the home we raised our children in and that I spent so much time with my mom in. My mom gave the best advice, and I really need that right now. My husband is staying at our Charleston house because of work, but I'm heading to our vacation home in the mountains for a while. I feel much safer there. Sorry, I won't post about this again. I realize it's not the forum for it.

Mar 2, 2017
BLUEBELL

Nancy- I hope you find the peace and feeling of safety at your mountain home. Nature has always been healing for me and I hope to you also.

John Doe-I am sorry you are suffering.

Jeff-Yes. Life does go on and as it does, I hope to gain more strength work on making something more of mine.

Bluebell

Bluebell

Mar 3, 2017
Theresa

Nancy it is traumatizing when you are bit by a dog, I am a dog owner myself and I walk with mace, even though I was bitten three weeks ago, I had to get a tetanus shot.

John Doe - so very sorry

Well the weekend is upon us and I struggle through each one, today was hard, sometimes they just are.

Mar 3, 2017
Theresa

Why is it that I feel like I want time to go by fast.

When I look at photos of my mom on my phone I think gosh I have not seen her in such a long time.

She was such a great mother, so kind compassionate, caring and selfless. Never wanted anything.

Mar 3, 2017
BLUEBELL

Theresa

Perhaps you are just waiting till the time when you will be with your mother again? This is just a thought that came to my mind. Correct me if I am wrong.

Bluebell

Mar 3, 2017
Theresa

Yes, but she once told me when we went to the cemetery to see her mom and relatives, "you have to live your life I lived mine"

I want time to go fast because I feel like I want it behind me......I don't know

Mar 3, 2017
BLUEBELL

Theresa

My prayer for you is that you will find joy in the life you have here.

Bluebell

Mar 3, 2017
Leila

My prayers are with you, Theresa. I hope the weekend is not too difficult for you. I think our moms would have been friends if they knew each other. They sound so much alike. We were so blessed to be their daughters.

Mar 3, 2017
Theresa

Thank you Nancy and Bluebell

I am taking it one day at a time.

I guess we all are.

Mar 4, 2017
BLUEBELL

I am reaching out this morning because I feel so all alone

Bluebell

Mar 4, 2017
BLUEBELL

That was the theme of my dreams this morning

Bluebell

Mar 4, 2017
Theresa

Bluebell you are not alone. God is right beside you. The only thing that's kept me going is my faith I'm going to try to keep busy today I'll check in later with you

Mar 4, 2017
BLUEBELL

I know God is here, but I do not feel him. I want to be surrounded by goodness, warmth and light, even if it is just for 1 second. Then I could always remember that 1 second of time and know that he is truly always here.

Bluebell

Bluebell

Mar 4, 2017
Theresa

I understand Bluebell
I pray every night that I dream of my mom just once. Nothing yet

Mar 4, 2017
BLUEBELL

I am so tired of this grieving and the tears that certain things trigger. I guess it is still to fresh of a loss to expect anything else.

Theresa~I have been blessed with a dream of my Mom. She was sitting on her bed and she looked young and happy. I hope the same for you soon.

Bluebell

Mar 4, 2017
Theresa

I know it's been one year and almost three months and I still find some days are very sad. There is not a moment in my day that I don't think of my mom
I miss her so

Mar 4, 2017
BLUEBELL

It was Valentines Day of last month for me.

Bluebell

Mar 4, 2017
Theresa

I'm sorry, the last year was a blur for me, sometimes I still can't believe she is not here.

I feel so lonely without her

Mar 4, 2017
BLUEBELL

It is so tough to get used to her not being here anymore. I feel so all alone today. I want her back! I want things to be the way they were!

Bluebell

Mar 4, 2017
Theresa

I know, me too.

Mar 4, 2017
Ann

I haven't been here in a while and had joined another discussion after my dad died April 11 of last year. My mom died April 19, 2014 and I think about her almost every day. I think about my dad a lot, too. I'm dreading next month. It's also more clear than ever that my 17 year marriage is over. There were many things but the final decision break in my heart was when my mother was dying that April, and my husband said he was sorry that she'd go to hell since she was Jewish (he's an alleged Christian).

Mar 4, 2017
Ann

It's so cold to think of my mom and dad gone...a cold and dark place for me.

Mar 4, 2017
BLUEBELL

I am so sorry

Bluebell

Mar 4, 2017
Theresa

Sorry Ann, and he is not a Christian....

My dad died 17 years ago and then mom Dec 2015

She was all I had, my friend, mom, and my strength.

This part of my life is very difficult, all my friends don't even talk about it anymore with me.

I just keep saying today will be the same as yesterday and the day before, no different.

Mar 5, 2017
Ann

Theresa, I'm sorry. Have you talked to a therapist about your grief? I did and it helped. Sending you a big cyber hug.

Mar 5, 2017
Theresa

Ann I go to a bereavement class at the church.

No therapist.

Mar 5, 2017
Leila

Sending hugs to everyone here as we grieve the loss of our dear mothers, and especially Theresa, Bluebell, and Ann. I am very much in the same place as y'all. My thoughts and special prayers are with you.

Mar 5, 2017