im having a hard time right now....im in deep loss over my mom, she has been gone about 6 years, but her memory is strong with me, she was a special lady, meant the world to me, i just want to say i love you mom, and im ok :)  thank your for all the blessings you bestowed upon me all of my life, you are in my heart

this site brings me such joy to be able to get out the feelings i have about my mom, its good to be able to share with others these memories it really helps me, its a great outlet

I feel the same way Rachel, I should be thanking my mom for all the blessings she gave me my entire life, I miss her so much.

I get up every morning and say to myself today is another day and nothing is going to change so keep going.

Thank you Nancy, the world is a different place without her especially my world.

It is so hard for me because my mom was not suffering God took her unexpectedly.  This is so difficult for me but as time goes on I too realize she is happy and any of her aches and pains are now gone.

I do thank the Lord everyday for not letting me have to watch my mom suffer.....he spared me

October the 8th was the first anniversary of my mom's death.  It was a very sad day for me. On her anniversary I cried, looked at her pictures and kissed them, and told her that I miss her and that I love her so much.  I had something like a movie going on in my head, seeing her doing all things she loved to do with me like going to the restaurant, to the doctor, beauty salon, etc.  I think about her every single day of my life.  I told her that I send her kisses and hugs every day with God.  My life is different without her.  I miss and and love her very much.  I know she is with God and that she is happy and that she still takes care of my from Heaven.  Mom, more kissed and hugs from me.  Love you.

I am coming up on the one year mark which is 12/19, that day changed my life forever.

I tell my mom I miss her everyday and love her.

I also thank God for taking such good care of her and not letting her suffer.

Now I am suffering, but I know she would want me to go on, but my life will never be the same without her here on this earth.

One day at a time....

Samantha, have faith..its the only thing that has gotten me through this.

Hello everyone. I haven't commented in quite awhile. I have read several messages and gained strength from them. My mom has been gone nine months today. I don't think it will ever get easier to live without Mon but slowly I'm learning how to navigate life without her constant support and love. It hurts every step of the way though. I cry a lot still. I have found that what helps me most is to surround myself with family as much as I can. I also have to make a little time for myself to just be alone. (I'm not as good with this one.) Sometimes I still have to remind myself that she really isn't here. When I look at her pictures, she was so much larger than life that it feels like she's still here for just a moment. I'll never stop missing her. I know that for sure. 

To everyone who has recently joined us in this horrible journey of losing our mothers, I say to you that you have come to a wonderful place. The people here are so supportive and caring and truly understand how you feel because they too are feeling the same things. May God wrap his arms around us all and carry us until we can walk again. 

I miss my mom so much. My heart hurts constantly. 

God bless you Lisa and everyone, he will walk beside all of us the rest of our lives.

I believe that and if I didn't I would never have been able to survive losing my mom.

I miss her and I tell her that everyday.

Some days are worse than others, but I keep hearing her voice in my head telling me to live my life, I am trying........

Holidays are coming up not my favorite time lost my dad on 12/14, my mom on 12/19 and grandmom 12/24, I work in retail so I will keep super busy.....

Monica, my prayers go out to you......

Lindsay, I feel worse, my anxiety is so bad my stomach is taking the brunt of it.  Its awful, I pray for healing everyday.

This month will be 11 months since my mom went home unexpectedly, our last words were her asking me "you know what hospital right" and I said " Yes mom Bryn Mawr, I'm leaving right now".....thats it, the next call on my phone was the hospital stating she was in full cardiac arrest.....

I try  hard every day to live, but my life will never be the same again.

Lindsey,

I completely relate to how you are feeling. I don't think anyone has put it into words any better than you did. I too have a husband, kids and pets and extended family that I see fairly often. I work everyday and attend my kids sporting events (the one thing that does bring me some relief) and yet I feel very lonely, worried about things for no reason, irritated very easily, no sense of hope for happy times even though I go through all the motions of being ok. Tears come easily and not just when I'm thinking about Mom but the smallest of things bring me to tears. I went to my family doctor and expressed all of this to her Monday and she suggested an anti-depressant and grief counseling. Neither of these are things I have ever done in the past. I started a new medication Monday night and it has been a complete turn around for me. I would never have thought it could make this much difference in how I feel but it does. Monday morning in the doctors office was the last time I cried. Four whole days without tears. That's a first since my Mom passed in February of this year. I start grief counseling next week. I just got to the point where I was ready to accept anything that would help me get back to some kind of normal way of feeling. I don't know how long I will continue the medication but for now, it has been a good decision for me. May God give you all relief from the excruciating pain of losing our Moms. 

I so wish none of us were even in the position to be on this site, but it is a little less lonely going through it with anyone that understands. Thank you all for the replies, they are so helpful when you feel so desperate. Lisa, I am the very same. I go with the motions. I go to work every day. I am very involved with my daughter (the other two are my step daughters). We go to birthday parties, activities, you name it. I will not let this take away from my daughter's happiness, but every day is a true struggle. I smile much less now and when I do, it's mostly forced. My doctor also suggested an anti-depressant which has been so tough. I have never taken any sort of medication, but I am at a point where I just don't know how I can live like this every day. I don't mean that in a "scary" way, but this isn't LIFE. I want normalcy back. I don't want to mask or bury my feelings, but I just don't want to feel this unsettled, anxious way every minute of every day. Thank you for posting about your visit to the doctor. I feel sometimes people are ashamed of having to turn to medication and I think it is so important to talk about it and realize that it can be life changing. Theresa and Monica, the anxiety is just awful. Downright crippling at times. I think about her constantly and wonder how I'll ever be happy again without her with me. I also feel resentful and question a lot. I am so angry that my Mom will miss out on seeing my daughter grow and even more that my daughter doesn't have her best Gram anymore. And that I don't have her myself. We spoke multiple times a day. She lived across the street from me. Nothing is the same, not even close. It's so hard. I wish you all relief as well.

Lisa, I added you as a friend in hopes that I could private message you with a question?

Lindsey, 

I accepted your friend request 

Lindsay (and everyone else who commented) I could have written what you wrote! Kids, husband and pets but I still feel very lonely. The holidays are hard and I feel the apprehension and stress as we enter them. Yet I have to make it nice for my kids while I would rather do nothing. 

I think part of my loneliness is not having my mother here to talk to, that connection. That one person always loving you, having your back etc. Nobody can replace that and it is one of the most special connections we had in our life. It has been 2 years since my mom passed and this is something I still struggle with. 

So I think I yearn for that close connection we had. But even close friends and family cannot fill that hole. That is why it is so hard. I know my mom wants me to be happy and live a fulfilling life but it is sure hard without her here. 

I wish I had a great solution but I don't. 

Jill, that's exactly right. I am by no means alone and I have wonderful supportive friends, but there is just nothing like your Mother. I fear my first illness without her. I know I sound ridiculous at 39 years old, but I bet you get it. I cringe at the thought of her not being there when I don't feel well. No mother ever wants her child (no matter the age) to feel sick. They bring such comfort. Her asking me how am I until I am better. What she can do to help me. Rubbing my back. Telling me she loves me. All of it. I miss talking to her every day, her support. She was my number one cheerleader! I miss the laughs terribly. Boy did we laugh together. The hole is huge Jill, huge. I so understand where you are coming from. The holidays are so tough. I've decided to fly out west to spend it with my brother. I can't even think of being home without my Mom. 

I just got home from work and cried all the way home.

I just feel like I am at a loss for words.

I have no children, no other family members, so all I do is think about that day over and over in my mind.

Yes Nov and Dec are hard for me also dad died on 12/14, mom died 12/19 and grandmother 12/24

I feel as though God had a reason to take her home at that time.

Some days and night are worse than others, I just can't wait until I dream of her, I think I am asking too many questions instead of just believing it was moms time to go home.

It is really great to have others to talk to here I am glad I found this site.

I lost my mom to cancer in a months time. My mom and I didn't always get along but I always tried to please her. As I got older, I decided to accept her as she was and to love her unconditionally. I took care of her in her last days. What hurts so much is, I was at peace with the relationship I had with my mom. Before she became sick, we both made amends and i  had such a peace about it and for the fact she didn't suffer long. However, one of my older brothers said my mom complained i had upset her everyday she was in rehab. Then another accusation was made that I had spoke harshly to mom while turning her. I'm just at a loss. I don't know how to cope with this. any of you have this happen to you?

hello everyone, I'm having a hard time about my mom, I lost her about 6 years ago to cancer, she was very ill so I have to remember that she is fine now, and she is feeling no pain and happy in heaven....i'm a strong christian i just miss them....I'm doing ok though, it just helps to get the feelings out

I am coming up on one year 12/19 it seems I am having a hard time.  I miss my mom so much, she was all I had.

I miss you mom with all my heart!

My Mom passed away in January 2013. The pain isn't so sharp now, I don't cry so much as in the first months. Sometimes before I go to sleep and start thinking about her, and how I feel alone. But it's true that it's another life, completely different without her. It will never be the same and bit by bit we have to understand it.

I long to see her face again, hug her.

Melisa, My mother passed Feb 2013. I understand what you mean. I still have not gone through all of my mothers things. I count myself "lucky" that I could put it off but I think it is time to do it. I miss her so very much I still cry like a baby. Not like in the beginning of this new lonely life without my best friend and beloved mother but the sharp pangs still jab me when I am feeling low. Feeling sad today.

I am very sad today, it is 11 months today that my mom went home with God.

Next month is one year...

Very sad and lonely without her, I miss her with all my heart.

Everyone have a nice Thanksgiving, I am giving thanks to God for many things but two of them being taking such great care of my mom and letting her be on this earth until she was 92, with no ailments, and for taking her so quickly not letting her suffer as I have seen with my dad. Thank you

Another birthday gone by and I am so sad as ever...love you Mom

Same as Jean-sharp pain when I feel low

Hi Sherry Crow, I wanted to comment about what you said. I share some of your experiences. what is good to know is that each family member grieves differently. You know in your heart that you and your Mom made peace with each-other and loved each-other. Try not to listen to what others say....just listen to your heart. sending you a hug

Happy Thanksgiving to all. May God walk softly with all of us as we go through this holiday without our moms. For me, it is a first Thanksgiving without Mom.

My first Thanksgiving without my mom......

This is my second Thanksgiving without mom.  Extremely sad. Missing my mom.  She died on October 8, 2015, so last year my first Thanksgiving without her was horrible. I still miss her so much.  I wish she is here with me, but she is in Heaven.  The other day I dreamed about her.   I saw her smiling, healthy and happy.  Miss you mom.  Kisses and hugs from me.

This was my first Thanksgiving without my Mom. I have lived in a different state than my Mom for most of my adult life. Every weekend and every holiday begins with a phone call with Mom. She was an excellent cook and baker. All I could do was think of her as I cooked my Thanksgiving meal. I have no children, so have never been a Mom. I am a daughter, sister and wife. I have a hard time communicating with my Dad, so I feel like I'm no longer a daughter. People around me think her death shouldn't affect me as much it seems. I'm not young and she had not been healthy for several years. But she loved me like no one else will and I miss that. I could talk and laugh with her like no one else -- she was so smart and curious. She called me Sept. 27 on my birthday. She told me she was bringing Hospice in (weekly check-ups at home). It was the last time I would hear her speak. She died Oct. 1. I'm just really sad.

Patricia I feel your pain. I also am a daughter, sister and a wife. No kiddos by choice. She always hinted that we needed a little tax exemption. I had much older brothers that made me babysit at a very young age so I was overwhelmed by that from age 9-12 years old. My father passed 2 weeks before my 11th birthday. Complications from WWII and Korean War service. The best thing my mother ever did for me at that time was to allow me to get a pony. We were on a budget so why she did that I think was to save me from the never ending babysitting jobs. I like some kids now I just ran out of maternal instincts at a very early age. I sometimes wish I had given her a grandchild but the cards were stacked against us genetic wise. My mother had been ill for awhile maybe aa few years and was not telling me and my husband. The Saturday after Thanksgiving 4 years ago we convinced her to let my husband take her to a walk in doctor office. She did not know that I followed along in my vehicle. They ran bloodwork and told us to take her to the ER ASAP. She had Aplastic Anemia. It took the hospital 11 days to figure that out. When they did they said the hospital was no place for her to be so she came home with us and I took care of her here. Her room at our home I still cannot go into without crying for her. She was my rock. I am also feeling sad.

Dec 19th will be one year for my mom.

Dec 14th will be 17 years for my dad

Very sad month for me, not to mention my grandmom passed on 12/24 many years ago.