I wake up at night and say mom where are you? I miss you, but I know where you are.

Its very hard, I just keep thinking, I am going to miss her forever, I hope she knows that.

Yoga has helped me, I notice if I only practice Monday through Friday and not on the weekend, I fall apart more.

Wow Caroline

I don't have any dreams of my mom.

I wish I did....

Thank you - it really is helpful knowing I am not alone and that there are people who truly understand what I am going through. I also ask "where are you?"...often. The only thing that seems to be bringing me any peace at this point is that she is leaving me pennies. She is also leaving them for the people who have really come through for me at this time (my fiance and a couple of very close friends). I have found around 10 at this point. my daughter found one lone penny in the (tall) grass in our backyard and she was delighted because she also believes they are from her. Another story that brought a smile and some tears... my dear friend from work lost her Mom who she was also very close with 13 years ago. We talk all the time about our experiences and she's mentioned, in sadness, that in 13 years she has never gotten any "sign" or seen her in her dreams. My mom (she is convinced too) has been leaving her pennies as well. She had surgery yesterday (all is well thankfully) and she texted me after that while she was "out" her mother and my mother sat beside her and held her through the process. The room was VERY bright. She woke up feeling so peaceful and convinced that they are together and looking after us. There was also a rainbow directly over our house a couple of weeks ago and I was lucky enough to have one dream where we hugged and she was smiling. She looked SO happy (there were no words said and it was a really quick dream). I am desperately trying to look at these things as positives to keep me going day to day without going insane. The hole is just so enormous and some days it feels like just too much to handle. I know it would make my Mom so sad to see me this way. I was her everything (as was my brother (thought their bond wasn't as strong) and my daughter). I want so much to feel some happiness again. Hopefully someday.. 

Hugs to all of you who are going through this or the like. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, ever. 

hi everyone im doing ok, im missing my mom, certain movies or things remind me of her and its not easy,its a pain that never goes away....i hope one day it wont bother me....much love to all of you....things will get easier as time goes on

Rachel

How long has it been?

Hi everyone

I just made it through the 8th month since my mom passed, I miss her so much.

Very difficult year for me, and December with be even harder, lost both mom and and dad in December. 

So I continue to live my life, it is just not the same without her to talk to ten times a day.....I pray to God for strength and cry everyday.

I'm missing my mom terribly, i know time heals but its a hurt that never goes away...certain things remind me of her, and its very hard....i wish she were still here....i just love her....im thankful for the memories of her

Does it get better?  I just passed my 5th month and the pain is just as it was the day she passed.  I am so lost.

David and Gregory

I have not had any dreams, I do know she is ok.....

I am heading towards my ninth month, I still cry ......it was so sudden, I just keep thinking why?

I have no family to talk to just one cousin, but does she really want to hear it?

I lost my  mother 3 years ago this August. I was her caregiver for 7 years. Her passing was sudden. I know the first year can be the hardest. You can make it. I still feel the grief of the loss, that will never go away, but you learn to handle it over time.

During the holidays, if you go to an event, don't go alone. Have someone close to you be your partner. If you feel you have to leave, plan a signal to your partner you're ready to go. It makes it easier to excuse yourself when you have someone backing you up.

Thank you John, I hope so.

I will Monica, thank you.

God Bless everyone.

All of your comments are touching.  It does help to know you don't suffer alone.  I was my Mom's caregiver for over a year and her death was unexpected.  She contracted urinary track infections occasionally but a week in the hospital usually cleared up everything.  Unfortunately the last time she was in the hospital she contracted phenomena and was gone in two days.  I'm also the executor of her estate and going through my Mom's things and reading notes she made is ripping me apart.  I think I'm almost done and will be able to close the estate this fall.  I found it interesting:  Just a few legal documents and some notarized signatures and my Mom no longer exists in the eyes of the law.

I'm having alot of trouble coping with the loss of my mom, I know she is in heaven and ok now, but I miss her, and I find myself wondering what it will be like when i die, and it bothers me im thinking that way....you take one day at a time and get thru it....i miss her, i love her, and my heart will always be with her....its a pain that never goes away....she wants me to be happy so i have to do my best....

Have not heard from anyone, just wanted to see how you all are.

Heather nailed it--having to get used to this new "normal".  It's not normal not having our Mom's with us.  I don't think I will ever get used to it.  I guess the best idea is to cope with it.  How can you cope with something as tragic as your Mom's death?  This is the kind of question I would go to my Mom and ask for advice but when I turn to talk to her, she is gone. 

Heather

You said it "the new normal"  so weird not being able to just pick up the phone and call her.

I miss her so much, I just keep saying to myself, you will be ok, just keep going.

Nancy I know how you feel.

Nancy I hope you are on the mend from your fall...

I have saved phone messages from my mom, I jut can't bring myself to listen them for fear of a meltdown.

Now everytime something hurts or I don't feel well there is no mom to say you'll be fine.  

Has anyone been through a year yet? I was wondering is it true the first year is the worst??

Yes, it is very hard David.  I don't think our mothers go away forever.  Their spirit is always around you, it's just not in her body like you were used to seeing it.  Look in other places and you might find little things that reassure that she is still there watching out for you.  

How can anyone cope with loosing a mother, i have lost my mom 4 months ago for breast cancer and i dont want to realise it till now that she is gone.

It's like i am in a bad dream a really bad one and i cant wake up, i was the one taking care of her, going to all her chemo sessions and discussing her case with her doctors and she was fine she was getting better and suddenly she had a stroke and went into 22 days of coma before she passed away...i told her when she was in a coma to let go to leave to go home but now i cant let go of her.

Life has been tasteless, i cant find a purpose anymore since she is gone..i cant work, i cant find my passion anymore.

I feel this sharp pain when i suddenly realize she is gone, i hate holidays and events, i cant deal with friends on the same level like before, i want to stay by myself most of the time.

I miss my mom.

Jessie so sorry for your recent loss.  I get so much anxiety my face feels like it is tingling its awful.

I keep trying to say to myself this is life I have to learn to live without my mom, I don't want to, but I have no choice. 

I cry everyday still and its been nine months, sometimes I am at a loss for words, I just miss her terribly.

I surely hope as time goes on my sadness dissipates.

Sometimes when I cry I say, I am not crying for you mom because I know how happy you are with God, I cry for myself because of course there is a few things I wanted to do or say before you left so suddenly.

Hi everyone, I am coming up on 10 months, time has gone so fast, I am still having a very difficult time.

I stopped the meds to sleep the dr gave me because they made me more anxious.

I really am still so very lost.......my heart aches everyday.

You also Heather...thank you.

Sakti, I am very sorry for your losses, I found that this site has many people in the same situation that we are in.

You are not alone in more ways than you'll ever know.

A priest told me that God is right beside me and I believe that because without the strength he has given me I would have never make it through almost ten months without my mom.

I realize this is my new life one without her for now.....

Keep your faith whatever it may be.

I miss my mom with all my heart, some days its easier, some days its hard to get thru a day, i know she is at peace and she wants me to be happy, i love you mom!!