Nancy, I had a very similar experience. My dad died last August 2102 shortly after I had visited him at the VA hospital. My mom was very sick for the holiday's 2012, and little did I know it would be the last Thanksgiving & Christmas we'd spend together.
She got very sick and died about 6-8 months after being diagnosed with Leukemia. Mom died August of this year. I like you am glad she is not suffering anymore. Watching her die was real hard,and know that I am selfish in my missing her. I saw a counselor who says we never really get over our parents passing. We just learn to move forward. I am working on moving forward, but it's only been about 3 month, so I will work on moving forward slowly but surely.

Nancy and Boabie I hear you. 

The upcoming holidays will be very rough, no doubt.  I'm not looking forward to it. Easter was bad enough.  But, we have to move forward, eh?  My boss says "you never get over it, you just get used to it", but that takes some time, I think.  I'm also glad Mom's not suffering and struggling, but it's hard to enjoy a holiday without her right now.

Yes Nancy L, our lives can change in 3-4 years to a level we never believed that it would go to.

Boabie--so sorry you have to go through losing both of your parents so close together.  That has to be very difficult for you.  Your grief for your mom is still so new. 

We have to take it one day at a time.  We need to remember that we are not alone in our grief, that the people here do understand what we are going through. 

Helder - I understand how you feel about the medical treatment.  I felt like the medical community did not treat my mom because she was 'old'.  She had seen a couple of different doctors who basically said "it was nothing" and not to worry.  But other doctors where the total opposite and that she was sick and needed different medical treatments. 

The thing is today even with the doctors we are not sure whether they are doing the right thing or not and we don't know because we know les than them.  Sometimes they take it too lightly and maybe they could have done more etc. 

I can relate to your comments Helder.....I kept my Mom in her home for 5yrs, with in home care, which ranged from incompetence to barely adequate.  Not to mention the numerous trips to doctors, various medicines, etc.  It's a struggle no matter what you do when the person is suffering and not getting any better.  I had planned to move Mom to a private nursing home in a month or two....but, fate stepped in.  At least she got what she wanted, to die at home.  But, I feel that she never got the care she deserved, for all of the struggles in life she went thru.  She too, was a single parent, as Dad passed on when I was quite young.  Life was never easy for her.

Helder and Jeff sounds like your mom's had great sons who took care fo them.  I know they are proud. 

Dia I am so sorry to hear of the conditions your mother had to endure while sick.  I feel bad that people treated her poorly.  that is not acceptable.  There were times when my dad was treated poorly by staff in the nursing home he was in.  They didn't know that we had been good friends with the manager of the place.  So things improved.  The manager personally told me not to worry, that he was be looking out for my dad. 

Thank You Nancy.

Well said Eliza. What you said is how I truly feel right now too. This time last year my Mom was so sick also and now it's that time again makes this grief even harder to deal and cope with right now. I will never see the month of November the same again. 

Hugs Eliza, I know exactly what you mean. It's been three months for me. And I have good and not so good days. Still find it hard to believe that my mom and dad are gone! Last year my dad died and my mom began to get sick. This year she is gone. As an only child, sometimes I feel so alone even with family. Hugs to everyone!

Today would have been my Mom's 73rd birthday....it's hard..I am dreading the next week, it will be the 1 year anniversary of her passing; not to mention Thanksgiving falls on the day before.  I'm heading up to see her later this morning and bringing flowers...let's hope these high winds don't take me away.

Yes Elissa it is normal in case of sudden or unexpected loss to feel it did not happen even after seven months.  Sudden is a different thing and can be traumatic for the first few months before even one can start grieving. 

Hello. I'm new to this ... so, I will just share my story and hope that is okay.

My mom passed away in June 2011, she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in March 2011. I'm an only child... my mom was an only child, so I'm an only grandchild on her side. From diagnosis to death, it was beyond heart breaking for my dad and I however, mom never suffered. So many tests were ran, she went through chemo, etc. but in the end, the cancer had spread so quickly that 13 brain tumors were never detected until it was too late.

I could go on forever about what I saw and what she went through but I assume everyone here has a story. I haven't sought out counseling until this week, I scheduled my first appointment with a therapist. We had a great connection on the phone and we meet for the first time on 12/6.

I guess my questions are, is it normal to miss someone so much? To find vices that effect you emotionally and physically to adapt? I don't know a normal ... I will never contemplate hurting myself however I don't know how to move on. I have lost friends, not b/c they aren't amazing people but b/c I am not the same person and they don't know how to deal with me. I have never been this way ... drinking, smoking and have put on 60lbs. How do you move on?

I'm so very sorry for everyone that has lost someone, my thoughts are with all of you.

Deeply sorry about everyone's loss. My mother went to God last year, it is well over a year for me. I try everything I can to keep myself together but we will never be the same again. We will get through it, but we will never get over it. And, that is is fact.

Martha, I recently said almost the exact same words to another family member. I feel the same way completely! I will never be the same period! We will get through this, but I will never fully get over losing my mom. Not in this lifetime.

Yes Cynthia that hiding somehwere until Thanksgiving is over is how I feel too. This is the first Thanksgiving without my Mom here and it is so hard. As for normal, this so called new normal is not very normal at all. that's why we are all here. But we must go on for our sake for Mom's sake. Hang in there everyone. Let's do this together.

this will be my first Thanksgiving w/out Mom....going to get out of the house...just don't want to dwell on it.  Too depressing. 

Yes, Boabie nothing will ever be the same again. It is impossible. The anchor that kept us grounded is no longer on this earth, and we are just drifting along... I understand how you, my friends feel about the Holidays. It is not the same. I just tried to dwell on the spiritual meaning of it all. For Thanksgiving the beauty of gratitude for having a great mother who is now with God (some people never have had that precious gift). And, that keeps me going. 

I'm planning to do the same as Jeff all the way until the end of the year.  Get out of the house or stay submerged in work while inside.  Its too tough otherwise.

I feel so sick to my stomach. I don't know hoe I can get through Thanksgiving without my mom. Everyday gets harder and its only been a month. I feel like someone took half of me away when she passed.

You will never get used to it:( I wake up everyday feeling like she will be here and it was a nightmare. I know I will never be the same and right now I just feel lost. I know tomorrow will be so hard. Cynthia my thoughts are with you and its always nice to have someone who knows how you feel....

Thank you Dia-Ayesha. My condolences to you also. I still feel the shock and disbelief. I know that I have lost family in the past but I never have felt like I do now. The pain is so unbearable. Like I said its so nice to know that I am not alone:)  

My greetings to all of you on this site and condolences to those who have just recently gone through the pain and agony of losing their mothers.  This is my first post since my initial one back in August 2013. I lost my mom at 90 back on October 14, 2012 and, as many of this site have said, things will never be the same again. I knew the one year anniversary of my mom’s passing (October 14), which just recently came up, would hit me hard, but even I did not realize the impact and bonecrushing grief that has come along with it. I think much of the grief and emptiness comes from the fact that, you now know beyond any reasonable doubt that your mother will never be coming back and it is almost unbearable at times to think of the rest of your life without her and the continual struggle you will have to keep her memory close to you as the years go by. While I have not been naïve since my mother’s passing, I think I almost had the subconscious thought that this whole thing was temporary and that, in a year’s time, she would surely be back and everything would be fine, just like it always was! Of course, it does not work this way!! I also had, until the one year anniversary of her passing, a strange type of solace as I was always able to go back one year on the calendar and say that my mom was always alive on that particular day. Many times, I would escape back into time to that day one year ago and remember how I lived it with her. Now that has been lost. We are just left with trying to carry on with life the best we can, doing everything possible to keep the memory of our mothers alive and trying to live life in the same way both of our parents did, touching people positively and trying to leave the world a better place than it was when we arrived. You will all be in my thoughts as we try to get through this latest holiday season together! It has been very helpful during these hard times for me to read all of your postings.           

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost their loved ones and Thank you for this community of which was created to help heal . 

I am mourning many losses but my most recent is that of my mother...When I think of her departure from this earth I am
Sad but grateful,
My mother passed away Saturday November 23rd 2013 ,She was 70 years old and was a feisty pistol till the end . She had several ailments that could have caused her demise including an aneurism on the aorta ,also she had internal bleeding , a mild heart attack and some other prior problems ,The Doctors told us they could not operate as she would not survive the surgery , That's when we then made the decision to do comfort care/Hospice. She survived for two days in the ICU but was then able to be transferred back to the nursing home where she was living , She had stated before she had gone under medication that she wanted to go back home , I'm happy she fought long enough to make it back there. With my sister,our family , her friends , the staff and the hospice team, to surround her with love and prayers. I give thanks on this day that my mother went peacefully into Gods loving arms and will no longer feel the emotional or physical pains , I pray that everyone who has lost a loved one feel inner peace today in knowing that even though death for the body/ vessel is permanent the dying process is temporary and however they may have passed just know your loved one is also at peace and is no longer feeling any pain .

Niecy, what a beautiful post. I know as well that our mothers are in a much better place surrounded by love with God and all family members and friends that have departed this earthly plane. 

I wish everyone the Peace of God this day, and always.

Love you Mum...miss you every day.

I am so sorry Rachel...for your loss...that sure is hard...but I know you will get through...and just being here amongst friends will help you a little every day too.  My best to you...and I am thankful for this group and new friends too.

Thank you Martha , It's only been a few days now and today is a tough day for me as it is for everyone and I wish you all peace today. I try to see the light in her passing ... she is no longer feeling pain and I take comfort in that and for the memories  I have of her on this earth and for the time shared when we could.  I shed many tears but knowing she is my angel now along with many other members of her/my family brings me some comfort. 

love to all <3

It is the 1 yr mark for my Mom....still doesn't feel real sometimes, I do know that deep down ache in my heart is real, and I miss her a lot...I love you Mom.

Rachel and Niecy,

My thoughts are with you both.

Jeff

My condolences to everyone.  God Bless us all.

Thank you ,Jeff and everyone for your loving words and support . To everyone on here , we would not be on here without a common bond of sadness of loss.  I am however grateful for the support and comfort that this community has given to me in my time of sorrow. 

Welcome Angela! I lost my mom August of this year to leukemia and I lost my dad August of last year to prostate cancer. I think you will find it very helpful to talk on here with others who know exactly what you are going through. Remember that grieving is a good thing. I will never get over the loss of my parents, but I will get through it and you will too! I am very sorry for your loss, and I am very glad you found this site.

I am so sorry for your loss Angela. You are so right people do not know what to say and some say things that make us mad. I hear, it will get better and I also hear people tell me I need to be strong. Well for one it doesn't get better I feel worse everyday and I know its because I wake up realizing she isn't here. I was strong through everything with my mom and I right now I cant be strong. I am scared and feel lost. I am glad there are others who understand. Its nice to feel like we are normal and the way we feel is ok:) We are all here to listen and the support is nice...