Dia -Ayesha

Female

India

Profile Information:

About my Loss:
I lost my beloved mother july 22 , 2013. She was my mum, my best friend, companion, my biggest cheerleader. She suffered from lupus and cardiomyopathy. For the past 14 years I was her primary caregiver. She was the epitome of love, beauty, grace and kindness. She was so kind, caring, pure hearted and noble. She had a heart of gold and never hurt a fly . Yet life was not kind to her. Apart from the ailments she suffered from she endured many injustices ,cruelty from many relatives , her siblings etc. She endured pain in life and in death . I feel shattered, heartbroken , grief stricken . Apart from the anguish I feel angry at God and at life for being unkind to her. I'm Indian and my faith is Hinduism . I find myself questioning God and my faith. She was devout and had an abiding faith in God . I feel miserable because life gave her a raw deal . My mission in life was to keep her healthy, happy and alive for the past 14 years. However the last few days were so bad. She was in ICU battling for her life and we faced unimaginBle cruelty at the hands of the hospital who were very callous in not letting us be with her during her stay there. My family and I felt guilty because we were always with her at home yet in her final days due to hospital rules and regulations we were kept away from her and saw verry little of her. This is eating me up inside. I feel broken, i ache , i weep for my ma ( indian word for mother). How am i supposed to live without her? How do i apologise to her for the callousness, cruelty of the hospital we took her to? Somebody please help me. This is the most painful, tragic, greatest loss ever.

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  • Survivor17

    Thank you Dia-Ayesha , Although everyones stories are so sad it does help me to know that I am not alone , at least on here anyways , I have read many of your posts and they have really touched me , I am sorry for all the pain you have had to endure. 

    Thanks for your kind words , for being a friend and for joining my new little group. I know anxiety and depression are difficult to talk about but I was just hoping to get some insight as to if some other members are going through the same feelings they could share with me...  

    Dec 3, 2013

  • John Doe

    How are you doing?

    Oct 16, 2014

  • John Doe

    Please I need to know if there is hope.

    You are one year ahead of me is it still like hell?

    Sep 26, 2015