My condolences to everyone

God bless

I know we're all hurting because of all the reminders around us of Mother's Day approaching. I am so screwed up right now because it was last year on Mother's Day that we pulled life support, and Mother died the next morning. It will be the first anniversary. Am I subconsciously trying to stop time or what? All I know is that I'm not functional well at all, and feel very intensely sad.

Mother's Day commercials on the radio and tv! Advertisements on the internet....I can't escape it! What makes it worse is that I am due to be a mother in about 2 months, for the first time. My husband was originally planning on making a gourmet dinner for me as a "You're about to be a Mother" Mother's Day surprise, but now I just want to hide my head in the sand for the entire weekend.

Anybody else change the channel really quickly when a Mother's Day ad comes on? How are you all coping with this constant rubbing of salt in our wounds?  

I click over on the TV when the ads appear...and I fix the screen on the computer so I don't see them....I can't do the card aisle yet either.  I am planning on taking flowers up to Mom on that day....just really tears you up to see all the commercials!

I agree with you all on the Mother's Day stuff. I can't bring myself to look at an ad or go down the card aisle without feeling like I will lose it completely. My heart is so heavy as I type this. I'm so sorry for all your losses and I just wish things could be different. I struggle daily like many of you do I'm sure. I relive that day over and over in my head. I see her face and the moments before she passed. It is just an awful nightmare. I know that death is pat of life. But it SUCKS!

I'm avoiding the card aisle and flipping quickly past the Mothers Day newspaper ads.  It really sucks. This will be my 1st Mothers Day w/out my Mom.  Haven't felt like this since I was 8yrs old when Father's Day approached; my Dad had just died and we had to make Father's Day cards in school.  what a wonderful activity :-(

It seems that escaping reminders is virtually impossible. This weekeend is going to be hard for all of us, whether our grief is new or old. My family and I are planning to hide together for the weekend. My brother and his gf are coming down and we are all going to my father's. We're thinking no tv (so no commercials) - just movies!

Unfortunately there are reminders everywhere that our moms are gone aren't there? Just today my husband suggested I put up some updated baby belly photos onto FB for the rest of my family to see and when I went into the baby album to upload photos I noticed that just before she passed my mother had left a comment on the album about "her little sweet pea" (my unborn son). I saw the comment and just broke down crying. I hope some day I can look at that comment and smile because she was so looking forward to becoming a grandmother.....but right now it's just a stab in the heart.

I hope we all find a way to cope with these daily reminders and the ones to do with this coming Sunday.

I'm a mess. My heart goes out to the rest of you who are suffering as well. I'm glad we have each other.

I am having such a hard time coping with Mother's Day. It would have also been my parent's 50th anniversary. My mom wanted to have a party to celebrate it so badly. She once asked me if I thought they would make it. I didn't know how to respond. Lately, my dad is declining mentally. This is too much for one person to deal with alone. Now, i get to watch my dad deteriorate. I have no family besides him, why do i bother to go on, I guess for my dog, whom i know needs me, as well as my guinea pig. But, it is getting harder each day.

I feel like my mom is slipping further and further away.  (Not by my doing)...we have gotten rid of her clothes, cleaned out papers from her house, divided up most of her things, sold some things...I just feel that bit by bit she is slipping away.  My sister called to tell me the latest this afternoon at work.  I broke down, I had to leave work.  I cried driving home. Had a big break down at home.  It is just over 4 months since she left us.  It just feels so so much longer than that! 

All of this is quite awful, but it is what me must accept, unfortunately. But, I'm not sure I'm at that stage just yet.   My mom's older sister, who is now the last of 10 siblings at 88yrs of age, reminded me that everyone has to go through this, i.e., losing parents. And, when you have siblings, someone always gets to be the last one remaining.  It completely sucks, nonetheless. 

I am feeling terrible with Mother's Day approaching and people don't understand why I am upset! It's like they are allowed to be upset, but I can't..then I have people telling me that I bottle everything up and that I need to be more open with people about my feelings but then turn around and say well it is what it is, there is nothing we can do about that..well I wasn't expecting a change, I just wanted someone to listen..so frustrating!!:/ Keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers, especially this weekend!

Hi Jennifer, email me if you can I would like to hear from you again. I feel like you do. It is my beautiful mom's b-day this Friday May 10th. With her b-day and Mothers day, I am having a hard time. I have pain everyday it never goes away.

As much a I would like to hide this weekend I am not sure I can. My husband would like to celebrate Mother's Day with me as I will be a mother for the first time very soon and on top of that, I still have a mother-in-law who we would normally have a family dinner with later Sunday night after Sunday brunch with my side of the family. My husband has said we don't have to go to his mom's this year because he thinks it will be too hard for me to hear everyone wishing each other "Happy Mother's Day" but I don't know. At my in-laws Easter I broke down and I am worried I will ruin Mother's Day for my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and niece. I don't know what to do. Some part of me wants to hide and pretend like the day doesn't exist, but then I think that my mother would tell me to be strong and think of other people - but my mother was a very selfless person. I have to figure it out soon....

May God help us all, especially this weekend.

I couldn't agree more Natalie...Wishing you all strength to get thru Sunday. It's going to be a very hard day for all of us. Stay strong~

I have not yet decided what I'll do on Sunday...it's going to be pretty miserable.  Maybe I'll wander around a flea market or something equally distracting from the "holiday".

A friend of a friend wrote this to her about grief she was going through and everyone kept acting like she should be "over" her grieving and I really liked it and decided to share here.

"There is no prescribed time to grieve, only until the wound no longer has more pain than life has joy."

Maddy, I can't speak for you, but I don't think there would be anything wrong or that you would be selfish if you just had a quiet day with your husband on Mothers Day and I really don't think anyone else would be upset if you did not participate in festivities.  I did not celebrate mothers day last year since it had only been 2 months since my mother passed away.  I basically stayed in bed all day, my husband and children understood.  You do what feels right to YOU!

I'm trying to figure out to get through tomorrow, my first mothers day without my mom.

first mother's day for me as well, without Mom.  it's been ok up til today.

God Bless

Hello Everyone,

It is Mother's Day and the first one without my Mother. She was the most wonderful woman that ever lived. I can't think of anyone who meet her that did not like her. She always accepted anyone of our friends we brought around the house. Most of the time they came to think of her as Mother too.

My husband never had a Mother figure in his life who cared about him, until my Mother. She was the first Mother figure who said "I love you" to him. Her death was much harder on him than I ever thought it would be, but it should not have surprised me.

Now I am going through a crisis and it is so hard not having her here. I lost my job May 1st as part of a workforce reduction. Even when she was not as mentally sharp as normal, she still could go into "Mom Mode" and give you advice. I think that was what upset me more than actually loosing my job, having to go through this without her love and advice.

Now with Mother's Day here, there is not going to be any cards, presents, hugs, special dinners or food. Just a few fresh flowers on her grave, like we used to buy her when she was alive. (She loved fresh flowers and my husband and I would pick out a bouquet or 2 and take to her to look at every payday.)

Happy Mother's Day Mama. I really miss you.

Just got back from placing lilac cuttings on Mom's grave...my heart still breaks every time I go up there... I hate leaving her there, though I know it isn't her, that she is in a better place...just wish she was here...ya know?

When my mom was dying I tried to crawl into bed with her but she stopped me because she was hooked up to so many things.  I wanted to hole her in my arms and take away her pain and fear.  This is the third Mother's Day without her.  I have her ashes at home with me an I brought her flowers but that is so little compared to all she gave me.  I am nothing without her.

On this day a year ago, we pulled my mother's life support. It's all too real for me still. I am trying to function, but I feel sick and cannot stop crying or seeing the images of that moment in my head.

On Mothers' Day, I was invited to a BBQ...and coerced to go.  Figure it was better than sitting home being depressed.  Still, it was a tough day from start to finish.  My mind was on my Mom and how much I missed her presence.  Her birthday is up next at the end of the month.  It's just terribly depressing.

I totally understand, Jeff. There's no pain even close to that of missing your mother. I find that I just want to be able to touch my mother's hand or face, or just to hear her laugh. It's brutal. Do you still have your mom's hair brush?

her hair brush?  no.  But, oddly, what I am hanging onto is her handbag.  Reminds me of all the trips we made, before and after her health worsened.  We had just gone to the dentist a few weeks before she passed.  Not sure why, but that handbag holds value to me.

I have my mom's hairbrush and purse.  Her kitchen is pretty much how it was when she passed.  her kitchen drawers are still filled with her knick knack stuff.  I can't go through it yet.

My apologies, Jeff. I must have mixed you up with another member who kept his mother's hair brush, as did I. I also have one of my mother's purses and some jewelry as well as a bottle of her cologne, which of course, is the most intimate of connections. You hang onto that handbag; it carries the memories you  made with her.

Michael: You've been a steadfast and gentle presence on this board. I don't always post, but I have been reading all along. The pictures you put up of your mother are so tender. I can feel how much you love her. There is something so vital about the hair brush; it still holds my mother's smell and an actual part of her. I remember the last time she brushed her hair with it in the hospital just before her surgery. Today at 11:05 will mark her final breath. I feel so badly that I wasn't there when she passed. My dad & I were getting ready to leave when the hospital called to tell us she had died. It's all still an open wound.

Today was an awful day. Even the smaller problems become huge when I can't share them with Mom, as I've always done.

Hi Melissa C,

I understand what you mean. I have a wonderfully supportive husband, father and brothers....but some days all I really want is my mom. She always had a way of understanding (almost better than I did) what I was feeling and putting it into perspective for me. I think that's what mom's are the best for right?

I am not saying anyone on here can ever replace your mom, but if you ever feel the need to vent about anything I think this is a good place to do so. Everyone on here understands what you are feeling and can at least attempt to help.

I hope you feel better soon.

Maddy

Thanks Maddy, I just realized today is the 15th of May, that marks 4 months since Mom left. Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time today. On the 20th she would have turned 71...

Hi Melissa,

I understand. Strangely enough, today is also the 2 month anniversary of my mother's death. She died on March 15th. I was definitely more emotional today. My mother was only 54 and she died in a very sudden, tragic and senseless manner.

Your mother's birthday will be hard for you. Some of the best advice I was given was to recognize that certain dates are going to be harder and to do your best to prepare for them as best you can.

Maybe it is just the day..I've not really broken down and cried for a while now, but I did today.  I have my moms laptop and had to do an update and found a picture of her and I just broke down crying.  It's been about 14 months now and I've done really well, but that just took back to wanting to be able to hug her again.

I am having a sad day today. I was watching a television show that my mom used to watch also and we would always talk about it together. After the show was done I had this overwhelming urge to call her and talk about the show.....but I can't. It hurt alot.

Maddy-I feel that way whenever I read a book my mom would be interested in or see something on the news she would be interested in, so I know how you feel.

Yes it's just an awful feeling. I instinctively wanted to pick up the phone and talk to her about the latest plot development in the show.....and then it was like a kick to the stomach when a second later I remembered that I couldn't. I ended up in tears with my husband trying to comfort me by asking me to tell him the newest plot line. (Even though he doesn't watch the show.)

Dear Praxy,

My deepest Condolences to you and your family.  God Bless.

Mike

I hit 31 weeks pregnant today - 9 weeks or so to go. I am so excited to be a mom and meet my little boy. However....I am so sad that my mom won't be here to meet her first grandchild. I am torn apart inside thinking about it. And today I had the worst thought....my baby is due July 19th and I have this feeling he will come early because if he is like his mama he is impatient; and I just had this horrible thought today that what if he is born on the 15th (the 4 month anniversary of my mother's passing)?? If I go into labor around that date I am going to cross my legs really tight! I dread the 15th of every month - it's just a painful reminder.

You just never know when the grief will hit you.  Was in Boston today on business and went to Legal Seafoods for lunch.  Saw fried scallops on the menu---Mom's favorite--and it really got to me.  Silly, little stuff like that just eats at you.

Maddy--I'm due on July 1, and July 6 would be the 3 month anniversary of my mom's death. I don't think I'll be that overdue, but I wouldn't mind. I think I would welcome it, actually. The "coincidence" would be too great, and it would help me believe that she's still with me. So many people have told me that my mom will be there in spirit when my baby is born, and delivering on the 6th would help me believe it. But I understand where you're coming from, too.

Hi Amanda,

First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. Secondly, I would like to thank you for your different perspective - I never thought of it that way. It makes it a bit easier to handle.

Is this your first child? I haven't met another pregnant woman who has suffered the loss of a family member while being pregnant. I have to admit I am relieved to meet someone who can share my experience on a different level.

Thank you for responding. You have given me great comfort.

Today, my Mom would have been 71 years old.

She'd hate my telling you, but since you didn't know her, maybe it would be ok. She never liked people asking her age, thought it was rude. When I was a child, she'd tell anyone who asked, jokingly, that she was 25. Then, when I turned 25, I told her she couldn't be younger than me, that she couldn't be that age anymore.

On January,after the funeral, my Godmother came to me, and asked me ''So how old was your Mom?''. It was funny, my Mom had never told her even after all these years of knowing each other.

I think I'm going to buy Mom some flowers, and place them next to her ashes. I always bought a nice cake that we had together, don't know if I want to do that this year. It crossed my mind to get her a gift and all but then I wouldn't know what to do with it afterwards.

I would always call her in the morning from work to wish her a happy birthday. This year it won't be possible. At least I'm going to try to be a bit less sad since it's supposed to be a happy day.

Well, that would be all. Thanks for reading, I don't really have anyone to tell these things.

Today is a day of birthdays, I suppose! Today, my Mom would have been 58 years old. I would have given her a garden statue, like I do every year. She loved her garden!

It's been 45 days since I last spoke to her and last saw her play with my son, her only grandchild. The shock and disbelief at her sudden passing is, in many ways, just as strong. But the sadness gets deeper every day. I miss her so much.

Hi Amanda,

It must have been a terribly hard day for you. This past weekend was difficult for my father and I as well as the long weekend in May (in Canada) was always the weekend we all gardened together.

Memories are a funny thing I think. They can bring us great comfort or cause us great sorrow - or, they can do both at the same time. I hope you managed to find peace somehow this weekend.

Maddy

My 2nd cousin was pregant and lost her Mom (my cousin's wife)unexpectedly in December.  It's an awful hard thing to swallow during a time when you are excited about that new baby joining your family.  My family has had a few rough months, as she died on Dec 12 and my Mom exactly 2 months after that.  Happily, my cousin had a little girl last week and named it after her Mom.