Janet,

Sorry about you loss. It has been 4 years since I lose my wonderful Husband.The grief never goes away but just gets easier to bear. 

Cancer is the devil's disease, it took my husband, my nephew, my grandson, my sister-in-law and it now taking my wonderful friends. 

yep i no so

is dem/alz

29 years ago tonight I met a beautiful, young lady who would eventually be my wife and mother of our two sons. 

That beautiful lady was cruelly taken from me this past year by the ruthless monster called cancer. 

Kathy, I love you, I miss you, and my only wish is to be with you forever.

Sorry for your loss Paul. The 29th would have been our 44th Anniv.  We married young and have 3 kids.  Dales diagnosis and death were swift and brutal.  Also cancer.  He lasted 7 months and before that was healthy as a horse.  

Another year has gone by without my beloved Husband, Julian.

2018 just makes it closer to be with him.

Lost my wife of 17 years on dec 28,2017, been pretty hard after losing 3 months of battling cancer.  Feel so lonely. 

We are only 41 and wife was 36 and we have 4 young children

Ronald,

I am so sorry for your loss. Joining this group helped me make it through my first year of grief and I still follow after losing my wonderful Husband to cancer 5 years ago.

God Bless you.

That is very rough Ronald.  Your wife was so young.  Cancer doesn't care.  I pray you find strength in the beautiful children you have to remind you of the love you shared.  I'm very sorry.

Feeling like I’m broken inside, tomorrow is the service and scared I’m going to freak out,  all I ask is why, why, why????

My memorial for my Husband at the St. Augustine Lighthouse.

Linda, Beautiful sentiment on the stone path.  They really were and will be the wind beneath our wings.

Thanks Morgan they are side by side at the Lighthouse Entrance.

Completely lost. We were told my fiance was relocating closer to home to continue treatments (which never happened) and 2 weeks later he was gone. Its been 2 weeks wirhout him and i still cant function. He was only 42. How do I keep going on? 

CANCER IS THE DEVIL'S WORK.

I feel the heartbreaking loss of my mother more and more as each day passes by without her. It is still so hard to believe that she is gone and NOT coming back. She was first diagnosed with Esophogeal Cancer and won that battle. two years later she was diagnosed with Lung Cancer . She told me not to worry, she was gonna  beat this one too! 6 months later she passed away. I was fortunate to be there with her, as she left the hospital to be home with hospice care. I took a leave of absence as I wanted to spend whatever time she had left. I LOVED her so very, very much. She was not only my Mother, but my Best Friend! I am so lost without her!!! We were very close. We did everything together. I feel most grateful that we both had the opportunity to tell each other how much we loved each other.  Going on without her, is so hard for me right now. It is so hard to wake up and go on. I have no choice but to go to work to provide for myself,  but every day is a struggle. Only thing  i want to do is curl up in bed and block out the world. I cry every morning before work and every night before bed. I even find myself crying walking to work or in the ladies room.  People say in time you'll be okay but I do not know if I ever will. 

Dee Dee,

So sorry for loss, my husband died of cancer 5 years ago, time will ease the pain but she will forever be in your heart,

I lost my mum in November to metastatic lung cancer. Within a year of diagnosis she was gone.... I became her carer as it became harder for her. I feel like there was so much more I should have and could have done. I miss her so much and I dont know if  it will ever get easier....

My long time boyfriend died of stage 4 colon cancer back on February 23 of this year. It had spread to his liver. He died less than two months after his diagnosis which was December 30th,2017. Still heartbroken. I miss him so much. I will always love him. We were together for 18 years. Want to get over the pain but I hope in time that I will.

sorry for evrys loss esply 2 aner evil ilness wish desrtyss livess esply espelyy for its 1s its still hear 

dnt get on hear mush lk i usd 2 i dnt 

Hi Sharon, Taylah, & Jo,

We will never get over our loss, we just are trying to live through it.

Words from Willie Nelson's new song

Hi I am in the missing your Mom group too.  It’s been three long months, I know most of you have been on here a lot longer.  Wanted to try to connect with people here because where else can you find people who understand?  I tried to take care of her for four years.  I have enormous guilt and regrets like others.  She just turned seventy.  I am an only child, she was my best friend, and I always lived at home.  Besides missing her, and I think I still don’t fully realize what happened yet, I can’t bear how she suffered.  “Why” is all I can say over and over.  I would do anything to take her place or to go be with her.

I lost my mother to Stage 4 Gall Bladder Cancer on 15 May 2018. She survived 7 months after the diagnosis.

I lost my partner , my best friend , my sons daddy . He passed away on May 10th 2018 . I have never gone this long without talking to him. We had a bond like no other. A part of me has died. We found out in September that he has stage 4 colon cancer with a year left to live. Well he lived for 8 months . Now he is gone. He was my air. How am I supposed to continue breathing without my air? I miss you Ballz . That was his nickname from me. Because of his ballsy fiery attitude but he had the biggest heart. : (

I am sorry for your loss Valerie. I wish all the strength. He is still with you. 

Another morning waking with anxiety that feels like it is choking me. Missing my husband with an ache inside that I cannot explain. If only cancer didn't exist or there was a cure, my beloved would still be here.

Dear Geraldine,

Very sorry to hear that you are having another anxiety-filled day. Lately, I am having more of the depression attacks, with more frequency and more intensity. This living hell is just unbearable! When will this all end? 

Sending you vibes of comfort and prayers for your peace.

Hugs, Trina

On the topic of suicide, there are two reasons that I have not contemplated taking my own life. One of them is that I cannot allow myself to leave my loved ones to deal with the trauma and heartbreak if I were to commit suicide. In my opinion, it would be unconscionable to do so. And the other reason is that in my faith too, suicide would bar me from reuniting with Joseph. I simply CANNOT run that risk. It is already hell on earth for me, I don't want to jeopardize my afterlife, my eternal life with Joseph by taking my own life. I'll just have to be patient and live out this sorry existence to the end.

I am only too aware that a just and loving God would not punish His/Her creation by disallowing us reunion with our loved one/s in the afterlife, but if God were always just and loving, He/She would not subject us to the kind of spiritual and emotional torture that we-- members on this site--experience daily, and neither would there be war, poverty, famine, child mortality, and a disease like cancer. Therefore, I simply cannot run the risk of committing suicide and take away the possibility of meeting up with Joseph when I die. I can't wait for that day when I will join my beloved darling Joseph on the other side! Please God, let it come soon!

Linda, these simple words say it all. Love for our departed soulmate is what creates grief. Thanks for posting.

Trina,

I agree with your post, that I will not be reunited with my Husband

Julian if I take my own live and I would devastate my family.

All we can do is wait for our time to come, which I hope is soon.  

Hello everybody.  Roughly a year after my wife died of Bowel Cancer following a 22 year marriage, we married in 1992, my wife died in 2014, I decided to write an article to my local paper about grief from the left behind spouses point of view, whilst also playing tribute to my late wife, Pamela Ann Thompson.  I released before I started writing that I had to write my article in such a way as to not take away the fact that the person lying in the hospital bed was the real victim here.  This article came about because on visiting my wife, irrespective of other visitors, friends family ect, that may have been there also, just how lonely, isolated, and alone I felt as my wife's husband, and so I just knew I had to write to my local paper about how losing a wife or a husband affects those left behind.  Here is that article, with a picture of my late wife, and the little Yorkie on her lap remains with me.  

tomorrow September 14th 2018 will be three years since I lost my husband and I feel just as lost and broken as I did the day he left I miss him so much life is so empty without him no amount of time will ever ease the heartbreak I feel every day I still cry myself to sleep every night I am alone and I just don't understand why I'm still here as more time goes by the more I don't want to be here  

I am new to this. I lost my dad June 7 2018 to lung cancer and my fiancé on Aug. 6. 2018 to colon cancer. I was caretaker to both and now I can’t stand being in my own skin. I have the panic feelings when I am alone. So I have been self destructive. John , my fiancé, was not a drinker so I rarely drank, now I am drunk every night, I have been sleeping with his best friend and I am just a mess. I miss them both so much but John was my true soulmate. Did anyone else go down this road? How do you get out of it. Everyone tells me I m the strongest person they know, I don’t feel it right now. I can’t get myself to just feel. I have no clue who I am because the last 6 years was all about John. 

Hi Pamela,

So sorry about the lost of your Husband, it has been 5 years and to be truthful things are not any better. We were very close, he was my rock, now I am nothing.

Hi Everyone,

This Friday 21st September will be our 27th wedding anniversary. It is my first without my husband and I've noticed my anxiety peaking and I'm back to waking every hour. Has anyone got any advice of how to cope with all the firsts? I'm trying to do one day at a time but struggling with thoughts of Christmas and his birthday.

I miss him with such a heaviness and longing in my heart that I am unable to breathe when I cry now. I feel grief is taking me backwards where I'm questioning, bargaining and reverting to being angry again. Still questioning my purpose, why him and not me.

Hi Marilea,

So sorry for loss. It has been almost 6 years since I lost my Husband, I still think of him everyday. I will be honest with you and tell my grief is always with me. Time doesn't take the grief away but I am able to not function like a zombie anymore. Pray for the best for you.

Hi everyone, I cannot believe how fast time flies.  I lost my wife to bowel cancer in 2014, we were married 22 years.  I miss our rapport.  I miss the subtleties that come with marriage.  The interaction.  The stability.  I am a widower.  I feel lost.   I am empty.  I am desperately searching for answers to make some kind of sense of it all.   I realise anybody reading this will relate.  I look forward to all responses.

Hi Michael

I can relate to everything you said. Lost my Husband to colon cancer in 2013 and have never been the same. I am half a person just wandering lost in this world. 

I think I can only add to this conversation by saying I am feeling so worn out.  So tired.  I have only enough energy everyday to do what I HAVE to do and find no joy in any any of it.  I guess you could say I am living in the past but the way I look at it is that I want to join my husband and he no longer lives here.  Am I busy?  Constantly.  Do I have longer periods without the excruciating meltdowns that have compromised my immune system?  Yes.  Does it matter?  No, none of it.
Why?  Because I cant live pretending that this reality is somehow fulfilling.  I had what I wanted.  I no longer need what is presented to me.  
I feel forced to continue living.  I am caring for a good friend to bring him back from the brink...I have restored three of four houses I bought doing so much with so little by being super creative.  But for what?  So i can pay bills.  Making money to pay bills.......when I used to do that I found a sense of self satisfaction, of challenge, joy, sharing with my husband every victory in turning trash to treasure.  Now I am empty.  No other reason to do this other than paying bills.
I don't really see an end to this futility of trying to rebuild the person who will find reason to live a full, happy life.  I have tried all the ways I know how and without my beloved I am not seeing any purpose.  Just tired of moving through space without him.

Hi everyone, Well ive read all the responses and can relate to everyone of them.   Till' death you do part" was spoken by the clergy when I married my lovely wife in 1992, and we expected it to go on forever, we do lets be honest, but the other saying, "we never know what's round the corner", aint that the freekin' truth.   I feel half a person, half a man, lost, and alone.  There is no pleasure in anything anymore, if there's anything to be learned, it's not to take anything for granted, no matter how rocky a marriage might be, its the priceless togetherness of two people sharing life's problems, its an adventure.  When its gone, there is no going back, your on your own for the rest of your life.....When you lose your husband or your wife, your world changes because your situation has changed.  Nobody knows what to say to you, friends think everything is okay because you seem okay, but inside your not okay..Its a hellova lesson for them, when it happens to them.

I think im the only person on this site in the UK, im an English man.  My wife and I were married 22 years, and I dont know how to start again, because im a positive person in a negative situation.  A year after my wife died, I wrote an article to my local paper about cancer from the left behind spouses point of view and paid a tribute to my wife.  If anybody would like to read it, please email me at the following address, and I will send it as an email attachment.  michaelthompson533@btinternet.com

Sincerely

Michael Thompson   

When I married for the first time in 1992 to a most beautiful lady, this was my proud day, I felt a whole person with this beautiful lady by my side.

We had 22 years together, but she died of bowel cancer in 2014, she suffered for 11 months,

Now im alone, but always very much a loner, as she was, when we met in 1991, it was instant chemistry, but now grief and stress remain taking their toll. I am in a survival mode.

I look for reasons why this beautiful lady was taken from me, knowing people are enduring the same across the western world.

Death is part of life they tell me, so if death is part of life, what are we to learn from it.?

Are we to learn that our loved one, our best friend, our rock has indeed gone to a better place ?, another place ?, or are we to learn that there is nothing after life but eternal darkness, like a long sleep.?

I'm a thinking man, and trying to get my head round that life is a journey, not a destination....

I am trying really hard to feel better in myself as a man, I am told by older ladies that I meet who are in my situation, that women cope better than men.

But I do know that the suicide rate among men who lose their wives is far greater than it is among woman.

I am living the life of a recluse now, I have always been the quiet type, unless angered, I do wear my heart on my sleeve, my wife didnt, she was quiet charming and serine.

Hi Michael,

I don't think women cope any better then men and I am living proof.  Each day I wake up and I am looking at another day in Hell. I still go through this world without any meaning except for my sweet dog Babie J. Now I am going through the same thing I did with My Husband, watching this sweet girl slowly die and again I will have to deal with another grief again. I know death is a part of life but I as a person can't deal with it and never will. 

sum 1 i no big c spreed to her iv new ths lady sinsess i wz 8 im 44 now

i ask why sush a sweet lovin person its 

hi Michael I agree with all that you said it has been a little over three years since I lost my mom 9-6-15 and then the love of my life my husband on9-14-15 and I am as lost as ever we were married in august of1992 I miss him every day

Hi everybody, check this out.  https://www.devonlife.co.uk/people/christmas-message-from-reader-1-...