Wishing everyone some peace and blessings today. One thing I am grateful for -  that we are all so very fortunate to have had the beautiful souls who are our children, in our lives for how ever long we had them. Although the pain is so very hard to endure, it is better than to never have had them at all. Their spirits will be with us today and forever more. Happy Thanksgiving in heaven to my sweet angel Daniel and to all of your special angels as well. I hold you all in my heart and am sending you lots of love and hope.

I hope everyone was able to find some peace today. 

I'm thankful for all the love and support that I receive from my family and friends and I'm forever grateful for the friends I have here that have given me the support to keep going and fighting to find a happier day.  

Just not the same without my Michael, but for him I will find a new way to have holidays again.    Somehow I will live again.

LOVE TO ALL!

Nadin, am withyou in this awful time, impossible to go through yet thats what is to be done. Connie,  Mary Chris, Teresa, Michelle, Dolly and all my dearest friends, am with you .... always... its so damn painfu' and I am rt now in Eugene for a Vedanta retreat.... it helps to just get away.... I had a thought this afternoon that we are all in so much pain, but "I do not enjoy tbis pain, ssso I will get on top of the pain and wont let it get on top of me" by that I mean we will overcome this at any cost....like Connie said, we have been blessed with our precious darlings and that blessing continues, maybe the greatest gift our children have blessed us with in this  journey of life is thatthrough all this would be that we find ourselves ....?

Hello my friends. Daniel passed on Dec.1 but me me is is always that Saturday. So this is a tough day for me. But I wanted share the video of the song I wrote for Daniel, Whispers of the Angels, that I shared with you before. It incorporates videos he made with his emazing light gloves to Electronic Dance Music. He was so creative and talented. I felt he wrote the song with me and wanted to share some of his creative work as well. At some points you can see his face come through the light show.

Here's the Youtube link: https://youtu.be/IgxQhNF89yc

sorry - I messed something up and had to remove the video from Youtube. I will post a new link later. Hugs to everyone

Well let's try this again. Here's the link (I think!!)

https://youtu.be/khcnWtqCuCc

Jill I guess I didn't realize that we lost our sons on Dec.1 The first year is so crazy hard. I am so sorry you lost the bracelet. First of all, it may turn up. I have had similar experiences where I lost or broke something very meaningful to me. I wore one of Daniel's rubber bracelets everyday for the first year. One day it broke. I cried and cried. I decided to put it around a beautiful bottle on my dresser so I can see it all the time still. Maybe you can do something like that with yours. Or wear it if it makes you feel close to him. Little by little I have been able to part with things. The most important thing you can never lose - the love you two have for each other. I will light  a candle for Josh on Tuesday. And if you ask me, it was Josh telling you that he's ok. he still lives on in a different form. I have to believe that. And you're right, crying sucks, it all sucks.

Hugs to you. And everyone here.

Connie thank you for sharing your song with us again.  It is absolutely beautiful. 

Things are hard.  To some it is just a bracelet but to you it's your son.

I just did the same thing Connie. Michael lived on his own so I had to make fast choices because I couldn't bring his apartment home with me.  What I did bring home I put away as if he was coming back to get them.  His jackets hung in the coat closet, his shirts in my closet and etc....  Just recently I gathered everything and went through it again.  I couldn't pull myself to part with any of it so I packed it up leaving some items where they were.  His work boots are on my dresser will they will stay.  As crazy as it sounds I need to smell them now and then. 

Everything for me is a process now. 

I still have Brandon's bed made up, his toys under it in a box, clothing in his closet... its still his room... I leave the lights on in there... all the time.. little LED lights ... I miss him more every second... its like a hole that has no end.. and nothing will ever fill it up

Bo wears alot of Brandon's clothes and so do I.. I wear his T shirts mostly and they feell like a hug......

Connie

Thank you for sharing your beautiful song....

Connie, I too had a rubber wristlet from my son. It was odd though since he would never had worn such an item. I found 2 of them in his college folder both new and never worn. They both say "Strength" and were in light blue and white -- colors of heaven. I still wear the one and understand that connection.

We have changed very little in the inside of my son's house which we still have. It is like going back 3 years in time stepping inside.

This is the fifth holiday season that I have had without Zach. It is still so hard to believe. The first of every thing without your child, especially a holiday, is so very hard. In a way it is even harder now because now I am no longer numb and I can't fool myself into believing that he is just away hanging out with his friends. Zach's birthday is coming up, December 16th, he would have been 28 this year (he died at 23). My heart breaks for all of us. It is so unfair.

The first year and some still some days now, I sleep with an old pair of Zach's short. It helps me to be able to hug something of his close to me. My husband and I didn't even attempt to go through his things for a long time. His truck stayed in our driveway for three years, it didn't even run but we just couldn't part with it. There is no right way or wrong way to this thing called grief, you just do the best you can one second at a time. Some seconds are better than others.

Connie thank you so much for sharing your song, its beautiful!

Hugs and prayers to all.

Jill - I'll light a candle in the 7th!!!

Connie

Thinking of you today.

xxoo

Connie, you are in my thoughts, heart and prayers.

special hugs to jill and connie today....

Thanks for your support everyone. Very few family members showed any at all.

Thinking of you Connie.  Your song is a beautiful tribute to Daniel.

I think our families start to move on in their own way.  Sometimes I think they are scared to bring up the subject without realizing the best gift they could give us is a conversation about our son or daughter.

I'm not the best photographer as you can see, but I wanted to share this tree with everyone.  Since Michael left (9/14/13) I have not had any holidays. No decorations or shopping, just can't.  The lights on this tree represents our kids.  May each of them shine bright. 

It's just a tree outside with white lights but it means so much more to me.  It's also my first step towards finding a new way to participate in Christmas again. 

oh teresa... its NOT just a tree... I KNOW they can see those lights all the way into heaven... and they are rejoicing.. because they see ... heaven must be so full of lights... all kinds of lights... rainbows.... sparkling star lights... soft glowing lights.... bright brilliant lights.... gold shimmering lights.... I can't wait to get there...

Thank you Teresa-it's beautiful. I find that just decorating with lights, candles and berries is all I need. Your tree is perfect - I know all our angels will see those shining lights <3

It just hurts that my sister couldn't even send a text saying "thinking of you" or anything. She thinks that's not what Daniel would want so get over it and get on with my life.....losing these relationships too is just so hard. I feel more isolated every day

Jane - sending you hugs and lots of love today. I will light a candle for your angel. I hope her memorial was beautiful.

Jill you don't have to apologize. HUGS

Yes no need to apologize Jill. We get it. And we know it's important to get it off your chest. I can't even deal with Christmas. I haven't made a list. I did but 3 gifts cards. I just am numb. It is so hard to be a part of this "joyous" season.

Thank you Connie.

Yesterday marked my third year without Danielle.

As you know, it's all just so sad......

Teresa

Thank you for the light I chose for Danielle!

Hello Dolly

It's good to hear from you again.