Jill - my moments are when I imagine his head hitting that steel beam and being trapped in that twisted car. My solace is that I do believe he died instantly. All of our circumstances are so tragic and traumatic. We have to give ourselves credit for getting through each day - with a little help from our friends here!

Rj, I never drank more than wine with friends. Never at home alone. Since my son died, I've been having a glass of something at night... just one, but I know I shouldn't because I take the Xanax to sleep. I think we have to do what we have to do to survive the moment. If you need a drink, go for it. Moderation is the key. '

Connie, so awful. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son.  I have flashbacks too of finding my son dead.  I'm looking into EMDR. I really believe that we have PTSD.  What we have been through is truly traumatic!

With Mother's day approaching, pain is horrible. I had a day off today and spent it crying.

Yes RJ, I wished we all lived in the same city too.

RJ don't beat yourself up.... just be careful... some people take meds to help, and some of us use alcohol .. I do limit myself but on a really bad day I may not limit my self as much... I'm sick of judgmental people telling us what we should and shouldn't be doing... hateful people... just be careful and try not to hurt yourself ...

Oh how i understand -I have a a couple of cocktails every night. It's  bad habit to have gotten into. But honestly, it gives me some relief for a short time. It just sucks trying to live through this. I want to try to schedule something during that "happy hour" time because by then I am lonely (my hubby doesn't get home til 8pm) and exhausted from "doing' all the things I need to do in life to feel like I am functioning. But I can't even get the energy to keep scheduling and keep doing. We all try to do the best we can today. Hugs

I'm new to this group but I've been reading the posts about how very hard Mother, and then Fathers, day is.  I find that the few weeks prior to it I get increasingly emotional and anxious.  What do 'you' do to get through it?

This will be my fifth year without Lesly and it seems that each year intensifies the loss around mothers day.  I just haven't figured out anything that helps ease the sadness around this day.  She was our only child

Katherine,

This is my first Mother's Day without my beloved son Troy.  He was 24, my baby.  I don't think we will ever not be sad. We have lost part of us, part of our future... it's as if a piece of our heart has been yanked out.  Nothing will ever be able to fill that hole.

I read in your profile that you are a nurse. I am too.  Sadly, we have a few things in common. Hope you find a little peace this Sunday.

Sharon

Troy's mom

I agree Sharon, part of us is gone and it always will be.  I feel broken and will never be ok.  Mothers Day coming up is unbearable.  Also my Randys birthday would be this month, he missed so much, a car, a girlfriend, college.  I am lost without him.  I try to block out the painful thoughts, they just hurt so damn much.  He was so happy when he was growing up, I will never understand why he would turn to drugs, I torture myself thinking about why and I will never know. Hugs to everybody.

Mother's Day! They say, "Embrace it", but I ask, "How?"

No matter what, we are all still Mom's.  That's a love and a bond that nothing can take, not even this.

For me I pulled out every Mother's Day card Michael ever gave me and I displayed them.  I read and re-read them because I know Michael each year looked for the right words.  Sunday I will be proud to tell anyone who will listen that I am the proud mother of the worlds greatest son, Michael Cristo Dimitri III. 

Mommy loves you Mike, I will never stop and you will always be my little Smurf!!!!!!!!!

I hope everyone one of you can find some peace on Mother's Day!

Rj depends .. I adopted my first at about age 40 but they told me I would only be able to adopt either a disabled child or a minority... so I adopted a disabled mexican american baby who was 18 mo old.. he is still with us and is going on 31... we adopted Brandon who was African American when he was about 4 and I was about 53... he died in 2013 at age 21... he was also disabled... we adopted our daughter when I was about 50.. she wasn't disabled but later developed emotional issues... she is African American too.. and is now 35.. so it depends upon who you can accept and how old you are at least that's part of it... I never regretted adopting my kids ... I have one natural son by my first husband who is now 50 and I love all my kids the same... I've been thinking about taking a disabled foster child if my husband's health issues ever stabilize fully.... but I'm pretty old for all of that myself... I will be 72 in July... hard to believe...

My oldest son sent me two beautiful arrangements of flowers and I got to talk to my daughter on facebook... and my husband made me bran muffins for breakfast... Brandon is sorely missed as always, but I feel him around me today... we will play some of the music he loved today.. that always makes me feel almost like I am already in heaven playing along with a heavenly band... I hope all of you have something happen today to bring your loved one close to you ... so you can each feel their love and know they ARE alive and not as far away as we are sometimes prone to think.... after all we ARE watched by a 'great cloud of witnesses' ... maybe they are in that cloud of witnesses that watches over us....

just wonderful.. the colors are amazing... they glow... my daughter and I talked on Facebook too.. and my oldest son and his two kids... all called... we played some music like we like to do.. we feel Brandon close those times.. and Bo played his drums app.. and we watched the first two episodes of the new comedy on Netflix... I'm not sure what I think of it yet... Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda and a couple of guys ... two couples... well I ramble... the day is almost over.... making supper soon... seems surreal ..... some days just throw me into a sort of daydreamy kind of detachment... like I function in and around everybody but its almost like I'm watching it happen like a spectator at the same time.. tuned out I guess... but I can still function and get what needs doing done.... hugs to you all...

I really just miss Lesly.  I've done well all day and then, as usual, it hits hard I  the evening when I don't have anything I can do to distract myself.  tears and sadness.  I will be glad for the morning because I know this dark place always passes.  but for now I am just really sad.  mother's day or not.

I tried to be happy on mother's day... my second without Brandon.. its so close to the day in May when he died that the time is doubly hard... my oldest son, his kids, and my husband and middle son Bo all helped me through the day.. but its still the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my life... only losing my two granddaughters really comes close .. that was terrible too... still is... for a long time after my granddaughters died I carried baby dolls around and bought doll after doll and baby clothes.. Isabella was my first granddaughter and Lulu my third... thank God my middle granddaughter came along and my grandson..  I don't think anyone can understand the horrible pain of losing a child unless they lose a child... no other loss is like it... I think losing your soul mate must be at least as hard as losing your child, but thank God I haven't had to find that out... losing my mom and dad was very hard, but not THIS hard......... sorry mom and dad.... I keep trying to convince myself its getting easier but truly I just don't think it does.. I think we just come up with ways to face it with less gut wrenching heartbreaking anguish after time... otherwise ...

Dolly I think your right. I don't think it gets easier either.  I think just like you said we find ways to face it.

I think this is why as time moves on some of us become more quite. We see new people coming in the room and we want to tell them it gets better but we can't so we say nothing.

I know in the beginning many would say, "you'll learn to manage it" I couldn't understand that but I am learning to do it now.  It doesn't make the pain any less it just makes it more private.

yes Teresa I think so too... although I never know what it will be that will break through the shell and make me spill out all over the place again... like one day we were watching a movie and the song came on 'The Shadow of Your Smile'....and it just broke me apart...

Hello to everyone.  It has been awhile since I have commented and I hesitated to do so today.  I don't have anything specific to say except I do think of you every day and I thought of you all day on Mother's day.  This was my 5th and it was both good and sad.  I felt almost normal as my daughters finally have accepted that I'm not going to ever be who I was completely and they just filled me with love while we were together.  Later, my husband and I left for some time away at the shore (beach).  It's early in the season for beach going but it's beautiful here and quiet without the summer crowds.  So this has been the best Mother's day week so far even though my son is still in my thoughts throughout each day.  I pray those that have been here longer had moments of happiness and those that are just beginning this journey I can only send prayers.  We know how hard this is for you.  Take care of yourselves.  Sending love and blessings to all. 

Jill E... do you ever go to the "After Death Experiences" section of this site? I recently posted a short summary of some of the many things that have happened since Brandon died that make me feel that we are always near each other in some way on some plane of existence... I don't ask for signs but I still see them... not as many lately as I saw and felt at first right after he died, but usually around those days we all find hard.. birthdays, the day they left, Christmas and so forth... there are those who tell me its not of God but I don't believe them.. after all, if we believe in God the Bible tells us that God is always with us, and it tells us that "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" .. so If God is with me, and Brandon is with God, how can Brandon not be with me too?  Anybody got any thoughts on that?

So often since Brandon died we have had strange experiences with electronics... like we would try to play music and suddenly the speakers wouldn't work, or my husband's horn wouldn't make a single sound, or some other thing... and then later VOILA everything worked... Brandon was always all about music and loved it when we played... sometimes I think he is just letting us know he is still involved somehow...

I LOVE THE SEAT BELT STORY..... LOVE LOVE LOVE

can you imagine? sitting right there beside you... but you didn't know it... so he made sure you knew it.....

Dolly I love to hear of all your experiences, I don't feel I am having any and I want them so much.  My babys birthday is next week and I am falling apart, I don't know how to cope with this, I am crying all the time and feel like my heart is being ripped out of my body, last year he was 18, beautiful, clean and sober, I cant believe this painful life I am living now

Me too Rj, I miss him so much and want him back so much, it's almost 7 months and I feel worse now then a month ago, nobody knows what to say, nobody knows except us how painful and awful this feels.

many people tell me the things that have happened are just wishful thinking, or I'm lying or they are from the devil or that I'm hallucinating.. but I know better... so just keep your eyes and ears open.. expect the unexpected... ask God to send you dreams of your loved one.. that is safe enough... or ask God to show you somehow that your loved one is with Him and still alive and more well than they ever were before... I pray He will allow you that peace too...