Me either. I'm traveling that day, so I will be occupied.

There's nowhere that far...

Im debating if I should go to a medium. I've had many mothers tell me that they are comforted by what the mediums have said.  Has anyone here been to one?

Sheri,

I know how that is. People say things to us that are hurtful and mean. Same thing happened to me at work yesterday. A co-worker said to me that I was "quiet and here and work, but not here".  Duhh... you think? My son died a little over 2 months ago, and my father just died 2 weeks ago!!! I am doing everything I can just to say sane, and not crack! I hear what you're saying Sheri. People just don't get it. They have no clue what pain we are in.

You might be interested in the Forever Family Foundation that uses certified mediums. This organization is geared more towards child loss.

http://www.foreverfamilyfoundation.org/

Thank you for the link Laurie. I will look into it.

I just had someone tell me I was feeling self pity when I expressed some of my feelings about losing my son... I was trying to start a group similar to this one on another site.. a new Christian site.. and I was sharing some of the stories about my son.. how we found him in an adoption book, and some of the experiences we had with him, and some of the feelings of despair I had losing him.. and I got someone saying I made someone who had lost her husband feel worse, and that I was expressing self pity... so it just threw me for a loop.. I didn't think any of my motives were driven by self pity... but maybe they are... but you know what.. I'm too beaten down and beaten up to care...

Dolly, you know without the experience they just have no clue.  I think you have demonstrated strength.  You can tell me all your stories about Brandon and I will listen to every word even when you start to repeat yourself.

You have to toughen up to those comments. You have to know without the loss they have no clue about the level of this grief. "wasn't that 2 years ago?" "Aren't you over that by now?" Comments like these will be thrown at you all the time.  As hurtful as they are you have to just learn to shut your ears and walk away. 

Sharon, sad to say but it happens to us all. Some friends you won't hear from as much and some will just stop calling.  They all have different reasons.  Some can't face us because they are scared to be us. And reality is we are not who we were prior to our kid leaving. Some will stand by us while our lives change and some will leave not being able to understand that we are changing and not out of choice.

I don't care anymore what people say because I know I am trying really hard to get to a better place.  I also learned at this point that progress is a very slow process.   

Oh my Jill... oh please hang on ... Derek needs you... the pain is so bad sometimes we just want it to all STOP... be OVER.... but he is the JOY in your life... Derek is the JOY and he needs you... hang onto that.. help him find a way past what he is going through now... maybe he WON'T lose the job... I am praying he won't GOD...please God... this is so hard God... help us please...

I've often heard people say suicide is selfish but I don't agree.. I think its just something people say that have never really felt totally hopeless and alone to the point where no hope seems possible... when someone says its 'selfish' I think its sort of like people who haven't lost a child tell us how we should be reacting to losing OURS... but I don't think suicide is a good solution because it's usually done in a state of desperation when we can't think beyond the pain.. pain which will pass to some extent if we just hold on..and then we can rethink and replan.. its not easy... to fight your way back to wanting not to die... I won't even say to want to LIVE... that comes later.. just to want not to DIE ... at that moment... also we all sin constantly.. even if we just think we don't sin.. that's a sin... that argument never makes any difference to someone so low they want to die... I even wonder about it in terms of God.. because it says there is a time appointed for each to die.... a time appointed by God... so I wonder if a suicide would even succeed if it wasn't 'time' to die.. but I would never want to find out the hard way.. that suicide was 'that sin' that would not be covered by the blood of Jesus... but please don't put guilt in the mix.. please don't tell suicidal people they are just selfish.... its so far from what they are... they are often self haters at that point...

Thank You God!! please God make it so there is no 'probation' stipulation and give Derek the support he needs to do his job to the fullest and in such a way that will bring PRAISE and not disappointment in any way... and thank You for all the wonderful ways You remind us that our loved ones are NOT dead but are fully alive for the first time ever.... and let us learn to live here on earth with some JOY and peace until we're all together again.. amen

That's great Jill. by the way, I am a graphic designer and use Indesign. If you ever need a quick answer send me a text!! But I think it's a great idea to get some instruction on that program and  before you know it he will be a whiz and have a great skill that is used by most professional graphics companies. Having a one on one class will be the best thing for him and it won't take that much time to learn it. Peace to everyone today

I don't want to add to your pain Sheri, but i think the idea that people that commit suicide are 'selfish' is just the 'party line' so to speak.. ask people who have survived suicide attempts how they feel... not the people left behind who are after all still alive and NOT suicidal.... its the same thing.. unless you have been at the point of suicide yourself, or have made an attempt, you don't know how totally bereft that person has to be to get to that point.. to call them selfish is just a way to divert the blame to the one who can no longer defend themselves.. and probably wouldn't even TRY to defend themselves if they could because they are so totally unable to function emotionally.. if the people left behind are devastated, think how much more devastated someone has to be to get to the point where they can't stand to live anymore... don't just say they are selfish... just like you wouldn't tell a mourning parent that they should 'just get on with your life' .. if you haven't been suicidal or made an attempt at suicide do NOT judge what those people go through..

as for whether or not its a sin... what difference does that make? We all sin and come up short.. every day in some small way.. or BIG way.. even if its only to think a bad thought about someone else.. that is in God's eyes a sin.. just the THOUGHT of commiting a sin can be the same as doing it .. because you have done it in your mind... Matthew 5 : 21-28  says this. And because of this we all need the forgiveness for sin regardless of when we sin and what sin it is... none of us will die without ever sinning again.. does it matter if its at the point of death that we sin as opposed to a minute before or a year before we die? That is a question I can't know the answer to for sure... but if Christ died for ALL sins.. which sins don't 'qualify' for that covering?

I do know that God doesn't WANT to condemn anyone.. and gives us every possible chance to repent... like the thief on the cross next to Jesus... and He loves the 'brokenhearted' which must certainly include those desperate enough to contemplate or commit suicide... so I don't know... when does the 'forgiving' part stop happening... is it too late for someone who commits suicide... and then there's the part that says we have a time to die... so if its not our time to die would suicide be possible? I don't know these things... but I do know that God loves those who are looked upon as 'less' in this world.. both my sons have/had severe CP and I have worked with others with that condition as well... it is an extremely difficult life for them... that's all I know...

hugs back Rj.... big ones

I also spoke to a medium who I connected through the prayer registry for parents who have lost a child. Her name is Susan Sanderford and her web site is susansanderson.com. She is a remarkable medium. Whenever I fall down in the pit I replay my reading and once again know Kyra is with me and I will see her again. My husband is getting better since having a triple hernia operation on the 6th. I just want our lives to go through a trauma-free period. Love to everyone here I don't think I would have survived without this group. 

I also spoke to a medium who I connected through the prayer registry for parents who have lost a child. Her name is Susan Sanderford and her web site is susansanderson.com. She is a remarkable medium. Whenever I fall down in the pit I replay my reading and once again know Kyra is with me and I will see her again. My husband is getting better since having a triple hernia operation on the 6th. I just want our lives to go through a trauma-free period. Love to everyone here I don't think I would have survived without this group. 

Hello - I'm sitting here at 10PM missing the heck out of my only child Michael.  How could this be happening?  It still so hard to grasp that I won't see, hear or touch my boy in this life again.  There are times (so many) that I just want to be with him.  I know not to act on it but the yearning to be with him is so very intense.

I'm grateful to have such brave and honest people to share my sadness with.  Peace and hugs to you.

Rj and Connie - hope you are getting through the days and nights with peaceful and loving thoughts of your precious children.

I kept smelling lilies off and on yesterday... I have been going into an online church for about a month... its new.. and the pastor of it emailed me to tell me I had to stop posting things I was saying about/to my son in the group and said I was just being full of self pity and should move on , and then he said talking to the dead was almost like a seance...so now once again I am being rebuked by a 'church' ..as I was trying to answer him I smelled lilies... so does that mean Brandon was somehow comforting me... or were the demons doing that.. can demons even make you smell something? I don't know anything anymore... I don't use mediums or ask for signs, but they seem to come anyway... I got so upset with that pastor.. I thought to tell me my grief was 'self pity' was just mean to the max..

Dolly that is awful and cruel.  Brandon was there comforting you with the fragrance of the lillies. There are no demons, just narrow-minded fearful humans like the online pastor you talked to. Grief is in no way self-pity. I am so sorry and angry that you were told what you are feeling is wrong and to move on. This pastor sounds like a charlatan.  Much love and kindness to everyone here.

Strangely enough I think he has lost a child himself... maybe he hasn't been able to resolve his own grief issues.. It just smacked me hard about the 'self pity'... and also he told me I should join the group for 'depression and anxiety' which was mainly dealing with clinical depression as far as I could see..I told him I don't think I'm clinically depressed.. I think my depression or sadness as I call it is not a mental illness.. its a real emotional state brought on by real events that have shattered my life and I will never be able to get PAST it.. or THROUGH it... I will hopefullly be able to find some peace and learn to be happy somehow with my life, but never will I get OVER losing my son.. I think maybe he had a rethink after that because he emailed me not to worry about the 'self pity' comment anymore.. but then went on to warn me about the 'talking to the dead' thing...

It seems so natural to talk to Brandon.. I'm not trying to get him to do anything for me.. I forgot that the pastor didn't call it talking to the dead.. he called it praying to the dead.. I asked him if there is a difference.. and asked him who are the dead... our loved ones are still alive.. but he didn't answer anything about that... it seems like one of the few comforts I have.. talking to and about Brandon .. can only happen in HERE with any understanding from others.. thank GOD for this place and all of you dear ones who know exactly how I feel and never seem to clobber me ... we don't always all agree about everything but at least we try to understand and be kind... the world out there mostly doesn't...

DANG.. I think Sheri has disappeared.. I hope I didn't cause that by coming down on that old saying about the suicidal being selfish and all.. its just that I hate to hear that said.. it just reinforces the suicidal person's conviction that they really ARE worthless and better off dead.. and who does it help ? Nobody really knows how God handles suicide.. or any sin really.... could he possibly forgive a mass murderer who repents and not a poor destroyed person who commits suicide? That doesn't seem like the God of love to me.. but then I am no Bible scholar.. anyway I'm sad if I chased her off... I do have a big mouth ...

Rj I met a woman today who just lost her son about 5 weeks ago.  I was asked by my therapist if I would reach out to her since we both live in the same area.  It was difficult yet I felt strong speaking with her.  I was actually able to see that I've made some progress in my own grief.  NEVER would I want to go back to the beginning when it first happened, yet there are so many who are in that horrible place of initial grief.  It was helpful for both of us and we plan on meeting again.  My heart really went out to her - I know where she's coming from and what she has to go through.  It's all so sad and heartbreaking.  Rj is it alright if I message you?  Hugs and peace