Dolly.. I am so happy your husband's PSA numbers are going down.  I am sure your stress over his health was very much adding to your stress. Teresa.. Michael only wants you to be loved and comforted. I too have been reading a lot of books on the afterlife and I know in my heart Kyra is with me.  When I talked to a medium he validated a couple of thoughts that told me she is in the white light, He said she doesn't want me to be so unhappy and to celebrate her life.  I am trying but I know I have to go through intense grieving to get to that point.  I have a picture of Kyra in her baptisim dress and bonnet on my nightstand and I have to believe god is with her and all our children and families.  It has only been 9 weeks since her death so some days I want to curl up and stay in bed, but I get up because she would want me to.  Even if I can just rake the leaves from my garden.  I pray that I will eventually not feel so raw most of day and

my pain for her physical lose will ease and all the good memories will soothe me but I am not there yet.

Today my friends i find my self angry so very angry.  Why i don't know.

My emotion have taken a wicked turn in the last few weeks.  My b-day is Oct 29 and this start all my family's b-days in the next 3 months.

Then the holidays are in there.  I don't know how I'm going to get thru this.  Nov the 1st will be the 6 month of Matthew passing I cry all the time.  I don't want to be here I'm tired and in such pain that the days are to long.  I miss him so much that my heart breaks each time I got start my day why because the horror of him being gone for us start all over again. To the new people whom have just began your     journey are the one whom had a few years behind you, i pray you find a way to cope.  As yet I haven't find it.   I'm lost because 6 months ago i was a mom now that been tore away from me.  So

I thank this group for listening  seem your the only one whom wants to speak of him as if he never was here.  So yes I a angry person today.  Plus other emotions in there I don't know what they are i've never felt them before.  Hugs Judy

Any positive reports are always good to read.  I am happy for you and your husband Dolly that you received good news on his PSA count.  And you are probably right about the added stress causing you more emotional intensity.  I think this is what leads to my severe relapses as well.  We have also had extra situations going on here.  Even today our granddaughter had to taken to the hospital.  She's been very sick since last Saturday and the results came in today that she has E. coli.  Just one more stress trigger.

Lynn, all I can say is that my heart goes out to you.  You are so fresh in the stages.  I know you must be all over the place with your emotions.  I wish there was a way to fast forward through this, but it's a lifelong adjustment and you just need to go as you are able.  We all need to find what can to help us along and each of us may find a different path.  It's okay.  Whatever helps/works  is what we need to follow.

Theresa, I think you know that whenever you do set a date and have the ceremony you will still cry.  If it's next week, next year, or 5 years down the road.  Don't be pressured by others, but go with your heart.

Judy, you are also fresh.  You are having to experience the first of each holiday without Matthew and the firsts are so hard.  Try not to think ahead to all that is coming up and just get through one at a time.

Anne, Vasanthi, Adrianne, Jane, Michelle, Connie, Merry, Dawn, Grace &  both Karens my heart is with each one of you also, along with my prayers.

I hope I have remembered everyone.  I care about you all.  (((((GroupHugs)))))

Teresa, as far as the marriage thing goes, just follow your heart, and give your heart some time. You'll know when the time is right!  Peace, and love to all!

Please don't look to hard for the answers. For on this earth they just cannot be found. For the answers only lie, deep with his arms, deep within our fathers(in heaven) loving arms!

There are lots of reasons for hope. Hope that one day you will hold your child in your arms. Hope that some day the pain will get less, and the hope that the day will come when you will once again feel the love, and joy again. We will never be the same. Our childrens deaths will always be a part of our lives, but someday the good memories will out weigh the bad. The only alternative to hope is despair.

Anne, I believe you are right.  We need to have hope.

God bless!

When you begin to want hope it will be there waiting for you. Just wanting it is the first step towards getting it. When your ready to hope, and dream once more it will happen.

We all have hope inside of us, I hope that my daughter is in peaceful loving space with her family and friends who have also past.  I hope for happier days for her grieving and family here on earth.  I hope for a kinder world. Hope is separate from grief, you can have both feelings at the same time.  I think in the beginning it is hard for let the good feelings in because of the grief.  If we didn't have hope we couldn't go on.

And I hope Spirit shows us the way through one more day. Because these are tough ones...

I'm sorry Dolly I don't know who told you to pray the "right" way, but whom ever it was I think told you to pray the "wrong" way. Maybe in God's eyes Brandon was perfect.  There is no blame. 

Dawn & Connie.....HUGS HUGS and more HUGS!!!! 

Lynn I think you and Anne are absolutely right.  We have to have hope. 

One of Michael's friends called me tonight.  I did everything I had to do to talk to him without crying.  I felt good I made it through.....of course until I hung up.  The tears came and my throat closed on me.  So today is another day I didn't make it without crying but it's okay because tomorrow I will try again. 

Dolly, and all, it is not your fault. When a person loses a child the grief is so dark that peace, and hope can't come through. That I think is true for a lot of people. I know it was for me. There  is no right or wrong way to pray or to find peace, or to grieve. These things come with time. We all have them in us, but when you lose a child they stay hidden until your heart is ready for them. I believe God hears our prayers even when we don't realize we are praying. I was so angry with God that I tried to kick him out of my soul. I yelled screamed, and swore at him time, and time again. He can handle it. He wants you to give it to him. Healing comes after you get all the ugly out. It took me 9 years to be able to talk to God without the anger, and sorrow. He must've been there because I'm still here.  When I finally felt like living again SMACK I got kicked once again when my other Son was killed, and almost lost one of my daughters too at the same time. Once again I yelled, and screamed, and swore at God. I said how could you do this to me again? Then I had a realization that God didn't do this to me, but he sure held me up no matter how nasty I was to him. I don't like to even speak of satan, but I believe he does this to take away our faith, hope, and love, and most of all to take us away from God. I couldn't think of anyone else that would do something so horrible as to take away my children. In my darkest hours I didn't want to be loved, or have hope, or let anything good in my life because I was afraid that in the blink of an eye it could all be taken away, and I didn't think I could bare anymore. To be truthful I begged satan to take me. I begged God to take me. One day my old horse got very sick, the only thing we could do for her was to put her down. As I watched my husband shoot her I fell to the ground, and begged him to shoot me too. He looked at me, and said Anne I have 2 bullets left one for you, and one for me, so whats it gonna be? That day I felt Gods arms around me. I felt my sons arms around me. They all picked me up off the ground. I ran to my husband, he was filled with tears. Since that day never again did I listen to anyone who said things like " oh God needed an angel, or it was their time to go, or the big one God only takes the good ones." To me it's all a crock of crap. I will never believe God took my children for any reason. I will never believe that God does any of the bad things that happen here on earth. I do believe that God gives me what I need when I need it, and I know he loves me even when I'm madder than a wet hen. I am not a church going woman, but I will tell you this, there isn't a day that goes by that I dont' have a conversation with God. Not one day that I don't ask for his help, and guidance. None of these things happened over night. It took time, and a lot of back, and forth to get to a day when I could think about the boys without the heart sucking sorrow, and anger. I still have times when I hold myself accountable for the death of my children. After all my father in law told me it was my fault, and if I was a better mother my boys wouldn't be dead. Most of the time I know that's not true, but there are times when the darkness creeps in, and those old bad feelings come to the surface, but God always has a way of letting me know how ignorant those statements are, and that it wasn't my fault. I am not perfect. I cannot control everything around me. These things were one of the hardest things for me to accept. Grief is something you cant go around, or over, or under. You have to go through it, and there's no time limit, or right or wrong way  to do it. You have to do it the way it's best for you. Someday you will feel the hope, and peace again, but only when your ready for it, and no one can take that from you. I know from your posts that you have a heart as big as the moon, and your day will come when your ready. You may not recognize it when it happens, but you'll feel it.

(((((Anne)))))

(((((GroupHug)))))

Hello to all. My tears are flowing as I feel like they will never stop. I still can't grasp this "thought" that my son is gone. There are voices in my head that are softly saying that it's true, he's gone, that this tragedy really happened but I bark and yell back at them and proclaim that it's simply NOT true! This pain is torture. Why is it that just because this is the ugly side of life on this earth, makes it ok, how can it be ok? I know there are things we can not change, I totally get that but way down deep, deep into my motherly soul, deep in my heart.....what's left of it, I can't help but still hope a miracle. Is crazy as it may sound , yes a miracle. The miracle that would show me that this was all a terrible mistake and that my son will be coming through the front door any moment.  I still open up doors in my house anxiously expecting to see him sitting on my bed watching television or see him in the basement....his usual spot. I still peek out of windows looking to see him walking towards our house or maybe in our backyard. I still look for him walking somewhere, hoping maybe he's just lost. My sanity completely leaves me at times. Sometimes I wonder why I'm supposed to be "better' and I wonder what does that mean exactly and how or will I ever achieve that. I can't think of one single thing that's good about any of this, I can't think of one benefit. Some may say, one is the person is no longer suffering but I'd rather have no one suffer to begin with.  In my perfect world, no one would suffer, and best case scenario would be we all live forever and worst case, we all live to be at least a 100yrs old and pass away peacefully in our sleep but I know that's not the reality of this sometime cruel world we live in. Each passing day is just a cold reminder to me that I can't see my son. Pictures and memories are not nearly enough, he's not a mere memory to me, to others maybe but not me. He's my son and he had a life and I never wanted to experience him losing his before mine's. Sorry for all the rambling, it's just no one else I can my thoughts with.

Karen i don know if this will help it did me and i lost my daughter 22 yrs ago to cancer next month and my 39 yr old last year to a rear form was never ready to loose neither of them love them both very much and  my life is one i live so strong to god so that when my day comes i now i will be there hopes these words help you they have me

Karen, ramble all you want, we understand!  I'm just as guilty as you.

Anne, all I can say is AMEN!

I look at everyday passing as a day closer to Michael.  But I can't give up because I still have a daughter that hasn't given up on me.

Linda, that must have been so hard to see two of your children go through cancer. My dad passed from cancer.  HUGS!

Next week I'm going to meet with Michael's old hockey coach.   Michael loved hockey and played it growing up.  My ex-husband and I want to figure out how to support kids who can't afford to play.  I think Michael would love that. 

Thanks to Adrianne, Linda and Teresa...thanks to all. I push forward

for my other children but it's so hard and my faith has been

weakened....that's an improvement because I felt like it was totally

destroyed. Sometimes I still feel like I'm being punished for something

I've done wrong, I guess I just try to rationalize why this happened

Sending hugs and my love to all, thanks again.  

i cnt hav kids but iv got 1 or 2 frnds tht hav lost kids 1 frnd shirly tht is related 2 my cuzen but shirly is not reltated 2 me lost her son 2 yrs ago he wz 37 wn he died a old skl buddy of me only had his litl grl for 1 day he cnt get over it it split his marige up it did 1 or 2 family hav lost kids 2 wish i hav posted a few tms on dfrtn t grps 

1 of my poor cuzens hospitl md her giv birth 2 a still brn son thy wudnt giv her c sec thy saed she wud be beter off givng brth 2 her ded son 2 me tht seams cruel it dose 

i jst hp thr is no mre death in famly i no a lot of yng 1s on my dads sd dnt evn get pst 40 or 50 

To all, When you come here you should let it out. Writing has been the best way I have found to let it out. It has to come out. I figured I didn't get a choice when my children died, but I do have a choice in how I let out the poison that builds up in my heart from grief. Everyone learns by trial, and error what works best for them. When I come here I have over the years learned a thing or two from everyone here. Some work, some don't. Often When I read posts here, I take parts of things, and I  switch them around so it's comfortable for me. For me the first step was to allow myself to feel bad. It got out of hand every once in a while, and there were plenty of times I could do nothing but cry.  I used to wear myself out to exhaustion.Screaming, crying, Yelling, swearing, and pounding my fists on a pillow. Then I started to keep a journal again, and I began to write. I wrote everything I felt. It poured out of me like water from a faucet on those pages, and trust me there are pages that I wouldn't even share with my husband of 31 years. Now I look back at those journals, and I'm amazed that I lived through it all. I was also amazed by the all of the love that was on those pages too. I couldn't see it then because grief is so dark, and devastating nothing good could penetrate it. Sometimes I couldn't help it, and sometimes I chose to not let any good in my life. I thought I didn't deserve it. I believed that it was my fault that my little boy was dead, and burned.
There was no changing my mind on that for a long time. I had to go through the dark to get to the light. Much easier said than done. So I say let it out! If I'm writing than I'm not hurting anyone or myself when i'm feeling like my world is gone. When I write I describe the pain, and what it feels like. I write honestly to myself my anger, blame, and all the other feelings that go with it. I was surprised that I could feel so far down in the hole. Writing has really helped me survive this thing called grief.  I'm back my sweet Ben. Your mama is keeping her promise to you. I love you, and miss you much!

Hey everyone, Anne, thanks for sharing some your experiences, I have to agree what you said about getting it out.  Being able to express myself to those that truly get it helps because my family, including my children, don't seem to get "IT". I try to hide my pain from them all. I think I'm not letting anything 'good' in my life because of the guilt I have from terminating my son's life support, I feel like I had a hand in his demise. I feel like I let him down and gave up on him. I also have so much anger towards the person that is responsible for doing this to my son, the same person that did nothing....and that his by his own words, nothing to help my son even though he lay there critically injured and he his trained in basic life support, he's a veteran police officer. His whole department's cover up of what truly happened is finally being exposed, the truth is coming to the light and I will not rest until he is held accountable for his reckless behavior. My son was robbed of his young life, I want him here, NOW, not later!

Sending hugs to all.

Hugs and Love to all!

I'm sitting here thinking October is almost over already. The holidays are coming, last year I didn't participate at all.  I couldn't. 

Then I started to think about Michael of course and I remembered the year he was about 5 years old and he told me he knew there was no Santa. He's reasoning was if Santa's elves made the toys they wouldn't have barcodes on them. After that I would tell anyone can be Santa and that's how he stays alive.

As an adult he would show up at his friend's house with toys for their kids and tell them Santa left them out side on the step.

Every thanksgiving, besides my dad, Michael would have the biggest plate. We would all laugh and joke about Michael and his ability to eat.

And because Michael was always such a character he supplied all the funny stories at the table. Either he told them or someone told them about him.

He spent his last holidays with me.  God gave me that. Whenever he came no matter how big, strong or old he became I would still treat him like my Lil' Michael, my smurf, and he let me.

I'm only 5 ft tall, Michael would lean his arm on my head and laugh.

And never walked away without giving me a big bear hug with a kiss and a "Love you".  

I miss my buddy. I miss us talking.     

Teresa you make my heart sing!

Karen I know exactly how you feel. When my Ben was killed the man that ran the stop sign, and hit my daughter, and killed my son had 2 of his own children in his truck. I was livid! I wanted him in my presence so I could choke the life right out of him as he did my son with his recklessness. The day came when we went to court, as the man was driving a company truck with a machine trailer hitched to it. I came out of the arbitrary room and there he was. There were several lawyers standing their, and were looking quite shocked because I wasn't supposed to meet the man that killed my son. Also that day the pictures of the accident were sent around the table to the different lawyers, and one of them accidently handed them to me. I saw my son dead in that car. I almost puked right there. Then when I walked out of that room there he was, the man that killed my son, and crippled my daughter. I don't know how it happened. I was quite shocked at my own behavior, but I walked up to him, hugged him, and said I forgive you. It was like something out of a crazy movie. I looked around, and all of those top notch lawyers had tears in their eyes. The man was punished for what he did, but I believe his knowing that he took another wonderful human life was a punishment he will carry for the rest of his life. I forgave him for me. I forgave him because I was not willing to carry that burden and that anger for the rest of my life. I had enough to deal with. I hope The man that should've helped your son gets his punishment, but I also hope you wont have to carry the burden of anger towards him. I believe that people who do things like this will have to atone for their actions in one way or another. You beautiful son was robbed of his life, and you were robbed of your son, so was I, and many others. That's why I wont let the man that killed my  son rob me of anything else. Peace to you all!

Wow, thanks so much Anne.  My hearts hurts with yours and I can totally appreciate what you shared. In my son's case, he was deliberately chased into oncoming traffic in a residential area by a police officer driving a UNMARKED SUV that had no lights or sirens activated while my son was riding his friend's motorcycle. Since my son's case investigation, that involves a key witness and expert witness engineers, this all occurred because this officer of the "law" just decided to be a jerk and harass my son and chase him down, my son would've had no idea who was behind the wheel of this vehicle, hence it has been discovered that he was not witnessed committing a felonious act, not even a mere traffic violation. My son was taken to the hospital listed as a "John Doe" because they said he had no form of ID on him. My son was in ICU for over 30 hrs before I learned where he was. They never contacted me, when I went to the hospital a nurse pulled me aside and told me off the record, that the police new who my son was. The police told me that he was involved in a motor vehicle "ACCIDENT" only but a patient advocate said to me one day my son's bedside that it was terrible that the police had chased him. When she saw the shocked looked on my face, she assumed I knew already, that's when my suspicions were alerted. The police totally denied that he was ever being pursued. I did my own detective work and found a key witness that was directly involved and she reassured me that there absolutely was a chase, and that there was nothing to identify this vehicle as a police vehicle, I was able to obtain 3 different accident reports with all different information. The police dept has even tried to get this key witness to change her testimony. During this investigation we have learned of a cover up by this police department but their story has crumbled. I filed a claim and a judge agreed that my son's case had to move forward, despite the police officer's attempt to have the case thrown out. So now we are preparing for trial.

I think my anger will ease once this person is held accountable, My son's voice was silenced but mine's was not, I have to be his voice. If they had a legitimate reason then they would have that documented for proof but they don't. I truly believe that because he had been critically injured, they figured if he died before I learned where he was, then I would just think he was in  a "ACCIDENT" and I wouldn't be the wiser.  Thanks for letting me share.

Thanks for the hugs Dawn

Karen & Anne my heart goes out to you.

Dear Strong Karen, Wow, wow, wow! Thank you so much for sharing. That is certainly a hard one. We are here.

Feeling horrible today. My son's birthday is coming & the holidays. It does not get easier.

My thoughts are with you Dick. I was just wondering how you are doing. Those days are never easier. (((hugs to you))). We are here if you need to let it out. 

Once again, thanks to all. Dolly I hope that you will be able to find something that works for you.

I know that many people celebrate and enjoy Halloween, as for me, I've never been a big fan and don't participate.....I don't knock anyone that does but since my son passed away, I actually dread this "holiday". My heart sinks when I go in the stores and I see the goriness with blood and guts, skeletons, coffins and tombstones, especially the ones that read 'RIP' and replicas of cemeteries. I can't look at any of it, I try to avoid isles that contain these items. I was just curious if anyone else feels like this, I feel like I may be alone with this this one. I just can't wait for Halloween to pass.

My only son (left-handed) was shot in the head above his left eyebrow 9/30/2012. My son went to a girl house he knew to get his clothes. The girl (Charly) told police that they were playing with gun and my son shot himself. The oldest lie in history, to but the murder on the victim. What left handed person plays with a gun and shots themselves above his left eyebrow, impossible.
My son Timothy Jr. Birthday is September 21. He is 21 years old.

Karen, Bern, Anne, what a difficult road to be on.

Bern. How agonising, ittakes a while to stop reliving how it al happened and the injustice that is felt adds on  and makes it very difficult to overcome.My heart is with you all here. I call us the army of the extremely brave and try not to dwell on the implications of holidays and festivals... try to just go with the flow and just be.

Am now with Craig in Groton . it is soothing to be with one whom one loves and adores and its also medicine.. we made a corner in our home and put up Pics of all our loved ones who are with us in love that is shared.. We have 2 gorgeous lovely ladies.. Craig's Mom and Jan, my amazing  wonderful son,Shreyas and a few figurines and pics of God in his many varied roles.. Every morning I light a lamp and mild incense there and it is peaceful to know that we are being loved and guided...when i dig deep in the pain . all I find is love...I wish desperately that we all get to a place where the pain evaporates.. that we walk this road and hold God's hand while doing so, cos I have the firm belief that the creator will take the best care of his 'creation' of which we all are an irreplaceable part of...Anyone wishing to meet up in say January around the 13th, 14th, please email me at vasanti.s@gmail.com.. ansd I will co-ordinate with you all on telephone so we can decide on what suits most of us the best.. waiting to just spend a quiet day with you all.xoxoxoxox

One of my daughter's favorite holiday's is Halloween.  Every year after college she would have a costume dance party on the weekend before Holloween, wherever she was. I now have a horrible cold and every time I cry which is now happening my head feels like it will explode.  Her is a picture of her the morning before she died at the farmers market in Montana 8/17/2013.

Lynn, thanks for sharing your photos, I hope you'll be able to celebrate one of her favorite holidays.

Bern and Dick, my heart and prayers go out to you on your children's birthdays. I just wish I had more I could do to take some of the pain away. And to have such horrific circumstances surrounding each death is heartbreaking. I also had to face the young man (age 19) who was driving and make the reckless choice to speed on a wet road and passed a car he was angry at ON THE SHOULDER. Only the shoulder ran out.

He lied about it for months but there were witnesses he didn't know about. It was only because WE asked the judge to reduce his felony charge to a misdemeanor because We didn't want him to go to jail (now I sometimes regret our decision) buthe did finally stand up in court, turn to us and apologize. Finally. And I did the same thing , I went over higged him and said I forgave him just like Ann said. Because I do not want to carry the burden on top of the grief. He will pay for his mistakes and did get his share of punishment from the judge. So Bern I pray that one day you can find some peace surrounding your son's death. I hope the truth prevails and if someone is responsible, that justice is brought to them. For sure, they will have to face God some day and that reality is a lot longer than this life. Oh God I am just so sorry to all of you.

Lynn, your daughter is beautiful. Daniel loved Halloween too but we will not stay home this year to celebrate. We always had a big party and etc etc. Just too hard right now. These "first" holidays are truly hard. He died on Dec 1, 2012 and that date is fast approaching and with each approaching day the knot in my stomach gets tighter and tighter. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe.

The holidays will come, and go. We don't have to celebrate them if it's not in our heart to do so. I carved a pumpkin this year because it felt right. When the kids were little we would have pumpkin carving parties every year. When lil Del died the parties stopped. We carved pumpkins but the party part of it was gone, and we all knew it. The girls are grown now, and Ben is also gone so pumpkin carving has never been the same. I enjoyed the fun of Halloween for many years, but it just doesn't have the spark it used to. I thought once my grandchildren got older the joy would return, but they moved away, and the real joy moved with them. My daughter has her own pumpkin carving party now at her home with her children, and I'm glad she now has the joy I once knew. I carved a pumpkin this year alone. I couldn't carve anything scary or death like, so I carved a happy faced Frankenstein. I never considered Halloween a holiday, but saw it as a day for fun for the children. I guess I'm happy to have the memories, but like other things after  my children died I am resigned to leave some of it as a memory. The real holidays are coming, and I will be working on gearing up for them. the magic of the holidays is not as magical as they once were, but maybe it's time for me to not expect too much from them, to enjoy the things that make me feel good, and to concentrate on the real reasons for them. I used to wish they would just rush by, and get it over with, and now I just roll with the flow. Not much else I can do. I hope for those of you who should know the truth about your childs death get it. Without it, it makes this grieving thing even harder. Here's to the truth, may you find it. Peace, and love to all.

All my life, I thought tatoos were not for me and some young fad. Now I can't think of anything other than having my son's name tatooed on me. Am I nuts? I am almost 60! What am I thinking of? Grief has a funny way of changing your thinking.

i am 57 yrs old and no it not a bad thought to have your child's name put on you as a memory i have my daughters name on the calf of my leg its of a bird in the heavens with a ribbon in its mouth and it says angel i have yet to get my sons name under her with the word David on it to me it helps the pain and its always be with you if this is a help i am glad i could be here for you.

My son had a tatoo of the OHM sign on the inside of his wrist. On his birthday this year he was to be 18 and he and my husband had planned to go together and get a tattoo. My husband never had one or thought of having one! But on bis birthday he went and got the same tattoo as Daniel in the same place. Daniel's best friend did also. I wasn't ready and am designing something that will one day be on me. I think that is what is special about tattoos. The story or person it symbolizes. Go for it!

Yes Dick grief does change your thinking...

Hope everyone finds some peace today.

My daughter Kyra had a tree of life tattooed  on her left wrist.  The day of her memorial service her sister, brother and his wife had the exact tattoo put on their wrists.  They carry her legacy on. 

am with you all.. Anne I found what you said very courageous and agree,, it feels better somehow to just allow things to happen instead of resisting the present.. it is tough as many times I feel everything receding into some past and i do not want it to be PAST.. how i hate this , how i hate this ordeal.....

For a minute there I felt as though I was sliding backwards, now I'm just feeling emotionally drained. 

I'm not planning on a tattoo but I still agree with you Dick grief changes the way we think.

I have 2 tats. One is on my right shoulder. It's a small batch of denim colored roses, and represents the friends I love. There are 8 of us who have the same tattoo, but we each picked our own colors. My second one is of 4 dragon flies. Each dragon fly is the color of each one of my childrens birthstones. I did this when I was 48, after my Ben died. I decided to have all 4 of my children tattooed on my left leg because I didn't want my daughters to feel left out. Besides it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. When I'm outside at the farm dragon flies sit on my shoulder, and they comfort me. I thought my husband would not be happy with me, but when he saw the dragon flies on my leg he fell in love with them. When I get to feeling sad, and lonely I look at them, and touch them, and I don't know why but it makes me feel better. I was always one who said If God wanted me to have a tattoo he would've given me a birth mark! After Ben died I changed my mind. Plus I loved the pain that comes with tattooing. It was a pain I chose, and it helped me release some of the pain in my heart. When my Lil Del died I got my ear pierced at the top where the cartilage is so that when I couldn't control the pain in my heart I could twist the earring around and feel the pain on the outside. I pierced the ear on my left so it would be closest to my heart, as is my tatt of the dragon flies. Crazy? I don't think so! My earring, and my tattoo help me release some of the pain in my heart by feeling the pain on the outside. It was great therapy for me, and I love them! They are the best things I have ever done for myself since this all began! I like to take advantage of things that I can control since I couldn't control the deaths of my boys! I have never regretted my choice!

Hey Dolly, have you ever been tested for tinnitus? Tinnitus can cause terrible ringing in the ears, and can be treated.

Peace, and Love to all!

Good for you Dolly!  I'm so happy you had a good day!

 Dolly, thanks for sharing your lovely pics.