iv got the avater on dvd sum were sean it a logn tim ago i no it woz gooood ill after to try and find it to watch again mamy if i wozent so undidy id proberly find thngs but sean my sister going on like she has o c d evry thnh has to be neat and tidy it puts me off the good thng is wen i do tidy up iv fond mony hiden under my bed or find thngs that i hav lost or thngs iv put don and foget wer iv put thm

i saw this man who looket like my dad wen i took my mum out for a meal today he woz the sam hite sam build i nealy shouted dad i thnk if he had of spoke to us i wood of fainted or wot ever with shock i no it woz my granmothers anversry this month of her death my dad used to wite them all don so we wonderd foget the anaversy of the family and frends deat and it woz my cuzen and anversy at the biging of this month her litte; girl is doing well now shes 9 now and lost her mum wen she woz 7 i thnk 2 of my dads sisters died the sam month as him but they died over 20 yrs ago to kidny canser and breast canser

I feel like I need a guarantee that I will get to be with my fiance again when it is my time.... Can anyone offer any insight into this?

i no this lady who woz a frend who died yrs ago used to sea it to the futcher in dreams she used to say sum strange thngs she used to say wen people die they get on the death train and get off at the own desternasion i bets shes telling people the futcher up in heven she woz amazing but she neverpriteded her own death she told me id never be tall got that 1 rite id be fat and skiny all my life shes got that rite i thnk u will sea him again kali i hope i sea my dad again even the family i lost befowe i woz born 

this woz the lady who cud sea thngs in dreams she woz that goood she woz beter then the fortun tellets and sycicks and meadims that peple may a lot of mony for u can seahow kind she woz

but it woz a old foto of her in the mid 80s her name woz mary i used to call her anti mary  but we wernt related i used to call all my mum and dads anti and uncle insted of missis and mr but it shored respect of my my elders i still do call the 1s anti and uncle whos still hear afra all these yres i must be 1 of the weree few tht shows the elders respect i reber the day 1 of her sons who cum to tell us the day she died wish woz on her bday i thnk she wud of bean 81 or 82 she had 4 sons and dorters 4 still at homee and 4 scared all over the uk and all over and grand kids all over the wordld she did 

i would like to know if i will meet karl again and if he is happy and did he do what he said he would when he passed

it happend agan with the ballons i wote to other peple that died letters o ballons but none of thm poppet at all the 1s i wote to my dad popet the 1 that popet the loudesedst woz the 1 i woz telling him im waiting to hear from the hospital for an othapeadic apontment wish im not looking forard to coz im scared of hospitals i dont even trust thm plases now

Gillian,

You should consider seeing a psychic medium... I did a few weeks after Chris died and I was able to talk with him. I knew it was him by the things she said. It made me feel better to know he is still with us and I will see him again. If you don't believe in psychics I suggest putting aside your reservations and just do it. It won't take the pain away but it may bring you some comfort. But do your research and find a good reputable one.

Kali any good suggestions for a medium?

The one I saw was here in the city I live in... but she does have a website and I believe she does telephone sessions as well. I know a number of family and friends who have seen her as well and everyone loves her.  Her name is AuKeeRa Rayne and you can just google her. If you want to see one in person then I suggest doing a search for mediums in your area and they should have websites with testimonials. Good Luck!

thanks kali

Hi.  I haven't been on for a while - life has been very busy and sometimes a bit upsetting lately.  Since it's been a few days since I've been on, I only read messages on the first page.  I figure the others are probably old enough that people got what they needed by now.

jb - that has to be your dad.  What is that - 5 times that he's popped the balloons.  That is way too much to be a coincidence.  I'm glad he is speaking to you.  I know how close you two were.

To all of the other people who were talking about mediums - I did not intentionally see a medium after my dad died, but I went for a Reiki session and the man was a medium.  Just like one minute into the session he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Your dad is here.  He said to tell you that his arms hurt from wanting to put them around you."  That is how my dad explains himself - a physical feeling his feelings cause.  I already was starting to think this guy was legitimate.  I started crying and I asked, "Is he okay?"  This medium looked at me like he couldn't believe any one would wonder if someone was okay on the other side and said, "Yeah" in this tone of voice that was like it should be so obvious.  I have worried about if my dad was okay a lot, because he had PTSD from childhood that caused him to have anxiety and behaviors from it and people at church told me from the time I was a small child that he was evil and that was sin - how hateful some Christians can be.  All of that stuck with me through adulthood and after my dad died.  This leads into the next part of the story - due to that church and what they told my dad about his PTSD, he was terrified to die.  He was afraid something bad was going to happen to him.  The medium then told me that my dad said he had had a hard transition but once he figured out what was happening to him that he was now okay.  I knew my dad would have a hard transition due to his terror, so that made it more real too.  If this medium would have told me he glided over without problem, I would have known he was a fake.  Then, this guy told me that my dad said he had been very hard headed in life and that is what made some of his transition hard, but he was okay now.  My dad always referred to himself as hard-headed.  So, I think this guy really got a message from my dad.  I don't know how he got that message or how it works, but his medium never met my dad and could not have known all of this stuff about him.  Some say this is sin, but the bible says there will be people who have gifts of the spirit, gifts of prophesy, etc., so this doesn't really violate the bible for those who are Christian.  I just figure this guy had a gift of the spirit.

jb - that lady you shared her picture - she has a kind face.  I don't think someone with such a kind face and kind eyes would be a con artist.  I think she must have just had a gift of the spirit too.

or she woz amazing storyas it pridicting thngs storyas she shud of wote books and had her tv show 

She probably should have but maybe she didn't want all that publicity.  Having that kind of publicity can be awfully hard on a person and can sometimes change them in ways they don't want to change.

hi all.  its been about 6 months since my mom went to heaven & i still miss her desperately.  i read about signs that our loved ones give us to let us know they're ok.  i think my sign is white butterflies which i notice whenever i am outside & feeling the tremendous loss of my dear mom.  but, as usual, i write it off as a coincidence.  im wondering, what has happened to me & my belief system....... 

I have been reading a lot of books about people who have died, gone to Heaven and then come back... They give me some reassurance that I will be with my fiance again when it's my time but all of these books have been written by religious people (ministers, pastors, etc.) Does anyone have any suggestions of books that were written by people who may have not been so religious? I was raised Catholic but I don't go to church anymore unless it's for baptisms, weddings, etc.  Chris was baptized but was not a religious person. I just have so many questions regarding the afterlife.

First of all I am not a religious person but I am very spiritual.  I have been reading and reading and reading b/c I have not felt my loved one.  No communication at all.  I couldn't figure out why b/c I know she would have contacted me if she could.  In all my readings, I went back to the bible (read the catholic version, jewish version, jehovah witness version, etc).  What the bibles say is that when we die we go back to the earth from which we came (ashes to ashes dust to dust- we know nothing).  The new testament says that we are in a state of sleep until the messiah comes then we shall all be awaken.   This hit me so hard.  I cried and cried and cried.  But in the same token, I understand why she has not contacted me or her son.  I understand why I don't feel her presence and in a way it is very comforting.  I know that when I pass, one day her and I will be together again during the resurrection. 

This last week I've experienced 3 very strange things.  One morning laying in bed still half asleep I clearly heard my moms voice calling me but it sounded as if she were crying.  I actually said out loud with my eyes closed.. What?  and the whole day I felt very uncomfortable because her voice was distressful.  I am never sure if this stuff means anything but I did quietly ask my mom if she could hear me not to call out my name in such a sad voice as it upsets me.  Sure enough two days later in bed early in the morning it happened again but it was just moms voice.  No stress added to the voice.  It made the nightmares ease up a little but I also asked after that if she wants to say something to me could she spell it out because this is sorta creeping me out.  I even ( don't laugh ) forced the situation by saying if it's really you mom and not in my head then you'll give me a direct response to my latest request by midnight that night.  Around 8 that evening I was looking for something and decided to check in a drawer of "mom stuff" that I put in there and said I'd go through it later.  What I was looking for had nothing to do with her but figured I'd push all the mom stuff in the drawer aside while I rummaged for what I was looking for.  Low and behold there is a paper folded up.  I open it and it's a poem from a mother to her son and how blessed she feels to be his mother and how she will always be with him in life and death.  I audibly said out loud.. OH MY GOD.  I have no doubt that was from my mom.

Hi everyone.  I have not been on for a few weeks, because I've had several trials going on in my life.  One is that my husband has been sick off and on - an infection and his blood sugar both being way out of control.  For a short time, we got his blood sugar under control on insulin and two other medications, but today it is very high again.  I am scared for him.  I don't know if I can stand loosing any one else, and I am very scared.  Please don't give me any advice or tell me any diabetic stories as I can't handle that right now, but if YOU ALL CAN PLEASE PRAY FOR HIM I WILL BE MOST GRATEFUL.  THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS.

I read all of you posts, and I will say that I a religious but also consider myself spiritual.  My religion is Christianity, and Jesus told us to live by the spirit of the law instead of the letter of the law.  So, a religious person should also be a spiritual person.  In 1 Corinthians 13 in the bible it says that now we are looking through a glass darkly but when we get there we will really know.  So, I assume if something happens that might not be exactly the way I understand it from the bible that maybe this is due to me looking through the glass darkly.  In Acts Chapter 2 it says there will be gifts of the spirit also, so maybe when we have these experiences it is one of the gifts of the spirit such as prophecy or something like that.  So, I don't judge it but try to understand it.  I've had a lot of things happen that I truly believe are my dad (or God for my dad) letting me know that my dad is okay.  And, Mark, I know what you mean - my dad kept making my phone ring starting at 4:25 int he morning when he died 24 hours after he died.  When I pick up the phone, no one is there.  When I check my call log, it does not show up on my log.  One time last week it happened, and I didn't answer.  There was about 1 second of what sounded like it might be music, and then it stopped.  Snopes (who are a site known from solid research), but up this article about a man calling his loved ones on the cell phone right after his death:  http://www.snopes.com/horrors/ghosts/deadcall.asp .  So, something is happening, but we are now seeing it through a glass darkly.

For the first few months my dad called me, I was so elated to hear from him.  But, then for reasons unknown to me, I started to get scared after a while.  One night he called me early in the morning hours, and I answered the phone thinking that no matter what he had to say that I wanted to hear from him, so I picked it up, but that time I was scared.  He stopped calling so much after that.  I think he knew i was getting a bit scared and didn't want to scare me.  But, I love him and he is always welcome to call.  I'll deal with myself.

I'm sorry your mom was crying or distressed when she first came to you.  If that would have happened with either of my parents, I would have been freaked out too - worried about them.  But, my guess is that she was only sad to be parted from you, especially since she came back later not distressed.  I'm an emotional person in life, so I can imagine crying when I come back to visit whoever I leave behind when it is my time.  I think spirits probably have different personalities like we do.  Or, maybe she was confused by what happened to her.  As I said, the bible says there are gifts of the spirit, and someone with a gift of the spirit once told me after my nephew died violently that he'd had a hard time adjusting to going over, but after he adjusted he was okay.  The same thing happened with my dad, someone with a gift of the spirit told me that his fear gave him a hard transition but he was okay now.  So, maybe the time right after they move over they have an adjustment period and if they had a lot of suffering or fear maybe they get a little distressed until they figure out what is going on and then they go into the place of peace.  I don't know why she was distressed.  These are only my guesses.  But, I do believe that she is okay.  You might want to send an email to the lady who moderates this group to see if she has any better insights.  I just know I felt very drawn to talk to you, because after my mom and dad both passed, all I could ask myself is if they were okay, so I don't want you to get too focused on that question since she came to you once distressed.  Just keep remembering that she came to you another time when she was not distressed.

God Bless You All.

im sory to hear abot yore bad look storyas 

i woz abot to cross the rd yesterday and a speading bus cum speeding thru a red lite but for sum strange reson sum thng held me bac if it hadent i wud of bean hit by that bus either killed or sum thng worse i dont no sum 1 said it cud be my dad bean my gurdin angel 

the door nocket a few tims today and wen i got ther nobody woz ther i thnk my dads playing pranks on us from hevan abuv and we put pens down and thy turnd up else wer i no my dad woz a joker he must be still playing jokes on us like he all ways did like he new i woz scared of spyders and showed me this fake spyder i screamed that loud he cudnt stop lafing i wish he woz still hear to do that even tho im terfied of spyders even the tv has bean flashimg on and off the sky box is ok even on hear like his trying to send me a email i no i told the funnrell directer who cum to the house to sort his funrall out i hope he send me a email on his old lap tap that died a few days before he did i thnk i got sin on 1 of his favret tv shows  out now to buy on dvd box set and iv had a few more if only he woz still hear i wood buy him thm dvds or pens of his favret tv shows 

there woz another lady on hear i wote to 1 of her blogs about the emal i asket if it woz a sin

the tv jupet chanels again but not for me for my mum wish spooket her out she woz watching 1 of her quiz shows wot my dad used to like egg heds but it jumpet on another chanel and the tv show woz abot hauneted houses and sprits and poltergisesed honting houses and other plases whise i thort woz very weid that it hapend and my dad liket them shows 2 its like he is trying to tell us sum thng from hevan abuv but i dont no wot it is i no he used to say wen i go im not going in them gates till we all go up ther i hope his makeing evry body happy up ther for them who is waiting out side heven gates his jokes wer funny even sum of the rude 1s wer funny his probely telling the kids up ther storys espesely his ghost storys wer good and now iv got lucy typing evry timee i cum on hear she jumps on the key pad in her cat langrage  if any 1 has pets and thet start typing on hear they must want to blog as well  well to day lucy as tryed to trip me up followd me to the bath room cry out side till i cum out 

I am still waiting to communicate with Chris... the psychic I saw ensures me that I will. She said that I do feel him and hear him I just don't realize it... I want to feel him.. I want to talk to him in my dreams but I'm getting nothing... I thought I smelled his cologne/body wash a couple of times shortly after the accident but nothing since.

So I finally looked through the pictures from my daughter's baptism last sunday and most there are variously sized round orbs.. but from what I read they are usually dust specs.  But in one of those pics (one of my sis and her bf holding our daughter) there is a bright mishaped orb right next to my sisters head... and the baby is staring right at it.  There was nothing else she could have been looking at. I cried as soon as I saw it... I know it was Chris and Ellis saw her daddy on her special day.

i sum times feal lke my dads warking arond in the house my brotherr felt it wen he woz looking after the cat he saed he felt like sum thnk ghoastely woz in the house fran                                      kali iv had the same thng on sum fotos like a guradiaen angel and i thnink it is yore chriss bean yore dorters guradiaen angel                                                                                                  yesterday the printa and scaner set it self off and start ed printing sum thng off i never even preset print i thnk its my dad playing pranks on us from hevan abuve                                      

it happend again with printerer and scaner but this time i wanet to print the dangeers of diet coke but it stared printeding out nurolgergey it did it did finaly print whot i neded out but insted of 1 copy of abot 6 pages it printed loads out i only nedeed 1 copy of it the only other diet coke adicyed in the family is my sister in law shes cut doon onthe sigarets and drinking 3 or 4 bottels a day like im drinking over 7 cans a day more of diet coke i thnks its my dad playing pranks on me and saying cut down on drinking that soft drink

Hi jb, Fran and Kali - I'm only going to respond to people on this last page, because I haven't been on for a couple of weeks and if I go back and read everything that I've missed since last time I was on I won't have time to do it.

Kali - thank you for sharing that picture.  You know- my husband is a scientific type, and he always says it's only dust specs on the camera.  He has to have an explanation for everything.  But, my question is if it's only dust specs then why do these things happen most predominantly after someone passes away?  Please check out this web page from a previous member:  http://www.oursonbilly.com/ .  I think this will show that many of these things can happen without it being a dust spec.  In some of his orbs you actually see an image of Billy and some of his orbs look like hearts.  Maybe you can also talk to the man who started this website.  Maybe you can be a comfort to each other.

Jb - What did the person that you asked if this was a sin say?  And, were you asking if it was a sin to receive messages from your loved ones or if it's a sin to see a psychic.  From my perspective, the bible says that there will be people with gifts of the spirit and it says that now we see as through a glass darkly but when we get to the other side we will understand more.  So, I don't know that I'd say it's a sin even to see a psychic even though they scare me a little bit, and I don't want to see one.  The bible does warn us not to be involved in witchcraft, but what is the biblical definition of witchcraft?  If we take it so far that we are pushing away people with gifts of the spirit, then we are not understanding the definition.  The bible says to learn to discern the spirits - so ask God to help you discern the spirits.  As for us receiving messages, that is not us seeking it out or us worshipping another deity that will give us the ability to do that.  It is just something that is happening to us that has happened since the beginning of time, so I'd say that is how God set up the world to work.  If you look at anthropology studies, you will see that this has happened throughout history.  I come from the Appalachian Mountains.  My Grandmother Kidd had gifts of the spirit.  When someone was about to die, she would hear glass breaking when nothing broke.  My aunt would see fire balls floating around the room when someone was about to die.  Both of them would smell smells.  To me, this is interesting, because they came from an illiterate part of the Mountains, so they were not privy to the research that was being done in the cities during the Victorian Era when my grandmother was a child and young woman and having these experiences without anyone making her aware they were happening to other people.  Then, I start reading books about that time, and all of the research was talking about glass breaking and smells and things that had been happening to the women in the mountains who had the gift for as far back as anyone could remember - yet they had no access to information it was happening to other people.  Thus, this proves to me that these are experiences that happen to everyone.

jb - I'd also like to say that your dad seems to be more aggressive in his attempts to contact you.  The printer situation is a lot more aggressive than the balloons that happened before.  Do you think maybe he is worrying about you, because you are grieving so hard, and is trying to help you stop grieving.  Do you go out and do anything fun for yourself?  Maybe it would make him feel better if you, even just every once in a while, went out and did something fun for yourself without worrying about anyone else.  If I'm off base with that and have insulted you with that, then forgive me.  But, that's just a pretty strong feeling I had when I was reading your posts, so I thought I'd share it. Maybe it means something.  Maybe it means nothing.  I don't know.  I just know your Dad loves you a lot, so if he's worried about you, he's going to do anything to lighten up the situation for you.  Maybe he is trying to be funny.  Maybe he should send the papers flying across the room instead of printing on them, because that would make you laugh - like the card game we play over here called 52 pick up.  When I was little, my dad would say, "You want to play 52 pick up."  At first, I said yes, because I didn't know what he was going to do.  Then, he put the deck between his thumb and fingers and press really hard until the cards starting flying one at a time, really fast, across the room.  Then, he'd say, "There's the 52.  Pick 'em up."  Maybe your Dad should send the paper sailing across the room to cheer you up like 52 pick up, and then you'd be laughing your head off.  I'm just saying that, because he was so funny like my dad in life, and I can see him doing the 52 pick up game too.

Fran, thank you for sharing about your experiences.  They bring some peace.

jb - something led me to go back one more page, and to my great surprise, there was only one more post on the second page since the last time I wrote, and it was from you.  You talked about a bus almost hitting you.  First of all - thank God you are alright.  Second of all, something similar to that happened to me.  Where I live, there is one road from my house that has a big cliff to the right side of it and a big mountain on the left side.  One day, I was going down that hill, and just before the curve I saw a dead dog laying in the road.  My neighbor's dog had been missing.  She was a young woman, and she was devastated.  I turned to see if it was her dog, and I looked too long.  My car was heading for the cliff.  Suddenly, I felt hands (angel, my mom, other ancestors, God, the Holy Spirit - I don't know), but I felt hands on top of my hands.  This shocked me so much that I turned immediately, just in time to see my car be steered from heading over the cliff and back onto the road and safety.  The weirdest thing about it was that when it was happening there was a feeling of peace kinda like I felt when I was at the hospital with my dad and the Holy Spirit or someone was telling me my dad would be okay, and he was that time.  It was similar to the peace I felt fill the room when my mom was dying and when I had to euthanize my dad's dog a few weeks ago.  It is similar to the peace I feel when I sit next to people doing Tai Chi in the park.  And, those hands steered my car back to safety.  I called a friend of mine who is a pastor with a doctorate degree, thinking he would know something.  All he said to me was kinda what I said to you in the earlier post - now we see through a glass darkly, that he couldn't explain everything that people told him happened, but he was sure glad to know that feeling of peace seemed to often be there, because that gave him peace and hope.  So, I totally believe you were pulled to safety.

jb - something led me to go back one more page, and to my great surprise, there was only one more post on the second page since the last time I wrote, and it was from you.  You talked about a bus almost hitting you.  First of all - thank God you are alright.  Second of all, something similar to that happened to me.  Where I live, there is one road from my house that has a big cliff to the right side of it and a big mountain on the left side.  One day, I was going down that hill, and just before the curve I saw a dead dog laying in the road.  My neighbor's dog had been missing.  She was a young woman, and she was devastated.  I turned to see if it was her dog, and I looked too long.  My car was heading for the cliff.  Suddenly, I felt hands (angel, my mom, other ancestors, God, the Holy Spirit - I don't know), but I felt hands on top of my hands.  This shocked me so much that I turned immediately, just in time to see my car be steered from heading over the cliff and back onto the road and safety.  The weirdest thing about it was that when it was happening there was a feeling of peace kinda like I felt when I was at the hospital with my dad and the Holy Spirit or someone was telling me my dad would be okay, and he was that time.  It was similar to the peace I felt fill the room when my mom was dying and when I had to euthanize my dad's dog a few weeks ago.  It is similar to the peace I feel when I sit next to people doing Tai Chi in the park.  And, those hands steered my car back to safety.  I called a friend of mine who is a pastor with a doctorate degree, thinking he would know something.  All he said to me was kinda what I said to you in the earlier post - now we see through a glass darkly, that he couldn't explain everything that people told him happened, but he was sure glad to know that feeling of peace seemed to often be there, because that gave him peace and hope.  So, I totally believe you were pulled to safety.

i thnk its my dad telling me to cut my diet coke in take doon but its sush a nise drink it tastes to nise to say no i now no diet coke is worse to cum off then it is to pack in smoking wish i dont smoke im starting to get back in to my art abd tring to fix sum old fotos up but my sister wanet me to throw all the old foto albums out but my mum tlod her to leve them alone earler on wen i went out in the back to put sum rubish out the sky looket so nise it did i had to take a few fotos of it it felt like heven oping up 

wen i saw it i cudnt help but take a few fotos of it u can sea the time i took them at the btom of the foto

wen i sean it i felt so carm and relaxed it woz if my dad woz saying im watching u i can play pranks on u it felt so weid it did but a nise weid 

jb - those are some interesting cloud formations.  And, as always, you take very nice pictures.  Any time I take a picture of the sky, it just looks flat.  Yours do not look flat.

I know what you mean.  i used to drink diet coke like it wuz going out of style.  I loved the taste.  My friends would ask me - don't you want a drink with some sugar in it.  Doesn't that taste awful.  I'd tell them I thought it tasted wonderful.  I wasn't drinking it to diet, I was drinking it because it was so good.  Sometimes I'd be drinking diet coke with a dessert or some candy, and people would laugh at me and say it defeated the purpose, and I would say I'm not drinking it cuz it's diet - I like it.  Then, I started having swelling that I noticed happened right after I drank the diet coke.  I think I was having a reaction to the Nutra Sweet.  I heard that will happen to a certain percentage of people.  I tested it for a few months and noticed the swelling happened right after a diet coke.  So, I switched from nutra sweet to Splenda and then I just slowly got off them.  I almost never drink a pop now, and  decided it was the nutra sweet I like the taste of but my body can't take it, so I quit.  My point is that it gets easier over time.  When I first gave up diet coke (and it had to be coke - not pepsi) I would just crave it.  It's been about a year and a half since I gave it up, and I don't even think about it any more.  It does get easier.  Good luck with trying to cut down. 

i tryed giving it up onse diet coke storyas but i only lasted 1 day then i had to go and get a can of diet coke i now no its very adiktefed bean drinking the stuf sinse the age of 14 now thy put a helth warnin on it and dont let under 16s buyy it my dad used to be a chokaholic he did he cudnt say no to the sweat stuff im sure thy put thnks in diet coke and sweats to get u adicted that u want more thn 1 im pleased u like the fotos i posted yestaday lucy bean lookinng out of the windoww she has sean anotha cat i thnk it woz a cat shehad a fite with a few monthss ago all the cats seam to bash tht cat up all i no lucy scard it off

I know it's hard to give it up.  If I had one, I'd be hard pressed not to just be drinking them all the time - like people giving up cigarettes.  I'm sure it is addictive.  But, my point was, the longer you are away from it, the easier it does get.  I guess that is true with anything though.

I've had the most beautiful calico cat that is as tame as can be dropped off on my porch.  She's tame, so I know someone dropped her off.  I've been feeding her, but I can't bring her in.  My husband won't let me, because we took in my dad's pets when he died, and my husband is right that we've got too many.  But, I feel so sorry for her and I'm worried for her through the winter and I'm worried for her that the stray cats around here are going to start beating her up.  She's an exceptionally pretty cat.  I can't believe someone set her off and just left her.  Unlike Lucy, my dad's Nugget wants to play with her, but I won't let him out the front door for fear he will catch a disease from her since she's been outside around strays.  But, he is a boy and she is a girl, so I'm not surprised he wants to play with her instead of beat her up.  I wish I could bring her in.

It's been a year and five months since my dad died and a few years since my mom died, and I've been having a real hard time with grief.  I went through their paperwork the last few days and threw out anything we still didn't need, and it put me right back in a time when we were all together in my head.  I realized that life - the life energy around me - felt different when they were alive.  I felt that again while I was going through their stuff, and then I came downstairs, and it was gone.  I realized how lucky I had been with they were alive.  Even with all the problems of life, the energy that was around me all the time with their love and support and the things we did together was so wonderful.  Now, the energy around me just feels flat compared to how I felt when we were together all the time.  Even after I got married I still hung around my parents all the time.  I still did everything with my mom.  Does that energy feeling I'm describing make any sense to you jb, or anyone else, or do I just sound like a nut case right now.

I'm gonna go.  I'm taking a class at church on Monday nights, and I need to get over there.  It's a neat class.  It is taught at my church but it is taught by professors from a seminary, so you learn the things that pastors and priests learn, and I realize there is so much we don't know.  One thing I learned that made me smile and be happy last night was that in the creation story of Mesopotamia and Babylon around Jesus time, the people had multiple Gods who saw them as slaves and playthings.  Yet, the Hebrew God, the God of Judaism and Christianity, was the only God where there was only one God, and we were not his slave or plaything.  Instead, we were made in his image and given dominion over the world, because he loved us so much that he didn't want us to just be his slave.  That was a pretty neat thing to learn.  That made me feel really good.

Well, I'll talk to you soon.

it is hard to giv thngs up storyas i sum times thnk thy put thng in diet coke and other stuf to makes us buy mre and i dont thnk u aree a nut case storyas ul proberly thnk i am 1 this morning wen i went in to the front room i thort i saw my dad siting in the chair i looket again but nobody ther and lucy this morning wen she woz looking out of the windo she woz mewing and hissin at 2 cats who had bean warking on the front wall wen im doing my art i exspermint with paints i tryed mixing acrikilic paint and oil paint togeta that woz a distarer i tryed mixing indian ink that woz a disaster i tryed doing acrickialic and poster paint but that woz ok  even with the water paint im still trying difrent exsperments to sea wot is ok and wissh 1 s is a disater 

I had a very brief dream about Chris last night that felt so real... He was lying next to me in bed and I grabbed his arm and pulled it over me like I used to.. Thinking about it now makes me sad.. I don't know if it was him or just what I wanted/needed.

jb - my mom used to say all the time when we were little that she thought they put something in sodas to make them addictive, because my brother was and still is bad addicted.  He must drink a 12 pack a day or more now and would drink as much as he could get his hands on when he was a kid.  I don't know if it's just the caffeine or if it's something else, but my mom used to say that all the time.  In reality, in its early days Coke was addictive.  It's called Coke cuz it had cocaine in it for hang overs.  It was originally a hangover medicine.  But, they stopped putting that in decades ago.  I don't know what is in it now, but I think it is addictive too.

That is so cool that you are doing art.  I bet that makes your dad happy.  And, what makes a good artist is someone who is willing to experiment.  That is cool.

There was a lady who led a grief support group locally, and she said she'd heard lots of stories as a moderator of people who walked into a room and saw their loved one sitting in a chair.  It seems that a lot of the time they are sitting in chairs - maybe.  I believe you saw your dad.  I think I would be so scared if I actually saw my mom or dad, and I think that is why they have not shown themselves to me visibly.  I've thought about wanting to see them and always know I will be too scared.  I think that is why I've never actually seen them.

Kali - what did it feel like to you - did it feel like a dream or did it feel like he was there.  I've learned that what you feel is usually what is right - it's like we have an instinct or something.  I'm sorry it mad you sad though, but I know how you feel.  I was going through my parents paper work earlier this week, and it made me so sad.  It's so hard to move forward and stop longing for the past, isn't it?  I hope he comes to visit you again in a way that makes you happy and at peace.

Kali,

I think I understand why it made you sad but correct me if I am wrong.  When he came to you it felt so real but when you woke it it was like losing him all over again.

To be honest I don't know why it made me sad... because he wasn't there when I woke up or because I don't know if it was really him visiting me. I don't feel him around me or anything... I want to believe it was him.

Was the dream in color?  When you have other dreams you usually know that it was just a dream correct?  So what makes this dream different that you are questioning whether it was real or a dream?

i no sum dreams feal so real to real u thnk its realy going on

It was the middle of the night so it was dark... and yes my other dreams feel like dreams... this one felt real at the time it was happening and it stuck with me even though I had other dreams.. I guess I just don't want to believe it was real if it wasn't.  I guess I am questioning it's validity b/c it felt just like it used to.. Like he never left.

so..... since your other dreams feel like dreams and this one felt different/real then it must have been REAL!