Thank you storyas fawnfeather for your honesty.  did you lose your fait in G-D?

Kim - I'm not sure how to answer your question, so forgive me if I ramble.  I don't know that I lost my faith in God.  I was angry, but not even angry really - disillusioned I guess, with God for a while.  I couldn't understand why he hadn't answered my prayers and saved her.  I couldn't understand why he had taken someone who meant so much to me.  But, a friend of mine who is a pastor's wife told me it's okay to be angry with God.  She said he's a big God and he can handle it.  And, she said there's no use lying about it if we are, because he knows everything we are thinking any way, so we may as well be honest and tell him we're angry or loosing faith or whatever we are going through.  Gosh, I'm not sure what I was thinking - but I don't think I lost faith.  But, I grew up in a horrible fundamentalist Christian church that taught hate way more often than love, and I couldn't stand the thought that my parents might be over there with a hateful God.  So, I began to study and ask questions and talk to pastors from other denominations.  I grew up in a church that dunked in baptism, and they told us that sprinkling churches were from the devil - so I went to sprinkling churches to ask questions.  I learned that most sprinkling church pastors were required to have doctorate degrees, and they really knew a lot more than where I came from.  In all my study, I learned that God is a lot more loving God who offers grace and forgiveness and mercy and love, and now I'm okay with my parents being with him.  So, I'm not sure what I felt right after my mom died.  It might have been loosing belief.  It might have been anger.  It might have been disillusionment.  I really don't know how to describe what I felt.  But, whatever it was, it prompted me to learn about God, and now my faith is stronger than it was before.  But, there was a period where I had some negative something going on about God that prompted me to look deeper and try to understand him more, but to be honest it almost feels like there are no words to describe it.  I hope that answers your question and helps some.  One thing I did learn is that God is rarely how people see him.  People project a lot of their own stuff and a lot of human qualities onto God, because that is what we understand, but I now know that God is way bigger than that.  So, I now understand that I shouldn't blame God for what people do or say.  I also realize that I shouldn't blame him for my parents deaths, because maybe something is happening that is a good thing for them that maybe I don't fully understand.  I doubt that many of us would still want to be hobbling around at 200 years old, so death must hold some good meaning that we just don't understand yet.  That doesn't mean that loosing someone doesn't hurt like heck, but maybe we just don't understand it all yet.  I don't think God is bad.

Kim - your question is forcing me to go deeper into myself and face my own pain, and that is probably good.  As I'm thinking about how I could word what I felt, I think this would be the best explanation.  My mom loved God, and so did my dad.  My mom was a lot more devout than my dad, but they both loved him.  So, with that example from them, I couldn't really not love God or not believe in him if for no other reason than it would hurt my parents.  But, it was more than that.  I had felt God many times (and deceased ancestors) when my parents were sick, so I couldn't not believe in him.  But, I needed him to be a parent then.  I was feeling the worse fear I'd ever felt in my life when my parents were dying, and the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life while they were dying and after they died and still.  And, I needed God to hold me in his arms and rock me and tell me it was going to be okay, and I needed him to open the veil and show me where my parents were and assure me they were okay.  At the same time, my emotions were so raw that I couldn't let God or anyone else see them, because I couldn't handle having them exposed.  If I was hurting this bad without them exposed, I felt like if anything exposed them that the pain would swallow me up and I would be sucked down into the depths of pain and be trapped by it.  So, I wouldn't even let God comfort me.  I was wanting him to comfort me at the same time that I was telling him he wasn't welcome, so I created my own Catch 22.  When I picture how it felt in my head, I see me standing in front of a dark gray backdrop with light gray thin and misty clouds swirling around me as I stand alone.  Even when I began to study, it was intellectual, because I needed to understand that God was an okay place for my parents to be and an okay place for me to seek solace in, but I couldn't open up.  Every time I went to church after my dad died for months, then I'd start to feel God instead of intellectualize him, and I'd sit through the whole church service and cry until I think people must have thought I was crazy.  So, I was trying to "think" God, but I wasn't "feeling" God, but it was only when I'd allow myself to feel him that I'd find any healing in it.  But, it was just to painful to feel him, because like I said before, when I felt him in church I'd cry and cry and cry.  So, I put God in an intellectual box and forced him to stay there while I studied to make sure my parents were safe with him.  It wasn't until I had healed enough from my grief that I could feel him that I began to let him help me heal.  But, for months after my dad died, I couldn't even stand to be touched by people, so how could I let God touch me.  It was that way in the last months my dad was dying.  My friend bought me a massage gift certificate for my birthday, and I had an anxiety attack at the thought of going.  I could barely breathe.  I felt like a caged animal.  I couldn't stand for anyone to touch me, because if they touched me I'd start screaming all the pain out, and I couldn't be that vulnerable.  And, that is kinda how I was with God too.  I couldn't let him touch me, because I didn't think I could handle screaming my pain out at that time.  Does this make any sense, or do I just sound like a lunatic?  Blessings to you Kim.  I will pray for you tonight.  I know how much pain you are feeling, and there is nothing else to do but be honest and admit that it sucks like nothing has ever sucked before.  But, it will improve with time.

I understood everything you said. You are not a lunitic.  as CS Lewis said, You know how people tell you that "she is happy now"  "She is at peace"  "She is in God's hands"  Well wasn't she in God's hands all the time, and I have seen what they did to her here.  Do they suddenly become gentler to us the moment we are out of the body?  And if so, why?  If God's goodness is inconsistent with hurting us, then either God is not good or there is no God: for in the only life we know He/she hurts us beyond our worst fears and beyond all we can imagine.  If it is consistent with hurting us, the He/she may hurt us after death as unendurably as before it. 

Didn't God say ask and you shall receive?  Her and I asked and asked and asked for a miracle and well yes what was received was death.  I believed, I had faith, I had hope.  I am angry with God right now.  I hope that one day, my anger will cease and I can let God in again.  I asked for God to to help me.  I asked  God to forgive me.  I asked God in my heart.  I asked God to love me and embrace me.  What do I get?  Nothing.  Total emptyness.  Any way, thank you for keeping me in your prayers.  You are a very wonderful person.  blessings and hugs 

Kim - I think maybe some change happens when we pass over that makes us more gentle on the other side.  I think this, because when my dad was dying, I had a moment when I had what the chaplain at the hospital called the Damascus Road experience.  I started getting messages.  One example:  a doctor told me there was nothing they could do for one thing that happened to my dad.  That night, I was jolted out of my sleep and literally heard a voice say, "Don't be sad, child.  An answer is coming in the morning."  At 10:00 the next morning, my phone rang.  It was the doctor telling me they had been wrong and there was something they could do.  Actually, my dad was getting better for a while after that, but he went to an abusive and neglectful nursing home that did not follow the doctors orders as well as abusing him, so he died any way even though he was improving.  That nursing home has since been closed by the state on March 1 of this year.  But, when I was having that experience of getting messages, I felt so much peace.  It latest about three days, and I got more than one message during that time.  Such peace it was amazing.  When it started to go away, I tried to hold onto it, but I couldn't stop it from going.  It felt icky when it went away even though this is the world I live in every day and it usually doesn't feel icky.  But, for a few days after when I was comparing this world to what I felt during those days of peacefulness, this felt icky here.  And, you may think this is nuts, but I almost drove off a cliff one day.  It was my fault.  I was being stupid.  My neighbor's dog was lost, and I saw a dead dog laying in the road that I thought was her dog.  I looked back to see if it was her dog, and I looked too long.  I almost drove off a cliff not too far from my house, but before I hit the guardrail, I felt hands on top of my hands and my car was jerked back onto the street.  During the time that was happening, I felt a peace like nothing I've ever experienced before.  In both cases, I didn't want that feeling of peace to leave, but it did.  Maybe there really is a time for us to die - an our time.  Maybe it is pre-decided before we are born.  Maybe it is when we reach a point in our spirit that maybe we aren't even consciously aware of.  I don't know.  But, I guess the day I almost drove off that cliff was not my time to die, because that day I was saved, and i am grateful for that due to me needing to still be here to help my dad.  But, my mom was not saved.  And, my dad was not saved.  So, I don't know the answers.  These are only my speculations.  And, if there is such peace over there, why is there such hatred and ugliness here.  It is all so confusing.  I went to a Unity Church for a while.  I could not believe very much that they believed, but one thing someone said rang true to me.  It was right after my mom died her horribly painful death, and she said, "I believe earth is hell, so we do our time here and then we go to heaven."  I'm not saying she is right, but I can sure understand how after experiencing some of the hatefulness and suffering on this planet that people can come to believe that. 

i fink u r rite storyas abot thm ballons poping it woz a mesage conecet to tht dream i had abot my dad the other day wen he said i miss u all wen we go up agan ill wite another leter on sum ballons and sea if it hapens agan even this man warking his dog jumped my dad wud make you jump for a joke sum times it cud be him still playing joke on us from heven he wood say iv bean 1s im not going agane after his heart atack yrs ago and he used to say wen i do go ill wate out side the gates and wate for yus to come then we will go in he woz so funny well you no tht

Dacha, thank you for writing.  I think something in our spirit tells us when it is from our loved ones.  We know.  For example:  right after my dad died, I came out of the store and there was a huge double rainbow.  Everyone else saw it, but something in my heart told me it was from my dad to comfort me and let me know he was alright.  Well, even though everyone in my city saw it, it had significance for me, because when my mom died there was a double rainbow outside her window and when my dad almost died 6 months before there was a double rainbow outside his window.  Then, when he dies, I get a double rainbow again.  Plus, the double rainbow followed my car.  And, when I called my niece in another city to tell her the rainbow was following my car, she told me there was a double rainbow in her parking lot in another city that had been there most of the day.  All of my neighbors were excited about the double rainbow and all of her neighbors were excited about the double rainbow, but I just know somehow that it was from my dad.  On a note more similar to what you went through, for a while after my dad died I kept finding dollar bills.  I worked a flea market booth with my dad, and we always split up the money at the end of the day, and it was usually mostly dollar bills cuz many of our items were one dollar each.  Also, I know he always worried about me not having enough money when I was out traveling by myself.  So, I kept stepping out of my car (the SUV we carried our flea market stuff in) and finding a dollar on the ground.  I put them all in the glove box between the seats, and never touched it.  Now that my dad is gone, no one else rides in my car with me.  And, I always lock my car and no one has broken into it.  But, I put those dollars in there with the intent of never spending them as I saw them as a gift from my Dad.  Once a homeless lady asked for money and I dug change and a couple of dollar bills out of my wallet, because I could not give my dad's dollar bills away - and they were in there then as I checked.  A couple of weeks later, I decided to spend them, and when I opened up the glove box with the intent of spending them, they were gone.  And, they have never returned.

I wish I was getting the signs everyone else is receiving.  I feel nothingness.

Kim, even Allison Dubois, the famous psychic, said it was nine or ten months before her dad made contact with her, because she was too close to her dad and her grief was blocking him.  It doesn't mean it won't happen for you.  And, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't mean your loved one is not there.  I think some people are more open than others.  I'm a very creative, artistic right brained person who was raised in the Appalachian Mountains where I was taught ADE's were normal - psychic experiences overall were normal.  I think those things have given me the blessing from God of being able to receive some messages.  I think left brained analytical people sometimes have a harder time.  I think people who are grieving very hard sometimes have a harder time.  I think people who are in a lot of pain or other strong emotions might have a harder time.  But, I also know how you feel.  My dad has been gone for a little over a year, and he is contacting me less and less, and I miss him and am now worried about him and asking myself where is he now that he can't contact me as often.  But, that may return as I've been having a lot more dreams about my mom lately, and she died before my dad.  The other night I was so deep in a dream that I couldn't remember it, but as I was waking up I realized that I was talking to my mom and I had her face right in front of me as I told her why I had to go and then woke up.  Had I not woke up at that moment, I would not have been aware of that encounter.  So, maybe some things are happening that you haven't recognized yet as well.

it happend agane wen we went to the semetry but this time i used 4 ballons 1 said happy fathers day dad and the other 3 wer leters the 1st1 i tost woz a sosage ballon the 2 ballon the green 1 didnt burst it the other 2 i tost in the air burts in the secnd of eash other but the green 1 went to 10 hed stone even my mums and uncles and sisters skool teacher then it jumpet and burst  if i didn no i say ot woz my dad sayin thnks for the leters on the ballons ill try it agane next time we go up i no u can do it any wer any lake beach river but 3 balons to burst and the other 1 the green 1 travling to 10 hed stones then bursting a bit strange i no

So is that what it usually its? that when you are actively grieving you block the loved one that passed away so that is why you can't see or feel his/her presence? Because I begged my dad to give me a sign that he was okay (he passed last week) but I felt nothing. My grief is devastating and tearing me apart. Once I overcome my grief and finally let go of my dad I may someday hear from him? I hope to God it's true because the thought of not being able to see any signs of his presence really upsets me. I desperately want to see him again when my time comes.

cat,

I understand what you are going through.  My loved one passed a little over a month ago and I feel nothing from her. 

i had 1 of thm strange dreams we went to sea my dad in the undertakers and in to the chaple of rest room wer he woz me and mum kisit him on the hed thn he woke up and jumpet out of the cofen mum screamed and i woz just like a shoket zobie mind u it woz the kind of thng he wood of dun allways playing jokes on us or tell us joks 

jb - Wow!  It happened again!  That is amazing!  I think your dad is waiting on this side of the pearly gates for you all to get there, so you can all go in together.  And, I think he must have taken up archery while he is waiting since he has such good aim at those balloons.  Ya know - the first time some skeptics might have said was a coincidence.  Having it happen twice it is doubtful it is a coincidence.  He is trying to tell you something, probably that he is okay.  Your dad loved jokes, so he is doing a fun thing like popping balloons.  My dad loved to call me on the phone, and so he calls me on the phone now.  My mom comes to me in dreams, and she always talked about how her parents came to her in dreams.  I think the fact that they come through in ways that are like their personalities in life says something too.  I'm so glad your balloons popped again, because now there is little room for doubt.  You know for sure your dad is with you.

Kim and Cat - I am sorry you are not having experiences.  It could be a lot of things:  it could be the grief intensity, it could be that you are not noticing things because you are grieving so bad but they are happening, it could be that you've been around a lot of people who've told you it can't happen and that has made you get to the point where it makes it harder for you to see it - there are so many things I think that can make you not be aware right away.  But, I do believe that your loved ones are still okay and still watching out for you.  I believe that it can still happen, and I hope it does happen for you.

jb - I mostly figured out how to post a picture.  I just posted a picture of my dad's cat, Nugget.

that cat is so cute and cool

jb - this is a picture of my dad at Halloween giving out candy.  My dad is dressed as a hillbilly.  The little boy with him is named Seth.  He is one of my dad's adopted grandchildren.  My dad had a bunch of grandkids who adopted him and he adopted them that weren't really related to us.  I'm still close to most of them since my dad died. 

he reminds me of my dad full of fun and life tht littel lad reminds me of our domino i say litel his biger thm me now

jb - thanks.  If and when you are ever up to it (I know it can be hard to look at pictures, so if you can't do it yet, I understand), I'd like to see a picture of your dad sometime.  Thanks,

tht my dad wit my antis dog

u can sea ther storyas how animals wod cum to him tht dog ther my antis dog it woz born in her hous and died in her hous woz born in my antis arms and died in her arms she caled tht dog sammy but sum tims wen she barket tht mush she wood call her gob sh&te

Your dad looks like a really nice guy.  He looks like a kind and happy person.  And, I always trust and love people who like animals.  I got sad seeing the picture of you dad, because he reminded me of my dad a bit, and because I hate to see someone who is so kind and happy and loving life leave.  But, he and my dad probably both have many other wonderful things that they are loving where they are now too.  That is a neat story about your aunt's dog.  She must have had quite a bond with that dog for him to come into and leave this world both in her arms.  Wow!  I bet she had a hard time getting over loosing a dog she had shared so much with.   My dad's cat that died - my dad had two cats originally but one had feline leukemia and died - was a gray cat, and his name was Samson, but we usually called him Sammy or Sam.  We even had a song we would sing to him, and every time we would sing the song he would come running and sit with us.  I'm gonna be seen as really silly, but I'm gonna share the song.  To the tune of "Mr. Sandman", we would sing:  Mr. Sam Man, Come Sit With Me, Cuz Your The Cutest Cat, I've Ever Seen, You're So Much Cuter, Than Most Darn Rovers, and Your Paws, They Look Like Four Leaf Clovers.  That song just popped in my head one day when I was petting him like it was supposed to be his song and his guardian angel or a spirit guide or someone gave it to us.  Every time we'd start singing that song, he'd run and sit with us.  I'll post a picture in a minute of both kitties together before our Sam died.  Thank you for sharing the picture of your dad.  I like his smile - I can see it even though he is turned toward the dog.  He looks like such a happy guy.

jb - the gray cat is our Sam (Samson).  I loved him so much.  I was way closer to him than I ever was to Nugget or ever will be to Nugget.  Sam and I had a bond like nothing I've ever had with a cat.  I loved him so much.  I'm crying just looking at his picture.  I miss him so much.  He was the neatest cat I've ever met.  He was snuggly, played fetch, ate the meat right off my plate cuz I let him - he was a neat cat.  I can't even put it all in words.  All I know is that I will never again love another cat like I loved him.  So, now I've met your Sammy and you've met my Sammy.  Although I've never called my Samson a gob shite, but I sure have called Nugget that a few times.  Those two are so different even though they were brothers.  Sam was a lovey snuggle bunny and Nugget wants to play rough and fight most of the time.  I love Nugget too, but Sam was my baby and my dad's baby.  I hope they are together now and really enjoying each other.  I hid from my dad that Sam died, because my dad was so sick, and I was scared it would kill him he loved that cat so much.  I guess he knows now.  I hope they are together and loving each other and waiting for me, but not waiting so much that they are loosing out on enjoyment they can have.

this cat we had yrs ago died of feline likeama as welll he let every cat bully him he never fort bac

jb - that is how Samson was; he was just so sweet.  When we found him he'd been beat up by antoher cat (he was just a little baby) and that is how he got feline leukemia.  I loved him so much.  This kitty you had is so very cute.  He looks like he has hair on top of his head and a mustache cuz of the black color on his white color.  He is so cute.  I'm so sorry he died too.  It is awful to loose the sweet ones like that.  It hurts more when they are so sweet.  Thanks for sharing the picture.

jb - the way your kittie is sitting in this picture too he looks like he is sitting on his bottom and sitting up like humans do.  He looks like he is sitting like a human, has hair on his head and a moustache - he almost looks like a little person.  He is so cute.

this other cat we had wood bully all the cats but kind to humans

but he died of feline aids

and this dog we had yrs ago storyas wood get u out of bed at 1am or 2 am to bark at the mooon she did no the wonde i used to fall asleeep in class and geting kept behind but she died of old age

Everyone - look at this URL.  It has been a researched (snopes is a good research tool) and proven that a man called many many people from his cell phone for 11 hours after he died.  It's not our imaginations.  And, the same thing happened with them that happened with my dad - just static and a hang up.  http://www.snopes.com/horrors/ghosts/deadcall.asp

jb- that kitty looks so cute it's hard to imagine him beating up the other cats, but I can believe it cuz my Nugget can be that way.  That dog is cute - something about him just makes me believe immediately that he could give the moon a good howl.  They way he is sitting in that chair so prim and proper combined with the look on his face makes him look like a fortune teller, and fortune tellers, as I understand it any way, are affected by the moon.  I guess it's time to tell you that I have a very over-active imagination, and I'm grateful for it.  It keeps me young.

i do get told i let my imanginson go  krazy tht why i have strange dreams tht cat on the tabel u d thng butter woodnt melt in his moth but yrs ago evry cat woz skared of him but kind to humans and the cat with the mush tash wood let cats buly him let other cats pinch his foood our cat we hav now is a bit of rebbel allways doing somthng cute and norty like pulling cloths offff the radihater and geting in side the waste band of trouserss

I wanted to post this again to make sure others saw it.  I was afraid it would get lost in between all of the pictures jb and I were sending each other.  I think this is important proof that After Death Experiences do happen.  It has been a researched (snopes is a good research tool) and proven that a man called many many people from his cell phone for 11 hours after he died.  It's not our imaginations.  And, the same thing happened with them that happened with my dad - just static and a hang up.  http://www.snopes.com/horrors/ghosts/deadcall.asp

My 8 year old daughter told me that she dreamed of grandpa sitting next to her on a bench and that all he said to her was "I am well". She told me was not making it up at all. My father passed away two weeks ago. I pray to God that this is in fact an ADC with my daughter from my father. Even if he is not able to reach me as my heart still aches I'd feel so much better if my daughter was able to hear from him. She, was, in fact, the very last person he saw before he went into a coma. He looked at her and gave her a final big smile. I miss my dad so much!!

Cat, shortly after my mom died, i had a dream where my mom came to me and said, "I feel much better now" which was a relief to hear, because she was suffering so much at the end.  I think she was truly telling me she is okay, and I think your father was telling your daughter he was okay.  Sometimes it is easier for kids to get the messages, because they haven't bought into the notion that this can't happen yet.  My grand-niece kept saying she saw a woman who looked like my mom after my mom died, but my niece wasn't even born until after my mom died, so it wasn't from memory that my niece was seeing my mom.  Besides, every one felt my mom at the birth of this niece, and my mom's birthday was 2/23 and my niece was born at 2:23 pm after well over a day of feeling my mom with us while my niece was in labor.

Cat - I think meditation is a good idea.  I think it will help you during the grief process.  There is a Zen Center not too far from my house, and I have considered doing meditation with them.  Maybe you doing it will inspire me to get off my duff and do it myself.  There is a book I bought to help me learn to meditate called Meditation for the Love of it.  A physical therapist I have recommended it to me.  She said it teaches you how to go into a state of meditation during the middle of a stressful situation instead of getting overcome by the stress.  She said it doesn't just teach you how to meditate when you are sitting down and choosing to but it teaches you how to meditate whenever and wherever without drawing attention to yourself.  I haven't started it yet, but she said it is good.  I also bought a book called The  Breathing Book, so I could start to do the exercises in it to help me with stress. 

why does god have to make our communications with our loved ones so mysterious?! why cant it be a definite thing?  if god is making this happen this way i think its sorta cruel. especially when im grasping at straws.

had to go to another funrell today yhe 1st 1 sinse my dads funrell the same preast who did my dads woz a very ild frend of my mums and dad but wen i woz in the church i felt sumthnk cold be hind me i no there woz nobody there coz we wer siting in the bac but it felt cold and like sum 1 woz behind me or unless my imaginasions is runing wild even before we cum out the church after servise wer the funrell directer bourd behid the coffen for the ball bures to pick her up then wen we cum out of the church it went

Sorry everyone - I will come back and read your messages that I've missed the past couple of days.  But, for now, I'd like to tell you all about a dream I had.  I was at a shopping mall and I was supposed to be with my dad and caring for him, but he was never in the dream.  I was there with my younger brother and my dad's and now my friend, Rick.  Well, at one point I realized my dad was not with me, so I asked Rick and my brother where he was.  They told me he drove his truck home.  I could not believe they let him drive.  I even asked them how well he was walking, and they said "Not so good."  I was running through the mall looking for him.  At the beginning of the dream I'd been carrying these two hat boxes of cards (I sent out a lot of cards when my dad was sick and send them now to sick people and people in nursing homes), and i realized as I looked for my dad I'd lost the boxes of cards and I was feeling a great loss from that.  But, I kept looking for my dad.  At one point I was with Rick's wife.  We were looking out the window and a big yellow thing flew by and fell into a big fan on top of a building and then she was just standing and watching as all kinds of commotion started and I was running from the window and begging her to come with me but she was just watching as things seemed to move wiggly like they were in a different dimension.  Then, I went to one shop where I asked for help but since I wasn't buying anything they made fun of me and told me to go away.  One lady made fun of me and she had dark eyes and I got in her face and told her that maybe I was in need but she had no soul and that was a worse place to be in.  Then, she starts telling me what is wrong with me for worrying about my dad and my cards, but I told her over and over that she had no soul until she had no argument left to minimize me and then she walked away, looking back once with her dark eyes like she was going to say something else but didn't before she turned away again and walked away  In the window behind her was that parallel universe type thing again.  Finally, I get down stairs and my brother approaches me from a crowd.  This is a brother who has mental disease and abused my dad, so Adult Protective Services took my dad away from him and gave him to me, so I felt a bit of fear as he approached me.  Then, he tells me not to worry but the river will be full of blood that night from a car (I think he told me color and stuff but I don't remember) that my dad hit on the way home.  I asked him if my dad was okay, and he said he died on impact and never knew what hit him.  When I first woke up, I felt very disturbed, but then I calmed down as I seemed to magically realize that the dream was telling me that my dad had never known what hit him and was away from this but I was the one still running around in hell facing my brother with mental disease who would let an old man drive when he isn't able to and my friend's wife who is an alcoholic and our culture's focus on shopping and making money above people and heartless people who have no souls yet he is free.  Does that make sense that that is what it meant or do you think the dream was a bad warning that something is not okay with my dad on the other side.

One other thing I wanted to tell you is that yesterday I was interviewed about an abusive employee who worked in the nursing home my dad had been in at the end.  He actually died from neglect and abuse at that nursing home.  It looks like she might get in quite a bit of trouble for what she did.  Maybe having that interview yesterday led to the dream, because in that nursing home were a lot of soul less people who you'd beg for help and they'd let your family member suffer while they treated you at the nursing station like those ladies at the mall desk in my dream treated me.  Maybe the dream was letting me know that those who were involved in the abuse will unravel now (like the wiggly parallel universe seemed to be coming apart) and they were mad at me for that.  The nursing home has already been closed but it seems more action will be taken against individual employees who actually abused.

The thing I like about dreams is they allow you to continue that relationship with your departed one that you miss the most - seeing them and being with them. If you go to bed and say "this is what I want to dream about" and start thinking about it....it happens. I can go to bed the next night and start the same dream off when it ended the night before. I have always been able to revisit my dreams. My mother has not called me on my cell phone in a few weeks, but she comes to me as a gigantic Monarch Butterfly at the weirdest moments.

Sue - another weird thing happened.  As I said, I told the truth about that person who abused my dad yesterday.  It was weird.  the way that meeting came about seemed to be set up by my dad - it fell in my lap.  Then, I thought he wanted me to bring the person he told me in life had abused him to justice, so I did the right thing and told that truth.  Then, I had this dream.  And, this morning I woke up and there was an old email a good employee from that nursing home who had tried to help my dad had sent me - and it was resent last night after that meeting - dated 7/5 - resent from two years ago.  It was waiting in my email box this morning.  My dad set it up for me to bring this woman to justice - every step of the way up to me being able to tell his truth yesterday was so weird it had to be him setting it up and then I get that email just like he calls me on the phone.  I did the right thing.  I did it for my dad.  He's been asking me to from the other side.  I think this woman will be in very big trouble but it will protect many abused old people from her.  I think all of this is from my dad.

the preast who did my dads funrell woz the same 1 who did my mum and dads frend father s he come to sea how we wer in the church and tht but it woz hard to stay strong but i felt like sumthnk woz behind me all the tim and we wer siting at the bac i no the funrell director woz out side with the pallbures so it wozent thm pluss we didnt use tht funrell company pluss i woz singing the wong page pleased no 1 herd but it brot bac all the memrie of my dads funrell 

i woz in church beging and praying for a litelsilly mistake i made today and father d come to tark to me and dasi god fogives every 1 and not towory abot silly litel mustakes coz we alll make thm even preasted make thm