Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jillian Margaret Dalziel on May 25, 2011 at 9:45pm

Dear Deborah, my heart aches for you and the pain that you are going through.  Everything you are going through is normal and is a part of grieving.  It has only been 1 year since you lost the love of your life so yes, the emptiness and crying is what you should be feeling.  I lost my husband 27 months ago.  He died on the anniversary of our first meeting.  We had been in each others lives for exactly 35 years and we both knew from the start that we were meant to be together until the end of time.  My first year, I cried at the smallest thing and felt so empty that I didn't think that I wanted to wake each morning but I did and I just had to keep going.  On my bad days, I just shut the door and stayed at home but on my good days, I spent time with my friends who were very tolerant of my moods.  The saying is that time heals all things and it does get easier to bear. Dont get me wrong, I still  have bad days. I am still angry that my husband left me here without his support and love but I also know that he is in a place where he feels no pain now.  Prayer helps a great deal. Time will help, it hasn't been very long for you - go with the feelings and remember the good times and the love that you shared and it will get easier in time.  If you feel that you want to chat more, I am always here.  God bless you and keep you in his hands.

Permalink Reply by Deborah Dodds on May 25, 2011 at 10:59pm

Thank you Jillian for your reply.  I haven't stopped crying for 2 days.  I was just remembering his last words to me on the phone and It hurts so bad.  I do pray daily more than once a day.  On my bad days I prefer to be alone too and not answer the phone or deal with life.  On my good days, like you, I visit with friends and am out and about doing things.  Just this week, I haven't felt like doing anything.  Just the basics are hard to do.  I want to wake up from this nightmare and be back in his arms and I know that won't happen.  Thank you again for your input and support.  It is much appreciated, Love Deb

Permalink Reply by Jillian Margaret Dalziel on May 25, 2011 at 11:08pm

Feel free to chat anytime either here or in private messages.  I know exactly how you are feeling now - today is a good day for me but who knows what tomorrow brings.  Try and concentrate on the good things that you shared.  It does get easier, but takes time and it is different for each of us.  Much love and good thoughts are in my heart for you. XX

 

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on May 25, 2011 at 11:10pm

I'm so sorry to hear you're having to go through all this.  I don't know if I can say what's normal with something like it or not.  I can say that I can very much relate to that emptiness, and sometimes crying harder than I ever have before.  In the almost four months since my wife killed herself, I've felt much of the same, along with a sense of unreality at times.  And, yeah, sometimes it's all but impossible to care about anything else.

 

I don't know when it stops.  I know that talking with people and connecting with people, like from this site, has helped.  At least, it helps for awhile.  I keep hearing it will eventually get better.  I don't know when that's supposed to be, but I've heard it from enough people that I trust that I'm willing to take their word for it.  That, at least, has helped me keep going.  I know praying's helped, too.  Sometimes it's trying to be thankful for the time we did have.  Sometimes it's railing at God about why this had to happen and why I'm having to live through it now.  I reckon He understands, and has been crying with me.  That sense sometimes helps, too.

Permalink Reply by Deborah Dodds on May 25, 2011 at 11:46pm

Sean, first of all I am so sorry to hear about your loss. All loss is so difficult to deal with especially when it is a loved one.  Especially the love of your life.  I don't know when or if it will ever end.  But like you, I listen to others say that it will get easier and that gives me hope that I won't always be in such pain.  You are right about being thankful for the time that we did have together and that is what I must focus more upon rather than what I am missing.  Time..... It will all take time.  Thanks for  your reply and your support.  Keep your head up my friend.  Love Deb

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on May 27, 2011 at 10:00am

Thanks, Deb.  This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, as I'm sure you well understand.  It says a lot that you can still reach out to someone else who's hurting and try to offer some support and comfort despite how rough things are for you, too.  Keep your head up as well, and know I'm around if you want/need to talk.  *hugs*