I have to say this is not starting off the way I had hoped. On April 19th, 2016, my father suddenly passed, it shattered my heart and is completely broken. The worst part is not having all the answers as to what happened while he was in the emergency room. According to my stepmom, in the morning he was laughing and joking with the nurses, by 4 pm he was gone. It feels so unreal to me and to make it hurt even worse, he died the same exact day my mom passed in 2002 what are the odds of that? I woke up that day mourning my mother, by the end of the day I was mourning the loss of my father and was trying to process it all. I am trying so hard to move forward day by day but my heart aches so bad. I am single mother of 3 girls and trying to be strong for them is a challenge. I do not show them I am sad or angry or broken. I feel like everything is so unfair, I had so much to say to him and I am always going to regret not answering his phone call a few days before he passed and always going to regret not calling him back. I was so consumed with struggles in my life that I held off on calling him so he would not have to hear me stressed out about what is going on with me. I did not want to take my frustrations out on him, I did not want him to worry about me. I figured if I would get myself together before I called so in hopes he would not notice. I always talked to my dad about my problems but things have been so intense the last 6 months that my I have not been a positive person like I normally am. Not being able to make that phone call or hear his voice anymore kills me. I have also been so busy that I have not had time to really grieve and collect my thoughts. Both my parents are gone and I am feeling so very lost. 

My dad's remembrance I made. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoyVU_aaQ3M