Hello my name is Jennifer and I'm new here. This is my first time going through this so let me tell you the story. My fiancé, my prom date, my 10 year relationship has ended last year on the night of October 3, 2015 when my fiancé call me while I was still at work and told me he was biking to the store to get some drinks. On the way in the same street we lived, not even that far of traveling he was hit by a speeding car and drove off left him behind injured badly, he was laying there until a young couple saw him, the man gave him cpr while his girlfriend call 911. He got a pulse but when the ambulance came he was pronounced dead. This all happened when I'm still at work right after I just talk to him. His aunt live right there where it happened her husband went outside to look to see what's going on that's when they found out. About an hour and a half after I came home from work I realize it was taking too long for him to come home I started to worry and I decide to open on my Tauro card on my phone and death card show up that's when I got a knock on the door, I open the door and noticed some of his family was there and I saw his aunt crying and I knew something wasn't right, that's when one of them starting to speak to me. I'm sorry to tell you this but Charlie has been in a accident and he did not make it, right there my heart just dropped everything in my body my mind everything I was shocked I was terrified I was freaking out everything that you know what it feels like when you lost somebody. Now after few months passed by of work and living on my own I realized I did not have enough to support myself so I ended up going home to my mom which she knew it was better for me to come home. I'm glade she's want to help me go through this but she's so busy with work which I get it, she not really understand what I'm going through not even my brother know what to say, for that it kind of left me alone with my emotions. This is how I ended up searching on google to find a online group where I can open up my emotions, that's how I got here.

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Thank you Peggy, I'm glad I found a place where I feel opened

Jennifer,

I am very sorry for your loss.  I am sorry I don't know what to say.  I hope you can find the strength to carry on.  I hope we all will do.  The pain is so great that no words can describe.  The past few days I've realized the "Devil" is inside of me.  It's actually not an entity, but rather, all of my good memories of my wife and I.  It haunts me; it tortures me knowing that I can't never have anymore of those good memories.  I am imprisoned within my own self--imprisoned from something that supposed to be wonderful--imprisoned from my own memories.

I am sorry for sounding so depressed.  In some ways, I wanted to share my feeling with you to let you know that we are on the same boat.  I have not expressed deeply to anyone about my feelings since my wife passing.  It's only on here I can formulate some words.  The pain is just too much.  My desk starting to collect the tears that now have crystalized.  When will this pain ever going to stop...

I hope you can carry on and be much stronger than me.  I really do and meant it. 

Hollowed,

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