I just want to stay in bed

My fiance passed away 4/27/12----  he was the love of my life.

I am in the middle of my school internship and I have to go this morning but I cant seem to get out of bed.  I don't want to go but I know I need to because I did not go yesterday.   I went on monday and had 2 panic/anxiety attacks.  I am worried it will happen again.  So I don't feel like going.  I know my fiance would want me to get my butt out of bed and go.  But it is soooo hard. 

Lord give me strength to get out of bed and go to my internship and may I not have any kind of attack. Death SUCKS

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Permalink Reply by Brandon R on May 23, 2012 at 12:54pm

Renee.  I know the feeling.  I am a teacher.  My girlfriend, and the love of my life died December 19.  It is so hard to cope with life each day.  I had my evaluation my my AP today and his comments were kind of harsh.  I am so annoyed.  Its like no one gets it or cares what I have gone through.  You just have to keep on keeping on.  Its all you can do.  It gets a little easier as the months pass, but its certainly the most difficult ordeal of my life and I have had more than a few. 

If you need anything, let me know.

Brandon

Permalink Reply by renee collier on May 23, 2012 at 9:46pm

Hi

Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on May 23, 2012 at 1:47pm

hi renee,

sorry for your loss. and trust me i have and continue to walk your shoes. and know the feeling of fear for a panic/anxiety attach far too well. i lost my husband 1 year ago, and it still feels so fresh. i still have those days when I wake up, and just feel helpless like nothing its worth me getting up. nothing to look forward to doing.

all i can tell you is to lean on your daughter for support and strenght. that is what i have done with my son, since loosing the love of my life.

 

please feel free to write back.

 

take care,

Amanda

Permalink Reply by renee collier on May 23, 2012 at 9:54pm

Thank you Amanda.  I am sorry for your loss. I talk to people like yourself who have lost their loved one a year or more and they are still grieving.  That alone gives me anxiety because it makes me feel like this emptiness will never go away.  To think I will still feel lonely in a year from now WOW.  My fiance was only 43 and I am 40 and I keep thinking wow,  I have to live so long without him  provided I make it to a ripe old age. And at this point I don't care. My daughter has been great.  She is what is keeping me going. 

I'm glad you have had the support of your son.  That is a blessing.

Thank you so much for reaching out to me.  I appreciate it and it helps me get through another day.  This is such a great site :)

Take care.

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