I am lost

On September 28th, 2008 it began and I wonder if its over. I lost the woman who would have been my mother in law, she was one of the finest people I knew & always treated me like family. She died suddenly of a massive stroke or heart attack in her sleep, peacefully but leaving us all in shock and missing her so much.
Then on Oct 31st 2008, I was having a fun normal Halloween and just called to wish my sister a Happy Halloween and she sounded so strange & told me that someone was on their way. I didn't understand & had to drag out of her that my dad (not hers) may be dead. I called my grandmother & got my uncle who confirmed that he had been murdered by my 17 year old brother.
Then in April 2009 the man who would have been my father in law passed after being sick for sometime. It was expected but still very hard and painful.
In August 2009 my mother, the woman who adopted and raised me and loved me so much finally succumbed to the disease that had taken her away a long time ago, althzeimers. Those were alot of hard hitting tramatic losses. Then dealing with the trial of my brother. I thought maybe things finally had come to a place of some peace maybe. But I was so wrong.
On June 6th 2010 my life truly changed forever and I cannot recover. My fiance, the man I have been with for 6 years died in front of me with a massive heart attack. Here alone at home in bed. Just dies.
Since then I don't know where I am or what I am doing. I thought maybe I was coming to terms finally dealing with this maybe it was getting tolerable but its not. Not even a little. I feel like I am lost and abandoned. I don't know what to do or where to turn anymore. I believe in God, I have a church.
But nothing seems to help. I need help. I don't want to work or really leave home. I just want to stay here, stay in bed, just stay in & away.
If I died I really don't think anyone would know for days. Maybe weeks. Who knows?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on November 30, 2010 at 8:12am
Oh Gosh--- I am very sorry for what you are going through. When my mom was first murdered, I wouldn't leave my house either. A good friend of mine begged me to go to lunch one day and I did. It was very hard and kinda scary. I realized that it only feels like I'm dying and it is something that you have to teach yourself to cope with. It does not make it easier or less painful but if you don't want to be a shut in from now on you just have to do it. I am sorry that I don't have better advice but I am still struggling, myself, and just trying to get through every day.
Permalink Reply by Mundae Leigh Burnette on November 30, 2010 at 8:22am
I am so very sorry about your mother. I know that losing her that way is so very different than the usual. I don't want to be around anyone then again I don't want to be alone. Its all so crazy. I'll keep u in my prayers. Thank you
Permalink Reply by melissa fulmer on November 30, 2010 at 8:25am
Munde, i am so sorry to hear all that you are dealing with. Dealing with a loss is so difficult. My 15 year old sister whom i helped raise passed away in a car accident December of last year. I am still having such a hard time with this. I cant imagine what you are going through dealing with the mulitple losses that you have. if you need anything or just someone to talk to let me know. i could use someone myself to share my feelings with. it may sound strange but i am not comforatable talking to my family members. Take care.
Permalink Reply by Mundae Leigh Burnette on November 30, 2010 at 8:31am
Melisssa,

Thank you, I am so sorry about your sister. I know it has to be so awful without her. She was so young and I know how unfair it has to seem. If u need to talk let me know. I am sure we can cry together & that's ok. Thank you again.
Permalink Reply by melissa fulmer on November 30, 2010 at 9:48am
thank you. we can talk anytime. sometimes i feel like its better to talk to a friend rather then family. im here if you need me.

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My mom had pulmonary fibrosis. She was sick for a few years. It was funny how when my grandmother smoked, my mom would always say-I’m gonna die from second hand smoke. My mom never smoked. She died from lung disease. Ironic.I was fine at the funeral. Planning. Talking to everyone. I thought u handled it great. Now 4 months later, I’m a mess. Some days I’m perfectly fine, but others I can’t walk down the street without crying. I keep thinking that I haven’t talked to her in a while & I…See More
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