This is my first time reaching out to others who can relate to what I'm feeling, and I feel like I need to because I feel so alone and so sad all day, every day. My fiancé was such a wonderful man, my biggest support, and my best friend. I'd known him for over ten years. His grandmother lived in the house across the street from me growing up and I always considered her family. He was a recovering addict and alcoholic and I was unaware of the extent until long after we were dating. He was in such a good place that I couldn't believe he had been so deep in to his addiction. We were engaged and moved in together a little over a year after we had begun dating. He apparently relapsed and I came home from work one normal morning and found him in our home. I can remember everything so clearly and it haunts me every day, mostly at night when I try to sleep. I see it every time I close my eyes. It's been a year and a half and I still feel like it was yesterday. I feel like I'm walking around with  hole in my chest and I can't imagine living the rest of my life with this pain. I don't feel like there's anyone I can talk to who can understand. Please help.