Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by rachel_micele on May 25, 2015 at 12:22am

Hi Ross,

I lost my boyfriend (how much we loved each other and had our entire future planned, you could just as well called him my husband) 30 minutes after my last contact with him. Also heart issues. He collapsed and was gone. Blood clot in his heart. On a side note he was also a truck driver and in June of 2013 got blown over, which completely changed his driving career. The wind picked up truck and trailer (empty reefer) and slammed him down on the shoulder grass incline. The storm came up so fast, no warning, and he was not able to get to a safe place in time. But anyway, he passed in March of this year at only 46.

The shock and unexpected shattering of my world has been very hard to cope with. I feel you can totally relate to that. Also your comment of sometimes wanting to give up, I've had to talk and process suicide with my counselor. The pain of losing the person you loved more than life itself is so unbearable. My boyfriend and I were together a short 3 1/2 years and losing him has been so earth shattering awful, I can't imagine or know how you are feeling losing your remarkable wife of 35 years.

This post of yours touched my heart.

Also, to comment from a previous post of the friend relating a death to falling off a horse ... would of never expected a person to relate a passing to something so simple as that. I'm still a bit baffled by it. For me, I didn't just fall off a horse. I fell off a horse and died.

Permalink Reply by Felicia Evans on May 26, 2015 at 3:05am

I m still in shock. My mom was sick and her doctor tells us she didn't have long to live. She died the day after her 84th birthday. I never thought my nephew my mom's first grandson would die suddenly 4 months later. What punch in the gut! He died due to blood clots in his chest too. For the first time in my life I screamed and cried controllable. I would like to tell his kids it gets better over time. But I can't...I mean my brain says it but my heart doesn't. All I know is my mom raised my nephew along with me and after she passed away my nephew said he couldn't bear life without her...4 months later he was gone too. I hope my faith is right and my mom and my nephew are together again. I had a dream and in it, my mom told me my nephew was ok, that he was with her. Then she said we'll be back for you later. For now, you must go on and live your life...it was so real. I'm trying to go on, mom, I really am. Still hurting and sad signing out.

Permalink Reply by stewart p on May 26, 2015 at 11:12pm

I lost my wife of 20 some years nearly 2 years to the date here soon.    Life goes on in one form or another.  Never does a day rarely pass I dont think about her one way or another.  When it does and I realize the next day I didnt think about her yesterday, to be honest Im a little relived to have some relief.  Thinking back today on the first few months I dont even know how I made it through it.  It was the worst experience in my entire life Ive ever had and Ive been down some pretty tough roads before.  But I guess that I might here to this point so far gives me a little hope and encouragement that this too shall pass. Pass in a good way I mean as in I can make it through another day.  I will admit, I'm getting tired of just making through yet another day as they so often seem tied to each other with grief.  Im tiring of it and do want something more to look forward to again.  Im really struggling trying to step forward, heck I don't even know what that would like.  I write down ideas and goals and steps to get there, but then the day comes and I just cant get excited about any of it to do anything about it.  On the other hand there is this force behind that I growing weary of my life feeling like at a standstill and not moving in any worthwhile direction.  I guess for me its a matter of having the wind knock out of my sails from the whole ordeal, and then staying in a dark safe corner of the room waiting for it to pass, while it changes it never really passes.  But then these past few months another feeling is beginning to emerge, almost as some sort of force that is beginning to press on me and say I have got to get up and out of my corner, Im tiring of my life standing in holding pattern of sorts.  Im sure this is all normal as part of the greif process, and since there is not a damn thing in the world I can do to change any of it, Im trying to believe that God as I understand him has a purpose in all this and Im have to be willing to just let go and let God.  A leap of faith, one I have read of many before me have made and that I too surely can do, I just have to work on not letting my thinking get too much in the way.  Love, life as they say is bitter sweet and I sure can understand more as each day passes.  I wish it was the way it use to be, I know how that longing feels, but I also know if I am to survive I must go with what is real now.  Its been 2 years so far, and it might be another 2 or 4 before this actually begins to kick in for me, for others it might be less or more time.  But I also I recognize that it is what is real and I will have to take those steps at some point, and what that looks like remains to be seen, but it also can impact positively every moment, every spoken word every relationship I have with those around me moving forward.  God bless us all thank him for his tender grace and mercy.