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Permalink Reply by Dolly on July 7, 2013 at 4:23pm

you sound just like me...people either don't talk to me at all, or talk to me like I'm too fragile or crazy to really talk to..just sort of placate me..but nobody wants to talk about my son who died...I want to talk about him and about where he is now and also about all the wonderful things I remember about him..I asked one relative to see if he could find some pictures of him..he's taken so many pictures over the years..but he said he couldn't find any...my sister talks to me a little but she didn't really know my son so she can't say much..she did lose a baby to crib death at 3 months tho and can identify with the terror and agony of it all...I have had days where I'm so anxious I have to take valium and go to bed and nap...I feel all shaky inside and SO full of panic...I can hardly go into a store, and if I do I pray the whole time I won't see anyone I know because then all the prancing around the subject starts and just leaves me exhausted...its been only 2 months so far for me, but nothing is getting easier...I do seem to burst out crying less, but other than that everything is still about the same as it was within a week or so after his death...the first couple of weeks I was a total zombie....and cried and was so depressed....they say it gets better, but others say it keeps coming back and some say it comes back worse....I hope the ones who say it gets better are right...living like this is awful....

Permalink Reply by Elley on July 9, 2013 at 6:11pm

Marilyn im so sorry for your loss. For me its been 8months and my sister is the first thing on my mind when I wake and when I go to bed shes the last thing on my mind.Some days are better than others but when the wave comes the pain is so intense.I didn't get to see how you lost your son?I feel the same no one wants to hear about my sister especially my parents.I think they forgot they have another daughter.i feel lik I lost them too.They say that only time helps but for me I don't even want to think bout time passing I almost feel like a drowning sensation knowing I have to spend the rest of my life without my sister.I surround myself with pictures of my sister I want her memory to live on it always will.I think you should talk about your son im always here if u want to chat I  try to come on once a day but sometimes there is long gaps between people posting.i find the more I talk about my sister it helps because its real.I hope that both of us will get to the point where we know they would want us to go on with our lives and be happy I know its hard now but one day it will get easier for both of us.For me I just hate this dark place grief has taken me its especially hard with no friends or family here where I live well my close friends all abandoned me guesss they never were friends.You really find out who your real friends are when you go through times like these.