Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Judith Brandl on March 25, 2013 at 2:40am

Hi Ellen, It is so very hard to go on after losing a loved one. You have gone through so much loss, it's unfathonable. Someone asked me how I have been doing the other day, because I just lost my husband in October of 2012. When I told him that I had just started to feel like I could get out of bed and have an okay day once in a while, he replied in a puzzled way that when his wife died of cancer, he simply looked at it as God's will. As if I should look at it the same way. I think sometimes it's better to say nothing at all then to give a glib quotation or compare your grief process to someone else's. I think people simply don't know what to say sometimes. All I can say is that my heart truly goes out to you. I completely understand why your life is full of pain and sadness. You have every right to feel the way that you do. I've not stopped grieving for my mother yet, she died of emphyzema six years ago, as you know its a very painfull way for someone to have to pass. I will say that my grief has changed, it goes through stages, but I don't think I've ever stopped grieving for my loved ones. They are pieces of us and they are missing from our hearts and our lives. I do think God understands our grief and even our anger at our loss and even at him, and I think that we can feel free to express it to him, it may bring some healing. All I hope for myself and for you and for everyone else that has lost a loved one or many loved ones, is that we become stronger through our grief out of necessity, and with that strenth maybe we can help others that are grieving. You are very young to have suffered and endured so much. I think that you are a very brave young women and I send nothing but warm thoughts to your heart and I pray that you'd be blessed<3

Permalink Reply by Angel on April 30, 2013 at 7:37am

How I wish I could just sit back and view my life as God's will..in my rational mind Iknow that's true ...but in my heart it is so very hard to accept...I will write this in chronological order not in order of importance.....I lost my Wonderful father ....then my 21 year old daughter in a car accident.......a cousin who I grew up with a sisters...at 50 years old to lung cancer.....next my closest friend of 30 years.....6 months later  my sister to suicide...she jumped in front of a train...next it was my in-laws one week apart from each other...and then my husband was dx with lung and bone cancer....he lived 3 1/2 years....2 of which were like living in hell due to the pain of the cancer eating all his ribs on one side and parts of his spine...he passed at 54 on my deceased daughter's birthday......shortly after my friend of 48 years...since we were 10 years old..I talked to for hours one sunday....and she passed that night....I pray for everyone who knows the heartache of loss...and especially multiple losses.....I don't feel as if I am the same as everyone else..that I don't fit in...I can't make friends...or meet a partner....I sabatoge my own life for fear of getting close and someone else passing...leaving me....I live in fear now..that something will happen to one of my other children..or my grandchildren....to anyone I love..I go on...I'm not a couch potatoe....bu tit's like being in a dream.....

Permalink Reply by s savoie on April 30, 2013 at 8:04am

I understand what you are saying.  I also get weary of hearing how there is a reason for everything that happens and that God has a plan. I question that.  I am getting back into counseling again and trying to find others who understand. But no one can tell you how you should be feeling.   Every day is a challenge for me, but I tell myself to just keep moving forward...one step at a time.  I have 3 wonderful kids (ages 27, 25, 21).  So lucky to have them! I stay focused on them and try to be the best I can for them.  Hope you have a good day today and glad you found this site also.

Permalink Reply by marilynne j on May 27, 2013 at 7:56pm

Ellen I sure can feel your pain 2008 lost sister,2009 mother,2010 two brothers,2011 grandson, 2013 my dog of 12 years...what an awful feeling you have inside of you to know they are all gone.  I try to move on with working lots of hours and my daughter (and familY)  in one state and my husband left in another state but I can defintely feel you pain.  You have my Blessings Marilynne