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Comment by Dolly on August 22, 2015 at 8:50am

Thats what I did for a long time and still do for a good part of most days

Jill... not in bed but in the living room watching Project Runway, Beach Flip, Y&R, any old movie that's not too sad, America's Got Talent, House Hunters International, anything where I can sort of pretend I'm there and not here..that that is my life not this... I probably will keep falling into this as much as I can let myself.. at least for now... I have to stop thinking about reality for as much of the time as I can ... reality is too awful... not everything about reality is awful, but the awful parts are SO awful I  have to shove them away somehow..

Comment by Jill E on August 21, 2015 at 2:59pm

I have 4 dogs but if I could I would get a puppy to nurture. It is so hard to even lift my arms. I feel like a blob. My days consist of forcing myself out of bed, praying my husband does not make me feel guilty about wanting to stay in bed, watching game show network or court TV and playing stupid games on my phone because I can't let my brain go idle. If my brain goes idle then the pain comes out and I can't help sobbing and sobbing. I would like to try and read to escape but I can't concentrate for long so there I go back to anything that keeps my brain as full as I can get it. Exhausted but husband has me kind of coerced into going to this little mining town for lunch. I tell myself that will be good but all I want to do is go back to bed. WYWH Joshie

Comment by Jill E on August 21, 2015 at 2:58pm

Please oh please let me see my Joshie again. WYWH my baby

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on August 21, 2015 at 1:27pm

Hey everybody.....Jill, I agree I don't know how we are suppose to get through this and I don't understand why we were chosen to endure this pain.  My day is Monday, it's awful, got the call at 5:30 a.m.  I start getting even more down every Sunday night.  Dolly that is a beautiful rainbow picture.  The last couple of weeks have been so hard, feeling a little better today, I agree my brain will not stop, if we could just take a break inside our own heads.

Connie, Pancho is beautiful I am so very happy that you got him.  Our new puppies are 5 months old and they don't replace our other dogs we lost, we still mourn them so much but the puppies help and are so full of love.

Hugs and a little peace to everybody today.

Comment by Dolly on August 21, 2015 at 8:53am

Jill .. I think I can ALMOST see them NOW... or at least sense them... sometimes I think I can FEEL them smiling at us... I wonder if they advocate for us with God.. that would be amazing...I know some people will criticize me for thinking this way but I don't care.. they don't know... they don't see and feel what I do... they haven't been where I have been and am now... you guys get it.... if we are wrong to think they still live and see us then we are wrong but I don't think we are.. I think they are alive and we WILL be reunited... I can't think anything else or I will go kicking and screaming down the street...

Comment by Rj on August 21, 2015 at 7:46am

Not silly at all dear teresa. I think of that Jill,what if we dont see them again? OMG, that destroys me also that is why we cant let ourselves go to that place. That is all i have, the onlybreason i sm still living, or should I say existing,this is certainly not living.

Comment by Teresa D. on August 21, 2015 at 7:02am

Dolly sometimes I think about the same thing. Are they in heaven pointing at us saying "Yea that one is my mom or dad" Silly right! 

Comment by Jill E on August 20, 2015 at 11:27pm

It does not get better it gets worse. Want to stay in bed all day. What if I don't see my Josh again someday? Have absolutely no energy. Mini rerun movies go through my head all day. Why were we all chosen for this? I just do not understand it. No one should have to endure this pain. It is debilitating. It is the most horrible pain, words do not come close to describing it. WYWH Joshie

Comment by Rj on August 20, 2015 at 8:38pm

Or how we survive it??

Comment by Teresa D. on August 20, 2015 at 8:12pm

Thank you ladies.  Connie HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS!

I don't know how we make sense of it. 

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