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Comment by Jill E on August 24, 2015 at 6:30pm

I dreamt last night that my youngest son died. It was the biggest blow. I was frantic and confused and scared. It was almost like choosing which son should have died. It was like my insides were ripped out again. I immediately went on the Internet to find out what it meant I was so freightened. I haven't had dreams I remember until last night. Please don't let me dream again.

Comment by Jane P on August 24, 2015 at 6:11pm

After 2 years, 9 months

I am numb.

I feel nothing, what I do, I do like a robot.

The pain never stops, it is deep, it is cruel.

I retreat to aloneness as much as possible.

I miss her every second of every day.

Everything reminds me of Danielle.

She was my best friend.

She understood me, and I understood her.

We never left each other's side for the last seven years of her life.

There is no future left, just old age.

I am miserable.............

Comment by Dolly on August 24, 2015 at 10:29am

my nightmares are when I am awake... and I fear the next shock... who next... my dream dreams are convoluted and always a downer but so far not about the awful stuff you have had to deal with in your dreams... its so wrong and harsh... all I know to do is to try to rebuke the enemy... but I feel so totally powerless now ... never did feel powerful but now I feel totally lost and totally powerless and mostly always totally hopeless ... i try to fixate on my blessings.... but it doesn't keep the anxiety and the terror away for long.... maybe im really going crazy now...

Comment by Jill E on August 24, 2015 at 9:14am

Dolly, every word you say is me too. I am so sorry. Last night I dreamed that it was my other son that died. He is the super conscientious, extremely careful one. I even saw him in bed after he passed away in my dream. This was a horrendous mean thing for my mind to put me through. I am devastated. Not because I could chose one over the other but because this whole thing is such a unthinkable situation and then I have to "see" something happen to my other son. Now the way I am...is this a premonition? Oh how am I going to sleep again but then what else can I do but sleep.

Comment by Dolly on August 24, 2015 at 7:48am

Im totally overwhelmed..nothing helps... i feel drained and empty and like im pulling into a shell and everything around me is threatening and mean and i feel worthless and alone and furious and devastated and crazy

Comment by Jill E on August 23, 2015 at 10:57pm

Why did "He" or whoever take our children? There are so many horrible people our there, murderers, rapists... Why our children? It is so cruel.
My exhaustion is horrible. I dread doing my laundry, taking a shower even just lifting my arms. And my hands shake...I finally looked up the stages of grief since I have heard about it so many times and at least many of the weird horrible things I am going through are on the "list" even my shaking hands. Life is hard. I try to cover up the pain due to my youngest son but it is ripping me up inside. How do you ever laugh again, I mean really laugh? Never?

Comment by Rj on August 23, 2015 at 9:28am

I Was thinking the same thing sharon....i need to hear larry!

Comment by Sharon on August 23, 2015 at 9:13am

Went to a family reunion yesterday. All I kept thinking was that my family wasn't all there. My son was missing. He should be there here with me. Feel so broken all the time. Always so fragile, on the verge of tears. I hate my life. When will this get better?
Theresa, you are lucky that you hear your son. I wish Troy would talk to me...

Comment by Teresa D. on August 23, 2015 at 7:11am

Everyday I say I can't do this yet everyday I hear Michael say, "But you are doing it mom".

Comment by Rj on August 22, 2015 at 8:10pm

I really hate being able to relate to overwhelming grief articles, poems, etc. God, how did life spiral so out of control. I have not heard the words "mother dear" in almost 7 months. What I wouldnt give to hear them again. People say you should never say never but in my case i can say i will never hear those words again...on this earthly plane that is.

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