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Comment by B.Windsor on January 1, 2018 at 1:06pm

It's hard enough trying to go on since Shelby died...but, the mess my ex and his mother keep pulling really don't help anything/anyone.  *sigh  i've second-guessed every step i've ever made, since her death, and it's not getting ANY easier.  i came back to NC to try and reconnect with my son, as well as visit some with my grandson, and get to know him.  i've called my son--spoke to him briefly, before the call dropped--and texted him to let him know i'm in the state and whenever he's ready to talk, i should be around.  (He's in the military now.)  My grandson's father has answered the phone once, in the many times i've tried calling him, these past several months.  He asked me to call back the following day, since they would be there the whole time.  He did not answer.  i tried the following day.  No answer.  i've even tried since, knowing my grandson is with my ex, just to see what's going on or if he's having reservations or what his deal is.  All i keep thinking:  he's partying and using, still.  My grandson deserves a better life than that.  i don't want to create any tidal waves, but if he is using, something HAS to change. As i'm writing this, i'm looking out the window....It's a beautiful cold day, but, my mind goes elsewhere.  i'm tired.  i'm fed up with all the games people play.  No one seems capable of keeping their word anymore.  *sigh  Most people just can't get it, nor give a hoot about trying.  But, no matter how much i do or plead, she's never coming back--she is dead, after all.  God, that  hurts....i still can't take her off my contact lists.  i know if or when i do, it'll be a definite finality.  Just wish i could give up and let go and forget about this world.  All it's ever done for me is cause me more pain and suffering.  

Comment by Teresa D. on December 23, 2017 at 8:43am

Judy, I lost my son Michael and yet I still can't imagine the grief you must feel.  It's hard to say Merry Christmas but I hope you find a second of peace. 

it's been a while since I've been here.  For my old friends my daughters ovarian cancer is stage 1.  To me it's not good but it's the best of the worst. 

I've bonded very strongly with one of our members, so much so we visited this summer.  Now I can't live without her, she is my sister now. 

For me it's like you run out of words. You repeat yourself so much you get sick of yourself.  I do anyway. 

When I first started this room was very active and the people in it (except for Dennis) supported me like others couldn't and for that I will never forget any of you.

I'm 5 years in and have no words of wisdom for anyone.  Early on I was told you'll learn to wear a fake face and you'll learn to manage it.  Those things yes, I'm doing today.  It was a process to get there and I have not mastered either one.  Sometimes that fake face starts to crack. 

I still cry daily, sometimes with no warning, but it's now normal to me.  This is who I am now.

I love you all and I hope through the holidays everyone can find one moment of peace.

Comment by Teresa D. on December 23, 2017 at 8:34am

Dennis I mean no disrespect however you have been asked numerous times to leave this group.  You have not lost a child not do you have any clue what we experience.  Last time your words were so inappropriate you were pushed from this room.  While your intentions might be good they are not welcomed.  Please respect what we keep telling you.  Stop prying on our grief.

Comment by Judy Pugh on December 22, 2017 at 6:17pm

I am sending love to everyone who is missing a beloved son or daughter this Christmas season. I understand the pain, I have two sons who have passed. My first child died as an infant (7 weeks of age) from a heart defect in 1984, and then my youngest died in 2013 at the age of 21 from an accidental overdose. You wonder how much pain one heart can hold. My love and sincere sympathy goes to everyone suffering. Together we are stronger. God bless.

Comment by Britt on December 2, 2017 at 12:25pm

Tomorrow will be 4 miserable years since my son Joey died. My life is empty and so very lonely. Absolutely everything has gone down hill! I don't know who I am and I feel stuck. I've always been able to deal with my problems never ask for help, but now when I need help no one is around. I'm not sure if anyone will really read this post, but I'm trying to find ways to get my pain out my grief/depression has taken hold of me not sure how much more I can endure.My son was the one of many people I've lost in my life, but losing him was most devastating. Yes I'm pitting myself, I have no one to comfort me so I guess I'm venting. Truthfully my pain it's greater than your pain, and I feel bad for all parents that have lost their child, I know how you feel so I do empathize. I suppose I best end my post because I'm rambling. Thank you to those who read my post.

Comment by Dennis C. on November 17, 2017 at 5:53am

I know that there is nothing that can take your pain away.

But I have found great encouragement from the Bible’s Account in Mark 5

Mark 5:42 — And immediately the girl rose and began walking. (She was 12 years old.) And at once they were beside themselves with great ecstasy.

This describes a reunion. Parents had lost their dear precious daughter in death. You really can’t put that pain into words.

The account also tells us that when they were reunited by resurrection they were “With GREAT ecstasy.”

I believe that we will experience that same thing when we are reunited with our loved ones.

I know it doesn’t take our pain away right now...but it gives us HOPE and a future to look forward to.

Comment by Kellie Hull on November 14, 2017 at 9:25pm

I'm in so much pain. I miss my daughter. I just want to hear her voice. I want a hug. I want hear her say mommy I love you. I don't understand why God would take my sweet baby girl. I barely sleep, I don't eat, and I have headaches all the time.

Comment by Kellie Hull on November 9, 2017 at 4:19pm

I have good and bad days. Some days are unbearable. I'm grateful to have somewhere to express how I'm feeling. Thank yall.

Comment by Lynn Williams on November 9, 2017 at 3:44pm

Dear Teresa, I will say a prayer for your daughter and for her healing. I too have been in a bad way for a few months. Just before the anniversary of Kyra’s birthday and the 4th anniversary of her death I feel into a deep depression and went into the hospital for a week. They finally found an antidepressant which seems to be working. The grief and pain we continue to suffer will ebb and flow for the rest of our lives. I think of you all often and how we helped each other so much. Love to you all. Kellie I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter, your grief is still so raw an unrelenting.

Comment by Connie K on November 9, 2017 at 2:37pm

Teresa

 I am praying for your daughter. This must be incredibly hard for you. There are so many new treatments on the horizon now for cancer.  I am a 12 year cancer survivor this week. She will be okay. Love and hugs to you <3

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