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Comment by Vasanthi S on November 11, 2015 at 8:04am

No day is easy, reading all your posts, feeling less alone because I know I'm understood. Like Teresa and Connie and others for whom some time has passed, I too feel I'm getting a grip on things and then the grief and loss hits me and I just need to face that things are different yet I refuse to even acknowledge deep in me that my darling son is not here . I just WANT him back, he was and is everything to me.Does God really think its ok?

Comment by Vasanthi S on November 11, 2015 at 7:55am

found this poem and had wanted to share it, for my darling son from 'ummy' as you loved to call me.

I only have a picture now,
A frozen piece of time,
To remind me of how it was,
When you were here and mine.

I see your smiling eyes,
Each morning when I wake,
I talk to you, and place a kiss,
Upon your darling face.

How much I miss you being here,
I really cannot say,
The ache is deep inside my heart,
And never goes away.

I hear it mentioned often,
That time will heal the pain,
But if I'm being honest,
I hope it will remain.

I need to feel you constantly,
To get me through the day,
I loved you so very much,
Why did you go away?

The angels came and took you,
That really wasn't fair,
They took my one and only Son,
My future life, My heir.

If only they had asked me,
If I would take your place,
I would have done so willingly,
Leaving you this world to grace.

You should have had so many years,
To watch your life unfold,
And in the midst of this,
Watch me, your Mum grow old!

I hope you’re watching from above,
At the daily tasks I do,
And let there be no doubt at all,
No force in the universe can pry away my Love for you.

Comment by Connie K on November 10, 2015 at 10:04pm

I have all of those things too. I hate to evens tart the list because it is so overwhelming. I feel like i could just go over the edge any second. Every part of my body hurts, especially my heart. I was literally referred to a cardiologist last week. Wow. It all sucks. But it does help to know we are not alone.

Comment by Jill E on November 10, 2015 at 8:16pm

Sandy-Thank you. I need to hear things from those that are going through the same things I am. It helps me understand that I am not going insane. My lose of words, my mis-speaking, my physical aches, pain, heartache, memory problems even losing my hair-grief. The absolute worse feeling, pain a parent can go through.

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on November 10, 2015 at 6:44pm

Jill the days are hard. We cant talk or think straight. I worry constantly about everything. Hugs to you xo

Comment by Jill E on November 10, 2015 at 6:14pm

Tonight I was trying to remember last Thanksgiving when Josh was with us. I can't remember. And I should have noticed something was wrong. Then I was talking about Josh and I accidentally said Derek's name. It scares me that I did that. I corrected myself but it makes me feel horrible like something could happen to him. I know I over react to everything, I worry so much.

Comment by Jill E on November 10, 2015 at 6:09pm

I hate the holidays

Comment by Jill E on November 5, 2015 at 2:18pm

Thank you, Sandy and everyone. No one understands like all of you here. I so want the holidays to be over. I hate going to the store. I hate when my brain is idle and thoughts turn to my missing my Josh that it makes it hard to breathe and the sobbing that overtakes your whole being.

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on November 5, 2015 at 1:18pm

Oh Teresa, I'm sorry, it is so so hard and just wrong.  Every day is such a struggle to try and cope.

Hey Jill, the year was hard, not as hard as a birthday but still just awful. We went to AZ and my daughter (21) was in CA, she did ok, we talked on the phone and texted all day. I think your son will be ok, the siblings are stronger then us..

Comment by Teresa D. on November 5, 2015 at 8:25am

Sitting here and can't seem to get a grip on things.  I just miss Michael so bad.  After 3 years I thought I was finally learning to manage it yet days like today creep on you and take control. 

I fight everyday to get to a better place and just when I thought I was making progress WHAM I'm sent back to day one. 

God this is hard! 

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