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Comment by Ammy on December 4, 2011 at 4:54pm

Hello to all, we had company today.  A nephew and his wife stopped in.  I think they are the first to visit (besides our immediate family) us since our son died almost 17 months ago.  It was kind of a nice distraction even though I teared up several times.  I am completely ignoring the fact that Christmas is coming.  No decorations as of yet and no shopping.  Going to order something online for Charles' daughter and the rest will get some money.  I think, for me, this year is worse than last year.  I hope you all are doing better than I am.  As Lorraine said...I also don't know how you that work can keep going.  And I feel bad that my granddaughter is missing out on having her Daddy, but I wouldn't care if he would have turned out to be a nobody.......I would still rather have him here with all his faults.  He was not perfect but he had a heart full of love and compassion for people.  I pray you all have a tolerable week.  One with less tears and more smiles.  Stay well and safe.  Sending hugs to all.   ♥ ♥ ♥

Comment by Dick on December 4, 2011 at 9:58am

Thanks Karen & Lorraine. I posted a video made by his friends. It make me feel a wee bit better when people view it. It helps me feel he is still with us.

Comment by Kar on December 3, 2011 at 9:29pm

Dick

I feel the same way.    My son has been cheated, our family has been cheated,  &  I as a parent have been cheated----   It all hurts so very bad-  &  just sucks so very bad. 

Comment by Lorraine on December 3, 2011 at 8:15pm

I have not been on since before Thanksgiving; somehow the holidays are days to just get through.  This is not easy with the music and festive atmosphere.  Adrianne, I don't know how you do it with a shop you need to be "on" for others this time of year, the same for you Robin, with teaching little ones this time of year. Life is so changed and no one can fix it.  Grace, I love "NY guy."  I feel sad that the world did not get to see what a difference Sy would have made by his presence here; I am sure that many parents feel the same about their child.  And I just miss him so much... Sending love to all

Comment by Dick on December 3, 2011 at 7:22pm

I just don't feel like a father any longer without my son. I just don't feel like there is any future for me now. I have been cheated by life. 

Comment by Grace on November 30, 2011 at 4:18pm

Adrianne   it has been 2 1/2 years and I have may dreams where I am always looking for Niles... and making deals to get him back.... only to wake up and discover that he is not coming back....  But I did make it through turkey days and somedays I just try to act like it is not the holidays.... which is very hard since I will be singing Christmas songs starting tomorrow...   I guess I kind of put myself in a trance to get through it all....But needless to say.... the holidays or even when we least expect it.... we have some low days.... I don't know if it ever changes....

Comment by Lisa Adams on November 30, 2011 at 12:40pm

Been having moments lately where the truth of what's happened hits me like a sledgehammer. It literally takes my breath away.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on November 30, 2011 at 9:56am

The holidays are horrible.  My son's birthday is in February.  I dread every moment of the day.  It's pure torture.  The nights are the most difficult most of the times.  Another day of not hearing from my son.  Do you ever feel like they are just "lost"?

Comment by Robin Jone on November 30, 2011 at 6:40am

Adrianne, my husband said that the other day too. I think for me, every day that I don't see my son, Zach, it is becoming more real. I keep thinking if I just stay busy it won't hurt so much, which does help but as soon as I am not, the pain is right there. I know the month of December is going to be so tough, not only because of the holidays but because Zach's birthday is in December. Trying to take it one day at a time, but sometimes you can't  you have to plan for different things and then I have to face that he won't be there. Thinking and praying for all of us missing our children today, and every day.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on November 29, 2011 at 11:25am

This is getting tougher.  Why?

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