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Comment by Lorraine on December 21, 2011 at 7:17pm

so true Grace.  It wasn't about the things with Silas, because he was grown up, and the truth be told he hadn't spoken to me for a few years before he became ill, due to loyalty issues with his dad, unfortunately.  We both lost time we couldn't afford, as it turned out.  His last Christmas here he was very very sick, but made a point to buy his sisters special gifts, and we spent the day in his room as he couldn't get out of bed...  I don't do anything elaborate, but it is really the little things that I have always been able to pull off that I can no longer seem to do; the cookie baking, the tree, and music, etc.  I wish I didn't have to even think about these things, and yet I know that is not fair to the girls.  Sending hugs to all friends here

Comment by Grace on December 21, 2011 at 7:10pm

OK PEOPLE  I'm trying to give us all a PEP TALK so we make it through the next couple of weeks.... Now if I can only convince myself...

Comment by Grace on December 21, 2011 at 7:07pm

Lorraine..... we need to adjust our expectations especially this time of year.   We may

have a more romantic memory of "Magical" because we are in grief.   It is a trap that we all put ourselves in on special dates.... the anticipation of these dates than when they actually come to be.... and really they were in the past too... we are just more sensitive to them.    I see this when I got to the store and see Toy Story stuff... because Niles LOVED Toy Story.... I can not even think to watch the 3rd one.... same goes with Sponge Bob.....     but then there are other times when I remember try to find that Perfect gift for him at Christmas and Stressing about it so much... wanting him to be excited... out expectation of kids opening presents to where WE ARE So Excessive.... to see them almost lose interest in the gifts because there were too many.... and remember the Babies enjoying the Box More!   I remember stressing and Niles not even Excited to open presents....

I guess what I'm trying to say is... we had Stress before too.... it is just Now we have more Romatic Memories......   Longings.....   And remember.... Jesus was in a Barn with nothing.... Christmas was not so Elaborate...... Hugs

 

Comment by Lorraine on December 21, 2011 at 6:42pm

I feel so sad with the holidays coming and another year to celebrate without my son.  I am trying so hard not to show my feelings and fall apart as my daughters will be here and after three years I think people expect me to keep it together, or at least hope that I will.  I just want to go to bed and not get up for a very long time instead of pretending it's okay... I miss the magic

Comment by Kar on December 21, 2011 at 3:14pm

Very nice Grace & Dick-    Wonderful ways to honor your children. <3

Comment by Kar on December 21, 2011 at 3:12pm

Exactly Grace-    Not that it should matter the hows & whys - But, Brad was an honor student that did not survive a family auto accident & he was Not the driver.  

So I am clueless to the heartless Imbecile   Principal's that could say that to us. 

But, as I said no matter how one passes - that is such a rude, heartless, unfounded, comment.   

Comment by Grace on December 21, 2011 at 11:07am

I don't know how one would "Glamorize death?"  crazy!   Does not matter how one died... it is never Glamorous for those of us left behind is it?

Comment by Dick on December 21, 2011 at 10:38am

Since my son was an Eagle Scout, we donated $1000 to the James E. West Endowment in his name and wrote in our will for the Boy Scouts of America to recieve 10 % of my estate with the rest going to my nephews and nieces. It was the best organization I ever had a chance to work with. I know the money will be put to good use.

Comment by Kar on December 21, 2011 at 9:35am

Oh Grace I  understand that-     We lost our Brad @16 -He too was a donor.     We also have a Memorial fund in Brad's name & try to do good with it.  One of the funds his friends & our daughter started within their high school; it was a game to raise funds to then give a scholarship & to St. Judes Hosp. etc. - Well, lets just say the school made it so hard on them to do this.  now that my daughter too has graduated as Brad's friends before her.   She is letting it go.   It hurts her so much to let it go but, for us to beg to do this with in the school is too draining on our daughter.   They say it glamorizes death.    I all hurts so much-  But, the hockey community do one that I hope will continue & I also have always run a ski club that has become a memorial ski club.  So we still give in our sons name but- it drains me so much-    the ski memorial night lands on what should have been his 21st birthday this Jan.    and I am sick inside.  But- will continue as long as I can-  For BRAD to continue doing good in our son name.  

Comment by Grace on December 21, 2011 at 9:10am

Yesterday, In Memory of Niles, we donated $300 from our Niles Benefit Fund to a volunteer group of pilots who helped fly our friend to a transplant hospital..... for his Pancreas and kidney..... I was talking to the pilot about the Niles Fund and him being an organ donor and he suddenly realized we were the parents of a 14 year old deceased child... he said  gee I did not realise that this was your child because you were talking in the 3rd person party.... I told him if I talked and thought about what words I said; I would fall apart and have a terrible time doing this Fund Work....

But in the end it helps me to Honor the life of my son by giving these "Random Acts Of Kindness"  Checkes to programs and people this time of year.... makes me see that there are others still struggling and it makes me honor Niles....

With that all being said... in my alone time I can't help but being preoccupied with his memory and missing him.  I feel blessed to offer this kindness to others yet wonder how long I will be able to continue this mission.

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