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Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 13, 2012 at 10:41am

Tough night.  Couldn't sleep. Another day now that I have to endure.  

Comment by Dick on January 13, 2012 at 10:03am

Tired but cannot sleep.

 

Comment by Grace on January 13, 2012 at 9:23am

I still have Flash backs... that's why I consider it PTSD....  A Song on the Radio an Old Movie... or somedays just looking at a photo... I still can not Believe I have survived 2 almost 3 years and that little boy has been gone...  In my dreams I keep searching for this lost child.....   His bedroom is still called Niles Room... so he should be in there sleeping.... Niles Bike.... Niles this or that... but as you all have mentioned our friends and family do change the subject and do not want to talk about them anymore.....  It is nice that we can talk here.    They really did exist... and our love still exist even if they are in a box in my dresser ....  those photos are proof that they really were here.

As for others telling us what our children "WOULD HAVE WANTED US TO DO" in this situation.... I think that is impossible to speculate.....  We do what we do to get through each day. 

Comment by Grace on January 13, 2012 at 9:23am

I still have Flash backs... that's why I consider it PTSD....  A Song on the Radio an Old Movie... or somedays just looking at a photo... I still can not Believe I have survived 2 almost 3 years and that little boy has been gone...  In my dreams I keep searching for this lost child.....   His bedroom is still called Niles Room... so he should be in there sleeping.... Niles Bike.... Niles this or that... but as you all have mentioned our friends and family do change the subject and do not want to talk about them anymore.....  It is nice that we can talk here.    They really did exist... and our love still exist even if they are in a box in my dresser ....  those photos are proof that they really were here.

As for others telling us what our children "WOULD HAVE WANTED US TO DO" in this situation.... I think that is impossible to speculate.....  We do what we do to get through each day. 

Comment by Karen R. on January 13, 2012 at 9:10am

I just wanted to reaffirm with everyone that I will always be willing to listen to whatever anyone has to say. I try to read everyone's post, I don't always respond but I always read and my heart cries with everyone.  This support group has become a very important part of my life......you can see how much i'm on here. Fortunately and unfortunately, I am not alone.

Comment by Dick on January 13, 2012 at 8:04am

My wife suffers silently. She does not talk about Danny as much as I do, but she loves him very much. I was the most involved parent in his life for scouts, sports, and other activities. I was the one he would talk to and confide in. He told me the happiest days of his life was pre-school and would wrestle me on the floor. It hurts to miss him.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 13, 2012 at 1:19am

Dick, your son was lucky to have both natural parents. My sons father left him having nothing to do with him. He really missed out. My son was so loving. You didn't say how your wife is doing. 32 years is a long time. My husband and I just celebrated 32 years in May. My husband is afraid I will die of a broken heart. I think it could be just a thought away. I wonder if it would be easier for me if he was Dons natural father. If he would understand the pain I feel. I'm sorry for your loss. I read your words and I feel the pain. I know exactly how difficult this is. I really miss my boy.

Comment by Dick on January 13, 2012 at 12:59am

Yes, my wife is his natural mother as well. We have been married 32 years.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 12, 2012 at 10:39pm

I wish I had been with him at the end.  Not just after he passed. To see him after he was gone would have been more than I could endure.  I understand how your wife feels Dick.  Is she your son's mother?  If so, how is she doing?  My husband is not my son's father though he had him for over 30 years.  He is not comfortable with my pain and crying.  He does not know what to say or do.  And like Karen it is hard that no one wants to hear about it anymore.  This has changed who I am.  I will no longer be the same friend/sister/daughter that I was before.  I wonder sometimes how they could expect more of me, but I realize that until you are part of this horrific club you have no idea how horrible you will feel.  

Comment by Dick on January 12, 2012 at 10:29pm

My wife told me tonight she did not want to lose me to a broken heart. 

I watched a program about the French Foreign Legion, Danny wanted to join to prove himself; I talked him out of it. I wish I had let him follow his heart now.

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