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Comment by Kar on January 17, 2012 at 2:36pm

I too understand all of you having the need to have our children with us.     So much so that I established a private family cemetery on our property & moved my son there.   I can see his candle glowing & headstone right now as I type to you.   It has helped me so very much to be able to do this. "I walk over there day and night"   I just felt as though I had to bring him home...     So yes, I understand-    Love & strength to you all......   

Comment by Stephanie on January 17, 2012 at 2:12pm

thanx so much everyone, for sharing that you too have the need for your child to be WITH you.  anna, howcome she has your son's ashes? surely if he's YOUR son, then YOU have the right to those ashes, and not her?

Lorraine, im so sorry and can hear the anger against the cancer - i feel that too about my loss. and thanks for sharing what you do to keep him close to you - i think of so many ways, but i worry people with think im crazy, or (like you karen), my other kids might get upset if they perceive that she is more important to me than they are.

ammy, i know, can you believe one even has to be careful at a place like this... in fact, u must all realise my angel child also needs a new angel name... wow, this is quite therapeutic for me - i can see her smiling upon me.

but i still hurt so bad. i hurt so bad.

thank you for all being there

Comment by Karen R. on January 16, 2012 at 10:15pm

Hey Dick and everyone. Yeah, I guess the more I think about it, the more I can see how that may be hurtful even though it was not my intentions. I will try but I don't think I will move the things off of my car. I will wear her bag, occasionally. Thanks.

Comment by Dick on January 16, 2012 at 10:06pm

Karen, please take care not to exclude your other children. I can see their point of view. I try to be equal to all my children living or passed. 

Comment by Karen R. on January 16, 2012 at 9:34pm

As I was writing my last post below, I am wondering if maybe it is a little extreme...I can't help it though.

Comment by Karen R. on January 16, 2012 at 9:32pm

Hey everyone. I have a gold heart with my son's picture on it, gold tear drop earrings.....that represent my tears and I carry a photo brag bag of 6 of my son's photos at different ages.....my bag/pocket book, makes me feel like I'm bringing him out with me, including the 2 photos I have of him in my car that hang from my rear view mirror. One of my daughters thinks that I should take the photo out of my car, she made me angry. I refuse, it's my car! She told me that I am hurting her feelings because she never sees me wear the designer bag she bought me. I just feel like my photo brag bag is worth so much more than the most expensive bag that money can buy. I have been wearing my bag since 1 month after my son passed, so it's past 2 yrs! I've been wearing my earrings and charm for almost as long. It's strange though because I never felt like I was deliberately wearing these items, I just have the need to keep any and every little thing of his being......mainly his name and his pictures, close to me. It's like I want people to see and ask, "who is that?" so I can proudly say" this is my son but I am destroyed since I had to bury him". Most times I just say that he is my son without any other details. My daughter has also voiced to me that she feels like I am making myself and my car a "shrine" of my son. I also have a bumper sticker with my son's name and with his birthdate and day he passed on. On the passenger side window I have another note that I made with his nick name and "forever 21" and then on driver's window I have a small decal with his nick name and the dates. She thinks it's too much but he's not her son. I hope when she becomes a mother, that she will NEVER know this pain, this loss.  Maybe it is too much for some and maybe it will be too much for me at 1 point but for now it's what I need and want.  My sister in'law, had to bury her 10 month old son almost 18 yrs ago and she never put a marker or monument at his final resting place. She said she never will because she can't bare the thought of reading her son's name in a cemetary. Till this day, she is not OK with it, she still wants her son, her little baby back and she had another child a year after he passed away. Everyone is different.

Thanks guys for listening

Comment by Ammy on January 16, 2012 at 7:13pm

Oh, I just lost my comment and can't begin to write again so I will just welcome Stephanie back and let her know that I also returned.  :)  Doesn't seem right that even here we have to be careful sometimes.  Hope you will feel more at ease this time. {{{Hug}}}.

Take care every one, and {{{hugs}}} to all of you too.

Comment by Lorraine on January 16, 2012 at 6:32pm

"Stephanie" I am sure that not many people would understand your feelings, but I have to say that I am glad that my Sy guy is cremated so that I can keep his ashes close.  Yes, I understand that this is no longer him, rather, his remains. However, I choose to wear a bit of his ashes in a necklace; I have two, one is a silver tear drop with butterfly engraved into it, and the other is a star with a heart on it.  Today I was in the town where Sy lived which is about an hour away from where I live; I went to the parking lot of the Sear's store there, where Silas and I had gone shopping for bake ware when he was first diagnosed.  I remembered how Silas had turned to me after we left the store and had gotten into the car, and he said, "it's going to be okay mom."  I love him for that, for his courage.  F#*king cancer.  There is nothing okay about this.  Just sadness

Comment by anna l. on January 16, 2012 at 6:18pm

Wanting our child and in my case husband too, to be with us no matter what is not crazy.  I have my husbands ashes and his wife has my sons.  I would just like to sneak into her house and take them!!  I have asked her to let us bury them, or scatter them somewhere special because I need a place to go to be with him and now I cant.  I would give anything, do anything have them in any condition just to be able to hold them one more time.  What you think about is not much different.  You want your child back!  You want to hold her!  You need to express those wants, and we are here to listen.

 

Comment by Stephanie on January 16, 2012 at 6:01pm

Yay! im so so glad you know me.  ... now i have been terrified for the longest time to ask ANYONE such a question in case they think i have just lost it altogether!...  i wish, so wish, i didnt have to leave her buried in the ground... i wish i could keep her body with me, no matter what happens to it, even once its become just a skeleton - i want that skeleton, i want to place it in a comfortable little bed, with a soft cover, and stroke it, and know that she is here - not buried in some ground somewhere!  okay - i accept if some of you think that is totally sick, but is there ANYone who has constantly had this need?  sometimes it drives me crazy, cos i just want her with me, no matter in WHAT form !!!

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