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Comment by Robin Jone on January 23, 2012 at 6:58pm

Went to New Jersey this weekend for a surprise party for my sister's 40th birthday. It was so nice to see everyone for a happy occasion, last time we were all together was four months ago for Zach's funeral. It is a 12 hr. drive, and I have not had that much time to just sit and think. I shed many tears on the way there and on the way home. It was like having flash backs from the day it happened to the funeral. Then being at my sister's party was fun, but so hard thinking about that Zach will won't have a 40th bd, or ever get to be there for his sisters birthday or for any of their weddings. When I have all that time to think, the anxiety returns just like in the beginning. I still start to think, that somehow, someway, if I could just think of something I could somehow change what happened. I know realistically that I can't, it was an accident, accidents happen, but I so want to think of a way. My oldest daughter and her family stayed at our house, while we were gone. She told me she had the strangest thing happen. She had been writing in her on line journal about something that had happened between her and Zach when they were younger. When she was done she went around the house and turned the lights out, to get ready to return to her own home. She went back to go use the restroom and when she came back out all the lights were back on. She said she could possibly  have forgotten to turn one out, but they were all back on. She was quite shaken by this. What do you all think about that? I told her to tell Zach I loved him. She told me I felt really weird doing it Mom, but I stood in the dining room and said "Zach, Mom loves you". Has any one else had something happen that they felt their loved ones presence? Just wondering. Thanks for listening, missing my Zach so very much. Hugs. Robin

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 23, 2012 at 5:33pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49wut32Cguw

If you can't find it, google "girl who paints god"

Her name is Akiana Kramarik

If you any of you haven't watched this, please take a moment.

Then google more about this young lady and see what she is up to now that she is a bit older.  

Comment by Dick on January 23, 2012 at 2:22pm

Adrianne,

I had to shed a tear when you spoke of the baby. That is my greatniece or Danny's second cousin; he was always kind to children and animals. Crap, I am having a weeping session now. All the younger children would like to play with him during family functions, they called him "Uncle Danny". We are a mixed family half asian, half caucasian; the younger children must alway call an older one big brother/sister/aunt/uncle/grandfather/grandmother it is cultural not by the western family traditions. Tonight is Chinese New Year and Danny will not be there to recieve his "Hong Bao" red envelope.

His hobbies were surfing, diving, reading, gardening, economics, auto repair....girls of course. We were in the planning of a dive shop when he left. I am weeping to much to continue; it hurts me too much.

 

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 23, 2012 at 1:57pm

Dick

I do understand the guilt.  My son died in August of 2011 also.  I wish I had done so much differently.  I see patterns also.  I am struggling with my faith but in reality I know there is something to all of this.  Have you ever watched any of akiane kramarik's video's online?  If not, check them out.  I watch at least one or two a day.  Really helps me.  My son's favorite song was "Daniel".  He was a beautiful man too.  He was 6'3" with broad shoulders and a beautiful head of hair.  It is so hard.  I am not sure I signed up for this on purpose.  I can't imagine.  What were your son's hobbies? I loved the picture of him holding the baby.  Who's baby?  He is holding that baby so sweetly.

Comment by Kar on January 23, 2012 at 1:51pm

Nicky Welcome-     Sooooo sorry about your son.   I hope your able to find some comfort here; with other parents living the same anguish.  (soooo wish none of us needed this page)       

Comment by Nicky on January 23, 2012 at 1:03pm

My life is without meaning.........without my son. I wonder what i have done so wrong to have had my biggest joy ever taken away from.

Comment by Dick on January 23, 2012 at 6:14am

Very unusal things happened as I look back, the 2010 calendar he did, his picture shows on August. He passed one year later, August 2011.

In all family pictures, Danny,my father and my niece are all clustered together. They all have past. I maybe making up patterns that don't exist, but erie to me..

Comment by Dick on January 23, 2012 at 6:07am

Adrianne,

Actually, he was a model. We have the 2010 calendar he did work for still hanging, probably never take it down. I regret talking him out of going to New York to model and stay to finish college. Maybe things would be different. See where my guilt comes from.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on January 23, 2012 at 1:01am

Dick
I understand that so well. Such a handsome man. He could have been a model. More than that though you can see his personality in those pictures. He loved his life didn't he? What a blessing.

Comment by Dick on January 22, 2012 at 10:25pm

Adrianne, thanks for taking a look at Danny's video. I do get some relief by others knowing who Danny was and getting to know him through the video. Thank you very much.

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