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Comment by Dick on February 10, 2012 at 8:35pm

Danny, I am missing you. Why did you leave?

Comment by Lorraine on February 10, 2012 at 8:23pm

I can't even imagine the mixed emotions that come with having your loved one's organs harvested.  The only thing they could have used from Silas were his beautiful blue eyes, since he had cancer.  We said no, because he had been poked and prodded so much and he hated needles to begin with.  I guess I've never really thought about how the donation is done.  I am sure that I would have lingering thoughts such as you Karen, since I have them already knowing that when my son collapsed for the final time he was taken to the hospital and given morphine to calm him down and of course this slows everything down.  He was not conscious, and he was doing "end of life" breathing, which was horrific.  Still I sometimes wonder if they didn't give him all of that morphine if he could have come out of it another time.  I guess these are the crazy thoughts we have as parents, we want to go back and save them.  I hate this new life without my son. I haven't been on in a week or so because sometimes it just feels like nothing helps.  I want my son back, and I know that is not going to happen.  Sending love to all friends here~

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on February 9, 2012 at 9:00pm

I found website.  I found some things to be helpful in there.  In case you're interested, here it is  http://grief.com/  Hugs to you all

Comment by Grace on February 9, 2012 at 5:34pm

Stephanie, I believe Karen said her son was determined to be Brain Dead....but she was not accepting this and wanted to believe he would get better.   I can understand this.   I know that at the hospital where my son was... we knew his prognosis was grave and he would likely be determined brain dead.... it took 3 days for the hospital to do everything for him and to wait for his brain to swell and then a cat scan to see damage.  They then had 2 sets of Doctors do separate "Death Tests' at different time intervals.... All of us really knowing that the prognosis would be clinically Brain Death..... at that point the doctors will remove all life supports unless there is Organ donation.... then the Organ Procurement staff walk through this process with the family.     It is difficult to see your child lay in a bed like they are sleeping on these life supports then for some doctor to tell you they are now officially dead.... they look the same.... It is so difficult to walk away from that room..... likely why I continue to have nightmares that I have misplaced my son.....  but in the "Big Picture"  He has become a HERO and a Life Saver to many people..... still hard for a mother to wrap her mind around all of that  when you really just want your child to wake up and be alive....

almost 3 years... I look at his pictures and cry...he should still be here.... Where I can touch his hands... hug him.... instead there is this big empty whole in my heart that never is filled.

Comment by Stephanie on February 9, 2012 at 2:06pm

thanx for sharing karen, if its too sore i dont mind if you dont answer. are saying that you feel that because you gave permission for his organs to be donated, that from that point he became fully dependent on the ventilator? that now you regret having made that decision? or am i not getting it right? i think the sharing could help because im battling with my situation thinking i did something wrong. love steph

Comment by Grace on February 9, 2012 at 5:31am

Hi Karen..... Organ Donation can be quite emotional... I was happy to get news of the recipients..... I saw my Niles being thier HERO... Still do..  for the first year I could write anonymously. then after a year I got a message from Terri the Heart recipient.

we became face book friends... I looked at her photos... her family.... behind this laptop screen... I sonned and cried... but saw Niles had been here Hero and her daughter still had Mom....  then we finally chatted on line... then got more brave and talked on the phone.... We finally met for the first time in Madison during the Organ Transplant games... (It is like the Olympicsfor transplant people)  and we met at the hotel and she had a stethescope where I listened to Niles heart beating and saving her life... Yes we all cried..... how could we not?

We have since communicated regularly and she has visited in our town and we made a trip to visit her too.. They had an Open House so everyone could meet her Donor Family.  Even the Nurse Coordinator from the transplant hospital came.

Yes... it is very emotional to see how total strangers are so grateful for the decision we made in our darkest hour.....   Yet I know it was the right one.... but that does not mean I do not have those nightmares of Organs being harvested... and myu son being gone...I do.   But I also know my Niles has been a true HERO... like a soldier because his life has saved lives.

Let's face it.... no matter what.. we have still lost our children... and I do not think there is ANYTHING that would make it OK.   We will all carry this traumatic time forever.Especially if we are mothers... our bodies created these people and they came out of our bodies  (These People)  and we cared for and nurtured everything about them....and now we  Lost them..... and we can not help but seek them....   HUGS!   I still have a hard time writing GOD or Prayers..... God and I are at ODDS with each other and I'm still not wanting to make up with him.... IF he is really there and LOVES us...he will understand....  Grace

Comment by Karen R. on February 8, 2012 at 10:27pm

Robin, I am glad that someone in your family was helped through donation. I am still trying to accept that I did the right thing, I wish my son could tell me that it was ok.

Comment by Karen R. on February 8, 2012 at 10:23pm

Dear Stephanie, I am absolutely NOT offended. You can read my page bu I can tell you that my son recieved a massive brain injury while riding his friend's motorcycle. He remained in ICU for 7 days before he passed away. I was told that he loss consciousness a few hours after the the injury, I'm not sure because my son had been there for 30 hours as a "jon doe" before I knew what happened to him. As the days passed, I was told that he had several strokes and severe bleeding into the brain but he still had days when he only needed assistance from the ventilator. He would also grimace and shake his head slightly when the nurses would suction him. The day when I regretfully gave the permission for donation, he became totally dependent on the vent and only had a blood pressure with the use of medications. Even though he started to deteriorate, I still remained hopeful inspite of them telling me that he was 'brain dead' and that there was nothing else they could do for him. I convinced myself that he would get better and still be able to help someone. Thanks for your concern.

Comment by Karen R. on February 8, 2012 at 10:05pm

Dear Brenda, what can I say to thank you?!  Your compassion and words of encouragement mean so much.  I have been dwelling on what you said, that this is a journey and NOT my destination. And you are so right, it is a blessing that I can express my feelings to this group because it is so difficult and often impossible to do so with my close family and friends.....including my own children, who just worry about me and want me to "STOP". Thank you also for the website that you listed. Trust me, I wish I could get one of your hugs, I'll take any and all!

Comment by Karen R. on February 8, 2012 at 9:56pm

Dear Grace, thanks for your support and i am saddened that you can relate.  Wow, you heard your son's heart beat?: ) What did that feel like? Every time I get close to wanting to meet the young man, I just can't get up the courage to do it. Hopefully one day I will.......sooner than later I hope. I recieve mail from the Organ Donor Society or whatever its called, all the time but I just rip it up and throw it away. It's like I can't even read it.  I really don't like feeling this way, I'm just a mess. I am sure that the family of my son's recipient have been nothing but estatic with the help he recieved and rightfully so. Once again thanks for all the love and support.......many hugs!

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