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Comment by Karen R. on February 16, 2012 at 2:43pm

THANKS SWEET BRENDA, AS ALWAYS, YOU OFFER SO MUCH ENCOURAGEMENT WITH SUCH COMPASSION. I READ EACH OF YOUR WORDS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I HOPE I WILL GET SOME RELIEF.....SOONER THAN LATER...........MANY HUGS TO YOU.

Comment by Brenda Ann on February 16, 2012 at 8:49am

Dear, dear Karen R.,

You asked what is the lesson.  What is God telling you?  My dear friend, most of us have always been outgoing or outward thinking people.  We have focused on family, friends and the activities that are part of the out workings of life. (ie: performing the roles of butcher, baker, candlestick maker, chief, dish washer, nurse, taxi driver, buyer, seamstress & tailor, chief cook & bottle washer, administrator, CFO, COO, CPA, travel agent and activity planner, psychologist & teacher) The point is, we have spent our lives doing all the outward things while seldom focusing on self.  Our tragedy has changed our focus.  We have heard the saying “heavy heart”?  or “breaking heart”?  or “pains my heart”?  Well, now we have learned that those sayings are not just figures of speech, they are physically real.  Our hearts have broken and we can literally feel the weight of our own heart within our chest.  The sorrow has caused our heart to hurt.  We cannot think of any outward things the shock and pain of it all prevents that.

Like, a pitcher of lemonade, we continue to fill everyone’s glass until it becomes necessary to fill the pitcher or no one will get any lemonade.  You need to be filled again so to speak. The pitcher in you has been broken and a main way of filling yourself has been your beloved son and caring for him.  So now what?  How can we help ourselves?  I truly believe that we need to build our faith in God and his promises. 

As humans we see our flaws, we know them all too well.  We look at ourselves and filter out all the good while closing our eyes to the good.  God sees us through a different filter.  His filter weeds out all the bad and sees all the good, even the things we want to do yet haven’t done yet.  God sees us as though we have already done the good. (Psalm 103:12-14) “As far off as the sunrise is from the sunset, So far off from us he has put our transgressions. ¹³ As a father shows mercy to his sons, Jehovah has shown mercy to those fearing him. ¹⁴ For he himself well knows the formation of us, Remembering that we are dust.”   Yes, God is greater than our hearts. (1 John 3:19-20) “By this we shall know that we originate with the truth, and we shall assure our hearts before him ²⁰ as regards whatever our hearts may condemn us in, because God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.”  We really need to work at seeing ourselves as he sees us.  God loves us so much he let his son die a brutal death to save us from our sins.  What a price he and Jesus paid for us. 

 

You asked, “Did it happen for God to show me that I wasn't a good mother to my son, was it pay back for making him leave that night and not taking his side against his grandfather? God would NEVER do that.  (James 1:13) “When under trial, let no one say: “I am being tried by God.” For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone.” (1 John 4:16) “God is love.”  Karen, when you asked your son to leave you were helping the situation and giving them both time to cool down.  You couldn’t ask your father to leave, it is his house.  Bible principles encourage time to think things over and regain self-control. (Proverbs 17:14) “. . .before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave. . .”  You were very wise – trying to preserve their relationship before irreparable damage was done.  I see the wonderful insightful mother you are – I hope you can see it too.

 

None of our tragedies are or ever will be okay not until the resurrection and we can hold them in our arms once again.  The Bible holds answers to your questions and there are reasons why, as 1 John 5:19 says, “the whole world is lying in the [power of the] wicked one.”  (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those in any sort of tribulation through the comfort with which we ourselves are being comforted by God.”  We do not and cannot live through this on our strength we must lean on God’s strength to carry us through.  Like in the poem Footprints in the Sand – the one set of footprint we see are God’s as he carries us. (Philippians 4:13) “For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me.”

 

I have and will continue to thank God for such a wise and loving friend.

 

Sincerely,

Brenda

support@grief-and-comfort.com

www.grief-and-comfort.com

Comment by Karen R. on February 16, 2012 at 8:15am

Dear Lisa i am sorry to learn of this news in regards to your niece. I hope that your sister will be spared of such pain and that your niece's full recovery prevails.

Big hugs to you!

Comment by Lisa Adams on February 16, 2012 at 7:57am

I found out late last night that my oldest niece, who is more like a little sister to me, is losing her battle with cancer.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer just over a year ago, and seemed to be doing well until around Christmas.  She has now learned that the cancer has spread to her lungs and brain and she has two cancerous nodes on her back.  She is fighting valiantly, but I am fearful for her.  Through this all, my most fervent prayer though has been for my sister (her mother) I have begged God to please not ask my sister to endure what I have had to endure.  Maybe that's a selfish prayer, but I so want to spare her this pain. As I would spare ALL parents this pain.

Comment by Karen R. on February 15, 2012 at 10:27pm

Thanks for sharing, I am sure we would all go to any length just to see and better yet, hold our child again.......I cry with you all.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on February 15, 2012 at 10:08pm

I feel like as a mother or a father, we would go to hell and back, put aside our fears if only for one moment we could see our child again.  I miss my son so much today.  Hugs to you all that is going through this nightmare.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on February 15, 2012 at 10:06pm

I wrote this poem one night when I was at one of my darkest. 

  Love is fearless as it goes into the deepest dark to find the light

  of the soul we thought we lost

    but is found there - sitting in the moment of no time.

Comment by Karen R. on February 15, 2012 at 9:41pm

Hey Becca, maybe you can re-post your message again.......many hugs.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on February 15, 2012 at 9:33pm

In the midst of all this pain I find you funny Dick. That's a compliment.

Comment by Dick on February 15, 2012 at 8:50pm

My choice not to drink is to honor Danny, sort of a self flagellation. I did not have a hair shirt handy.

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