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Comment by Lisa Adams on March 1, 2012 at 11:14am

Lately I have realized that have little tolerance for extra "dramas" in life.  Maybe it's because we, as grieving parents, are living the worst drama that life can dish out.  I just can't understand people that want to create drama. I mean, I understand that some people are so damaged and need attention so bad that they will do and say the most incredible things but why bring it to MY doorstep? Why try to drag me down even further than I already am?  Now when people start this sh$$ up with me, I will shut them down and shut them out completely.  Does anyone else have this experience? And just to clarify, I am speaking of an incident involoving my boyfriend's daughter and an incident involving one of my daughter's friends from church.

Comment by Michele Dybdall on March 1, 2012 at 10:11am

I have been going through a period of numbness, which can be helpful, but then comes the time when it feels like the bottom falls out 'again' and the reality hits. The 'bottom' for me feels like grief that has been suppressed during the numbness and now gets released.  I'm a person who relates feelings to pictures and sometimes that brings an odd sort of comfort.  I don't know, may sound crazy, but I'll share anyway. So here's the pic. The numbness is like being in a reservoir where the water is still and barely moving. It's calm and gentle, not really going anywhere, but there is still life happening in it.  And then the doors of the dam open and there goes the rush of water overflowing, covering everything in its path. (like the feeling of the bottom dropping out)  There's life going on here too, but it's definitely not a quiet water.  Water spraying every which way, and tumbling and bubbling, etc. I know God is in both the quiet waters and the fast tumbling waters with me and both are necessary for me as I walk through missing my son.  But I admit it's a path I wish I wasn't on and the road seems to spread out long in front of me.  May God continue to walk with me and let me hold to His promises that He would never leave me or abandon me.  I pray that for

all of you too!  Blessings!

Comment by Lorraine on February 29, 2012 at 9:59pm

Aw, Anne, your comment about love being everything made me cry a bit.  It is so true, and I do wish that the knowing were enough.  Still, most days it is not.  I try so hard to remember that place of knowing how powerful love is; the last days of Sy's life when I could actually feel the love vibrate between us like a fine gold silk thread.  So light and beautiful, and yet so strong...  I am heartsick, honestly.  I will never stop missing my lovely Silas River.  Such a strong young man, who taught me so very much.  SEnding love to friends here

Comment by anne on February 29, 2012 at 2:17pm

I will always miss the boys, always. If I thought for one moment that I could hold them in my arms again I would do anything. I would go trough all of it over again just for one more hug. Dont get me wrong I yearn for their touch everyday. I think of them every day sometimes all day, but I cant change whats already happened, but I do hold onto the thought that one day when and if I go to heaven I will hold them again. I have to believe that or I could not survive.

Comment by Adrianne Edgerly on February 29, 2012 at 1:58pm

Accepting is one thing. Missing his physical being is so difficult. I miss him.

Comment by anne on February 29, 2012 at 1:28pm

To all who are hurting, I too am a mother of 2 sons gone to heaven, and I've been doing this thing called greif a long time. Nothing will ever stop the tears when they need to come. Your heart will always be broken. But I believe that even though I as a vessel am cracked and leaky my life is important. the death of a child will never and I mean never be easy nor can I ever understand why. I do however believe that I am still here for many reasons. The most important reason to honor their lives and to work to rebuild mine because love never dies. Love is everything and death can never take that from me unless I allow it to. I am the master of  my vessel, and only I can decide how and when I grieve. I have learned over time that the pain of it all is so severe at times that I can hardly breathe even after all these years, but me and only me has the right to decide whats the best way to handle it and for how long. Nothing can ever stop me from loving Ben, and Del. They were and always will be a big part of my life. So to all of you I say do what feels right to you. Honor your child the way you see fit and never stop loving, for love helps fill the cracks and leaks. I will never be a whole vessel again but I am stronger and wiser because of the all the cracks and leaks. To my sons in heaven, dont worry about your mama for because of you I am a better person and I will never allow anyone or anything t stop me from loving the same way I have loved and will always love you.

Comment by Dick on February 29, 2012 at 10:29am

Adrianne,

I am not a professional so I have no idea if it will work for you. I have just set aside a portion of my day to grieve, cry, pray, rant or whatever I need to do. I do it intently and don't let other issues interfere. I am still sad for my loss, but it does not seem to follow me all day by my knowing I have a time and place. I wish I could have my son back, but I know that is only a wish and I have to power through my life without Danny now. For myself, I have found a way to keep the sadness at bay for the greater part of my life. My heart is still broken.

Comment by Grace on February 29, 2012 at 9:12am

MY heart goes out to the families I hear about on the news that lose kids..... like the OHIO families that lost 3 from the shooting... and my heart goes out to the family of the shooter too.... what a terrible day for all to survive.... and now 3 more families could be ready to sign in to this group,  How sad.... to have to Welcome another broken heart.....  so sorry we all have to be here..... but also Grateful for a place to come share our sorrow..... where we all really can understand how broken we are.  

I have become more attentive when I hear these stories about loss.....

Comment by Patti Meadows on February 29, 2012 at 6:39am

Hi Toni, just read your message, and I completely understand Your Feelings.  My son Matt, left for heaven due to a car crash on June 28, 2006.(He was 26)..I totally  shut down...oh,eventually I went through the motions of life and I think most people thought that I was doing OK butI wasnt'...But most of my problem was an anger with GOD...I am a Christian, and I just could not believe THE LORD would allow this to happen...but HE didn't...HE is not the author of death...HE LOVES US...Finally, I have allowed THE LORD to heal my spirit of grief...I think there is a difference between healthy grieving, and having a spirit of grief on you that will not go away....It is still so raw and fresh for you, just give it some more time.  But I can tell You JESUS can heal You!  Of course I still miss Matt, but when I think of Him or have a memory of Him, it makes me feel good, not bad...I will pray that the Lord will begin HIS healing in You today....He wants to, just let him.....Blessings, Patti (Matt's Mom)

Comment by Karen R. on February 28, 2012 at 10:02pm

Hugs to all.

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