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Comment by Grace on March 2, 2012 at 6:37am

Dreams are sometimes a gift.... sometimes very disturbing..... I just dreamed I was snuggleing with my Niles.... with him looking at me with his beautiful blue eyes... I almost felt warmth... then I woke to reality..... One dream I had that was disturbing and I woke up crying.... he was trying to come home.....  he was begging  "Can I come Home?"I'll be good... I won't do this anymore"  (Die)?  I felt so dispaired that I could not bring him home.... like I had failed him...

Many times if I try to talk to friends or family about my feelings or dreams... I notice they try to get my mind off the subject.  I think they may ignore the "Anniversary dates or Birthdays" because if they don't bring it up they won't upset us.  I know even if I might tell a friend that I may not have a good day anymore on Memorial Day Weekend (Death Anniversary)... they just move on like I did not say anything.... I am sure they tell others but try not to talk anymore about it with me.... I think sometimes they just don't know what to do or say.... I am sure they feel like they are walking on egg shells.

Comment by Rosie Fletcher on March 2, 2012 at 6:17am

My heart is heavy today.  Haven't been sleeping well (worst than usual) all week.  This Saturday marks one year since my son left.  But in reality, it's today due to the leap year.  I've been keeping my mind busy doing all the tasks for the gathering we're having at our house tomorrow.  Many of his friends are coming and our families and close friends.  I keep plugging along but deep inside I'm so broken, not the same person I was a year ago.  I miss you son!  Hugs to you all my friends.  I hope we find some peace today.

Comment by anne on March 2, 2012 at 2:50am

After all this time dreaming and sleeping is the one subject I find the most difficult to talk about. I did'nt realize how difficult until reading this comment wall today. Wow.

Comment by Robin Jone on March 1, 2012 at 9:47pm

I haven't had any dreams of Zach yet either. I think my daughters and husband have all had dreams of Zach, I am so jealous. I so wish I could, I close my eyes and can still picture him so very clearly. I feel like you Karen, I think sometimes I just pretend like he must be away hanging out with his friends and just hasn't returned yet. The other day I was taking my dogs for a walk, and the horrible thought came to me "what if heaven isn't real and I never get to see Zach again". I can't even explain to you how much panic and anxiety I felt when that thought came to me. I stopped it right away, because I do believe in God and heaven, I don't know why I allowed that thought to come to me. I have to believe that I will see all my loved ones again someday. I love and miss them all , but especially my precious funny son, Robin

Comment by Dick on March 1, 2012 at 9:28pm

I haven't dreamt of my son either. I thought it was me.

Comment by Karen R. on March 1, 2012 at 8:09pm

Hey Angela, I am sorry that you can't remember any details about your dream. I long to dream about my son. I have had some in the past but none recently. I ask him every night to come and visit with me and let me hold him and kiss him. But he hasn't come and I probably read into too deep. I tell myself that he is angry at me for something or that he is too sad. Just for me to fall asleep sometimes, I just convince my self that he comes and lays next to me every night and I just don't remember when I wake. I suffer from insomnia very bad, my anxiety over this tragedy engulfs me the most at bedtime because I dread that the morning, will be a cruel reminder. I don't trust myself with any sleep aids besides an herbal tea.

Comment by Karen R. on March 1, 2012 at 7:56pm

Does any one still let their child's age grow with each passing birthday or do they remain their age to you when they passed away?  My feelings change so often in regards to his age. Somedays I refer to him being 'forever 21' but most times I refer to his current age. My son passed away 4 months before his 22nd birthday, so now he is 24 yrs old. I think I find comfort in saying that because I tell myself he is "fine" and on .a vacation and can't contact me now. Those thoughts may sound crazy to most but it helps me function when I am at the end of my road. I think I also do this because I can NOT accept what has happened, I don't want this to be my reality. It's the same reasons I have when people ask me how many children I have and their ages, I always include him and his current age, sometimes I add that he passed away or sometimes I don't. I guess it's my way of keeping him here with me. He's my son and he always will be my son.

Hugs to all

Comment by Karen R. on March 1, 2012 at 7:27pm

Christina, happy birthday to your son Zach! Did you have a celebration for his birthday or a cake? Did your loves ones avoid you or did they call or spend time with you? I felt like a lot of people.....family, friends, forgot about my son because their world still goes on. I was so hurt when many of them were a no show for my son's birthday celebration.

Sending you a big hug.

Comment by Angela Johnson on March 1, 2012 at 6:47pm

and free of sickness

Comment by Angela Johnson on March 1, 2012 at 6:46pm

today is a "blue day" I dreamed of Tammy last night . I woke up at 3am and said to myself I dreamed of her. This may not seem so unusual but this is the first dream I have had of my daughter since she passed on 11/4/11. I have yearned for her to come to me in my dreams. The sad part is that I don't remember any details of my dream. I cried for her and the chance to see her body whole and her being happy any free of sickness. Sad, sad  day.

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